When you realise

5. The Goodbyes

"Elle, come on we have been having a lot of fun but I never once mentioned anything about wanting to be in a relationship, you knew
my past and how I felt about what happened, I never want to put myself through that again" he actually had the nerve to say sounding happy like there was nothing wrong with anything he had said.

"Look just because I don't want to be in a relationship does not mean that this can't continue what we are doing, we can still have fun" Hunter soon shut up when I looked up, I'm not sure what he seen in my eyes but it was enough for him to take a step back, swallow and finally show another emotion than happiness on his face, he looked scared, upset, lost maybe, at that time he no longer looked like the happy Hunter I know.

"Fun, oh my god how could I be so stupid" surprisingly I said this extremely calm because right at this moment I felt anything but calm. "Can I ask you something" I took his silence and him accepting my question, "When I thought we were together, did you sleep with other women".

Hunter went to reply but I cut him off "You know what, don't answer that, let me just assume you did, because right now if you actually say yes, it might just break me even more than I am feeling and if you say no, it will make me believe that somewhere deep down you thought this was a real relationship enough not to cheat on me and then that would actually make it feel like a real break up and not just walking away from a hook-up, because at the end of the day that was pretty much the only thing we were doing, wasn't it, that's all I was too you a good time?".

Hunter's face now held so much emotion, I actually didn't think it was possible for him to feel upset over me walking away not after what he just said about not wanting a relationship. It's like he was frozen still, he could not move and his lips would not allow him to speak.

"You have no idea how much this is hurting me right now do you, I fell in love with you" I was looking right at him when I said that and nothing his facial reaction did not change in the slightest, it actually made me angry and I raised my voice a little so that he knew I was angry but so no one outside would be able to hear what I was saying, "for fuck sake we are not in fucking high school anymore, I assumed after how we were acting that we were officially together" I closed my eyes and took deep breaths to calm down a bit, "I pictured being with you for the rest of my life, I wanted it all with you, marriage, babies, I guess forever's are really only in fairy tales, nothing last forever in real life, especially when the person you want that with tells everyone that he will not make that mistake again. If you knew that you didn't want a future with me, why in the hell did you let me meet your daughter".

Hunter looked down quickly avoiding eye contact, guilt was the only thing that I could see and then it clicked, "Oh my god, I was never meant to meet her was I, she was dropped off to you when Mel was sick and I happened to be here". I sat down on the edge of the bed and just looked at the wall, more and more I am feeling like a complete fool.

Hunter took a step towards me but I quickly put my hand up to stop him, he stopped and we looked at each other both knowing that this is it, this is goodbye, whatever we had is over.

3 minutes, I still had 3 minutes until my driver would pick me up.

Just as Hunter was about to say something, Rosie walked in. She must have felt the tension in the air, she looked between Hunter and me then she saw the bag that was fully packed. "Are we going away for your birthday daddy"? I couldn't help but think she was so innocent at this moment, she had no idea the impact on the next few minutes would have on all of us.

"No baby, we are not going away" he managed to say lightly without trying to alarm her that it was only me that was leaving. "Why are all the clothes in the bag"? Another innocent question. Hunter looked at me pleadingly, it was like he wanted me to put the clothes away and stay for Rosie but if I stayed for Rosie I would only lose myself. How can I stay when the man that I wanted a family with does not want the same things and he only wants fun?

I knew Hunter was stuck on what to say to Rosie so I thought it was time to say a proper goodbye to her. "Only I am leaving sweetheart" I managed to say without breaking apart and crying in front of her. "Oh, can you come back tonight and watch Beauty and the Beast with me? You promised it would be the next movie we watched together".

"I'm sorry sweetheart but I don't think I will be coming back" at that one reply the first tear slipped out. "Why, don't you love us, why are you leaving" Rosie started pleading "Is it because of me, I won't come back you can just stay and I will leave".

"No honey, listen to me" I fell to my knees in front of her and chocked back the sobs that were going to leave my mouth so that I could let Rosie know that it is not because of her.

"Sometimes Honey, things just don't work out, you are never to be blamed and never blame yourself", I took a deep breath and whispered "right now you would be the only reason I would want to stay" while brushing her hair back with my fingers.

At first I don't think that she understood why I was leaving but I pray that she never blames herself, I think she realised that this was a goodbye and she now had tears that were running down her face and I guaranteed they matched mine.

Saying goodbye to someone, especially someone that you love is hard and you get lost and want to take everything back and stay but in this situation, I had to leave.

Rosie lunged at me and held my neck tight like she was afraid that if she let go I would disappear and if I am honest that is what I was about to do.

2 minutes, I still had 2 minutes to say goodbye to a princess.