When you realise

24. The First Call

"Hi" I said as I put the phone to me ear

"Hi Sweetheart" he replied, I heard him let out a breath.

What now, what am I going to say now, I just feel lost.

Damian got up from the couch and removed all the dirty plates while I was still just sitting here not knowing what to say. He came back over and kissed me on the head and quietly said "I'm going to bed Elle; I'll see you in the morning".

"Goodnight D" I replied still holding the phone to my ear.

"Oh, I didn't realise you had someone over, I'll go" he sounded upset. "Goodnight Ellie" he whispered

"wait Hunter, it is just Damian, he lives here, he was just telling me he was going to bed" I don't know why I felt compelled to explain to Hunter why there was someone here.

"Damian?" he questioned

"Yeah, you met him a few times, he came out to dinner with us sometimes, my best friend Damian" again I felt like I needed to justify to him.

"Oh, I didn't realise he lived with you" he quietly said, still sounding upset.

"He has since college" I replied

"But you ... and ... him are .... Um ....not" he started stuttering out his words, he didn't know how to say what he was thinking.

I realised that he didn't know that Damian was gay, I guess we never really discussed it, even when he met him. "What no, Damian is gay, you would have more of a chance getting with him than me, he already thinks you have a sexy arse" I said before realising what I had said and wanted to slap myself in the head.

I could hear him take another deep breath over the phone "What do you think about my arse" he questioned; I could almost picture the smirk that was forming on his face.

"Please tell me you did not call to talk about that" I asked, I put my hand to me cheek as it started to feel hot, please tell me I am not blushing over what he just said, great now I can only think of his arse.

"No, I just, oh god it's just great to hear your voice" he told me as I got up and turned the lights off, if Damian was in bed and I couldn't be bothered doing any more work tonight, I would get and early night as well.

I laid down on the bed "Hunter, I really don't know what you want, I thought we said all that was needed to be said weeks ago" I exclaimed, I still didn't know what I wanted.

"there are so many things I want to say Elle, I just don't know where to start, do you think there is a chance that we can start over?" he asked me

"Um, I don't know" I whispered

"Please" he begged

"I don't know if I am willing to put myself in a situation where I could get hurt again, maybe it is best to just leave it" I replied

"You can't mean that Elle" he questioned

"You have no idea how I felt that day, you have no idea how hard it was for me to walk away to feel like I was nothing" I whispered thanking myself for remembering to pick up the tissues when I went to bed.

"no, I don't know, but I know how it felt to watch you walk away, to realise I had fucked everything up, I wanted to call out to you, run to you, but I didn't feel I had any right after everything that happened, then the door closed on that car and you were gone, you have no idea how many times I wish that I could turn back time and instead of saying what I did, I wish I could tell everyone how much I was in love with you" he said

I stopped breathing; I have forgotten how to breath "What" I whispered. I wiped the fresh tears away with the tissues.

"Shit I didn't want to tell you over the phone, will you please have dinner with me tomorrow night, I need to see you" he asked