When you realise

2. The Awkwardness

I stood here frozen just staring at the unfinished salads and trying to decide if I should just leave everything and walk out the door and try to avoid humiliation, any sane person not in a relationship would do that. Or should I just try to get through today pretend that nothing happened and I didn't hear anything and make it a great birthday for him and confront him when everyone has gone home, however Rosie will still be here and she does not need to see any disputes the little angel has had to witness more disputes between her parent's than any little girl should ever have too. At 4 years old she was so much wiser than her years. I couldn't put her though another argument.

A traitorous tear escaped my eye and ran down my face, I managed to quickly wipe it away just as the sliding door opened to reveal Hunter's mother, She gave me a look I could not really decipher as the women hated my guts, she always accused me of wanting to trap her son in a relationship and make him pay for the rest of his life just like Melanie had. 

Little did she know that I didn't need or want Hunter's Money, I was with him because I actually fell in love. She also failed to acknowledge that Melanie was young and in love as well, when I first met Rosie I made it a mission to acknowledge her mother, I was in a relationship with Rosie's Father and her ex-partner I thought it only wise that I got to know her. We actually bonded over the mutual hate that Hunter's mother had towards us.

"These onions are so strong" I blurted out just as Mary was going to say something to try and pretend that I didn't hear anything that was said outside, cutting onions was a good cover for any tears that may or may not of fallen from my eyes.

Mary gave me a slight unbelieving nod but didn't comment further in fact, she only asked if I needed any help. I accepted with a smile and directed her to the salads and asked if she could start taking them to the table. On her second trip in you could hear some laughing and talk going on outside and Mary gave me a sad look "They are so loud out there, you can hear everything from in here can't you" she asked. I took a breath and slightly turned around to face the window, "I guess you can, I haven't really been paying attention" I lied while thinking to myself that I was going to just do option number two. Ignore what I heard and talk to Hunter later.

Once all the salads were placed on the table, Nathan bought the meat over and placed it in the center of the table so everyone could get to it easy. I sat down next to Hunter as it was the only chair that was left at that time. I looked at the food, I had put so much time and effort into making today, I wanted to give the man I loved the best birthday party that he had ever had, filled with good food, good friends and family, I wanted him to feel completely relaxed and happy. He did not have to think about one thing for today, I made all the arrangements, ordered all the tables and seating, I cooked most of the food but prepared everything. With the help of Rosie I made his birthday cake from scratch.

Now sitting next to him at his birthday party, knowing everything that I know now. I feel sick. I feel really sick. If I was to try and eat anything I might just vomit. I could feel my breathing getting heavier, I felt light headed and dizzy and my skin was feeling clammy. I really needed to get out of here, I have never felt more awkward in my life, I felt like all eyes were on me and everyone was looking at me with pity. I glanced around and I could not see anyone looking at me, I just couldn't control at that moment how I was feeling.

Hunter placed his hand on my thigh, I looked at his hand and felt bile rising up my throat, I wanted his hand nowhere near me, after everything that I just heard, what made him feel like he had a right to touch me. I looked up at him and his eyes had so much concern in them when he leaned forward and whispered in my ear "are you ok".

I felt so awkward what was I supposed to do lash out scream at him for what I heard, in front of everyone. As much as I felt like I wanted to do that at that moment, I didn't, I really hate arguing and confrontation.

I will never be more grateful to Rosie than I was in that moment when she jumped on my lap and asked if I could get her something to eat. The fact that Rosie was now on my lap meant that Hunter was no longer touching me. I looked up to him with his eyes still on me and I gave him a slight smile and told him I was fine, it may of sounded a little bit more cold than what I intended it to sound but I was at the point that I needed to be anywhere but here right now.

I have never felt more awkward in my life.