When you realise

3. The Pain

I am only grateful that now I have Rosie to focus on for the time being, I helped Rosie pick out all her favourite foods, we put a sausage on her plate which I cut up for her, than she pointed to the potato salad, she said it is her favourite food which I had to laugh at considering the first time I made it when she was over she did not even want to try it, she said she hated it and it looked gross, I had begged her to try it, something different than chicken nuggets for once, when I failed at that I pretended to cry because she did not want to try it. She wiped my fake tears away and told me she would try it. Now it is the one thing that she wants me to cook for her all the time. Ever since then she has tried more and more different foods when she come over and it turns out she actually has a lot of favourites, I couldn't be more happier, I love cooking and when she asks if she can help me I feel that it is a special time for us to bond when we are mixing things together.

As I continue to help Rosie with her lunch the pain that I feel in my chest increases, I not only realise that after what I just heard, I will be walking away from the man that I love, but I will also be walking away from a little girl that has completely taken over my heart from the first moment I laid eyes on her. At first she may have been wary of me but that soon changed when I made an effort to be friends with her mum and I actually got her parents to stop fighting and talk to one another for once.

I saw how much Melanie was struggling on her own, she was still very young. I often wondered why Hunter was with someone so young. She had Rosie at nineteen and Hunter was twenty six, they say age is only a number but they failed to count for life experiences, Melanie fell in love with Hunter before she had any real experiences, he was her first kiss, her first love, her first everything and when she discovered she was old enough to go out and have fun and party with her friends she did. Hunter thought that is what she needed and was going to break up with her, but she was so in love she didn't want that to happen, she felt him drifting away and she wanted to try and make him closer to her so she stopped taking the pill and got pregnant.

After I had approached Melanie she was quite hostile towards me, I guess she felt like I was taking everything away from her, we started talking and next thing I know, we were on our second bottle of wine, laughing at how much Mary hates us both for destroying her sons' life. She told me she was sorry for being mean towards me when she realised Hunter was seeing someone but at some point she thought Hunter was her everything and she thought Rosie would bring them closer, Hunter broke up with her when she told him she was pregnant, she told me it was the lowest point in her life, he wouldn't even try to make it work because she stopped taking the pill so he wouldn't break up with her.

He still went to all medical appointments with her and provided financial support, he was there when Rosie was born, but after the birth Melanie thought that he would at least try for the baby to be with her and when he refused she made things difficult for him and wouldn't let him over to see Rosie because she didn't want to see him, but she needed to be with Rosie because she was breast feeding. When Rosie was 2, Hunter took Melanie to court and fought for his rights and was able to see her every second weekend, however every time Hunter would pick her up they would get into an argument than Rosie would scream for her mother.

After about 6 months of trying to see his daughter every second weekend, he just couldn't take the heartache of having to take her back within the hour because she wouldn't stop screaming, so he stopped taking her away, he still called her every night and every time Melanie permitted him to see her, he would go over and spend a little time with her in the park across the road, he always made sure that she didn't need anything.

The first time I met Rosie, I knew the history between Melanie and Hunter, because Hunter told me how much he wants to see his daughter more and wishes that she would come over on the weekends. We had been seeing each other for about 3 months and we were watching a movie on his couch together, when there was a knock at the door, Hunter got up to get the door and came back with a little girl about 3, he just sat down and held her close to his chest, she was asleep in his arms. He told me Melanie had just dropped her off and asked if he could watch her for a few days because she was not feeling well and she had no one else to help her. He didn't fight her he just took her, as we were talking she lightly opened her eyes and was startled at first, I'm guessing she fell asleep in the car ride over and didn't know she was going to see her father.

She asked Hunter where her Mummy was and he told her mummy was sick and she was going to stay with him for a couple of days and they were going to have so much fun together, she must have been tired because she didn't put up a fuss, she just rested her head back on her father's shoulder and that is when she saw me and asked me who I was, I told her my name was Eliana, she put her head more in-between her father's shoulder and neck like she was shy. I offered to make her some warm milk which she agreed to.

Once I gave her the milk she gave me a hug and said thank you, she completely stole my heart at that moment.

We took her to her room and read her a bed time story, Hunter had decorated her room beautifully, she had a princess bed, the walls were pale pink, she had a bookshelf full of Disney book's. So many toys, many of them unopened, I'm guessing because she was never here. My heart broke for Hunter that night, because you could tell he loved his daughter and wanted to see her more often, it was just so complicated when he didn't want to be with her mother. It was that night I made it my mission to bring him and his daughter closer together and get to know her mother so we could all get along.

The next morning when I was in the kitchen making breakfast, little miss Rosie came in and asked if she could have some more warm milk, Hunter was still asleep so I used that opportunity to bond a little with her, after warming the milk, I asked if she liked pancakes and she said yes, I than asked her if she would like to help me make them and her eyes lit up so bright, she was so excited, I told her we could make special ones for her daddy and she ran up and hugged me. That was the second time that she made my heart jump for joy and I wanted nothing more than to hug her for the rest of my life.

So now as I am again hugging Rosie, surroundedby food, feeling the pain in my heart that saying goodbye to Hunter means walking away from Rosie as well. I am feeling numb. I don't know where to look, what to say or what to do. I simply just asked Rose if she would like to get the cake ready to bring out to sing Happy Birthday to her daddy, and once again I was engulfed with one of those hugs that just makes me love this little girl even more. I just closed my eyes and hugged her tighter thinking that this might just be the last time that I hug her.