When you realise

11. Hunter's Heartache

"I really screwed up this time didn't I guys" I said sadly not really looking at any of them, I was more looking out across the yard".

"Yep" they are said together in sync.

"How do I fix it, how the hell am I going to get her back".

"Well we have all night to come up with a plan, Rachel just messaged and told me they were going to a club instead of going home, I'm sorry by the way for how she lashed out at you before, she has been moody lately". James apologised for his wife, they have been together since high school, high school sweethearts as they put it, they married when they were in college, neither of their parents wanted them to settle down and get married so young, but they are just as in love after being together for 13 year as they were when they first got together.

"I deserved what she said, no need to apologise. If anything I should apologise for sleeping with Katherine at the wedding, which was a really shitty thing to do"

"Katlyn" as James said this I looked at him blankly "her name was Katlyn not Katherine"

"Fuck I really am an arsehole, I don't even think I called her by the right name that night either".

They all just shook their heads at me.

"Before you chase after her, I think you actually need to decide if you really do love her and not just want her around because of Rosie, we all know that Rosie loves her but you need to figure out if you're in love with her" Tim questioned.

I took a sip of beer, well more like I skulled half in one go while thinking about what he just said.

"I am in love with her, if the way I am feeling right now like someone has ripped my heart out and is twisting it around, I almost feel like I am suffocating from my own stupidity. From that very first morning she woke up next to me, I wanted to wake up like that every day. For the first time in my life I was texting someone to see how they were, shit even with Melanie I would go days without talking to her, but with Elle I didn't even feel like I could go hours, I became addicted. When she would walk into the room she made it brighter, she had this way about her that made everyone happy, she brought everyone together, she is my light and since she walked out that door. I feel like my whole life has been sucked out of my body and I am in complete darkness".

"Well that's a bit grim, maybe you are growing up. To me it sounds like you are suffering with your first ever heartbreak and I hate to say it but you really only have yourself to blame my friend" Marcus reach over and patted my shoulder as he said it.

"Do you know she asked me if I had slept with someone else, after what I had said but she didn't give me time to reply though, she said she didn't want an answer, if I had answered yes she would have been crushed and if I had answered no, she said it would of felt like a real break up because some part of me had thought it was a real relationship instead of just a hook-up"

"Ouch man, that's rough" James let out as he put his beer bottle up to his mouth

"I guess somewhere inside of me thought it was real, because truth be told, I never even looked at anyone else from the first moment I laid eyes on her, I guess I was just so against relationships I didn't want to let it be real".

"Well let's figure out a way to get you guys back together" Tim said with a smile and for the first time since Ellie left earlier today I felt a bit of hope creep up thinking that maybe it is possible to get her back.

We all sat around for a few more hours, talking and thinking of different ways to get her back or at least get in touch with her and get her to listen to me, before we knew, it was 1am and the boys all left for home and I went to check on Rosie to make sure she was still sleeping.

I knelt at the side of Rosie's bed, you could see the dried tear stains on her cheek, I brushed her hair off her face and kissed her head, she woke up suddenly, her eyes filled with tears again and I picked her up and sat on her bed with her in my lap.

"I want Ellie" she sniffled

"She is probably asleep baby, how about we call her tomorrow"

"No daddy I want to talk to her now"

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and again tonight tried calling her number, the same message sounded, I was begging to feel helpless as Rosie's sobs got louder, I opened the message app and typed her a message.

'Rosie really wants to talk to you, if you are awake can she call you please'

Within a few seconds my phone started ringing and it was Ellie, I picked it up straight away.

"Hey, how are you?" I was desperate to hear her voice I wanted to beg for her forgiveness

"I only called for Rosie" I have never heard her sound so cold and distant towards anyone before and my heart twisted again knowing I was the cause.

"Elle, I'm" she cut me off just as I was going to start and tell her how sorry I was.

"Is Rosie awake or not" again with the coldness but also with some anger directed at me.

"I'll put her on" I had no choice but to hand the phone to Rosie, if I tried to continue to talk to her I might just push her away further, she obviously does not want to talk to me yet.

I was tempted to put it on speaker phone so that I could hear her voice, but I didn't think that she would appreciate that if she found out, I put Rosie on her bed and handed her the phone, I walked out of the door so they could talk, I didn't fully close the door but I still could hear what was said, after about a minute I walked back into the room "I promise to be a good girl..........I love you.......... goodnight" I heard my daughter say.

Rosie handed the phone back to me and I put it to my ear beep..beep..beep.

"Do you feel better after talking to Ellie baby"?

Rosie nodded her head yes while she yawned, it's not right of me to ask what they spoke about even though I am dying to know.

"Goodnight daddy" Rosie said as she put her head down on the pillow.

"Goodnight baby, I'll see you in the morning and I promise I am going to make all this better, no matter what I have to do I will make it better". With that said I walked back out the door and I made it to my room.

I fell on my bed completely emotionally spent and rubbed my chest all I could think was 'so this is what heartbreak feels like, I don't care for it, I am going to do everything in my power to fix everything that I broke'.

Now I just need to find a way to get her to talk to me.