When you realise

15. The Morning After

I woke up to the smell of coffee and my best friend waving the mug under my nose. I slowly opened my eyes, thankful that the curtains were still drawn and it was still dark in my room. My head was pounding, I don't know if it was from the alcohol, the crying or lack of sleep, maybe a mixture of all 3.

I sat up in bed and moved back to lean on the back rest, Damian handed me my coffee then dug some aspirin out of his pocket. "The joys of wearing sweatpants, these things have pockets, who knew". He handed me 2 aspirin and opened the bottle of water on the side table. Handing it to me after I had put the aspirin in my mouth, I took a sip, swallowed and handed him back the bottle and slowly started to drink my coffee, hoping that the aspirin works fast.

"Ellie what happened last night" Damian asked me as he sat back on the bed sliding next to me putting the covers back over him and reaching out for his own coffee of the side table.

I looked down at the coffee swirling it around a bit "I don't know".

"Was it that guy I saw you leave with, did he hurt you" he questioned.

"No it wasn't him, he didn't do anything. It was me, it was how I felt after I left him". I confusedly said as I was bringing the coffee cup back up to my lips to drink, once the coffee was back down in my hands on my lap I continued "I can't explain it really, ever since I was in college I used sex as an escape from my life, you didn't need to know a name, you just need to let out some stress and everything was better, it was the same when we are at work and I had a rough day or a deal didn't go through, find a random no strings attached to relax, but last night it didn't work, when I left that hotel room, I didn't feel like everything was going to be ok, I still felt pain, I still felt heartache, I felt broken, unloved, for the first time I felt ashamed of having sex with a random guy".

Damian watched as I continued to drink my coffee and a traitorous tear slid down my face, he reached up and wiped it away with his thumb "You are in love with him Elle, that just does not go away overnight, I guess the first heartbreaks are the hardest because for the first time in your life, you don't know how to express what you are feeling".

"Hunter became such a big part in my life, I really thought he was the endgame for me, I have never felt with anyone else what I felt for him, I loved him" I replied before adding in a whisper "I love him". It was at that moment that the tears started.

Damian put his arm around my shoulder and brought my head down to lay on his shoulder "I know you love him sweetheart, I guess I didn't realise how much that was until I saw you in that shower, for the first time ever I saw my best friend broken and I don't know what to do to fix you".

"Maybe I'm just not meant to be loved" I whispered trying to control my crying.

"I love you baby and I have always loved you, you are stuck with me" Damian said as he reached up to push my chin up with the hand that was not around my shoulder so he could look me in the eyes. It was then that I knew that I was not alone through this, Damian has always been there for me and he always will be, he is my strength when I am weak.

I gave him the strongest smile I could manage at that time, so it was not big but it was enough to let him know what he means to me and how much I appreciate that he is here for me "It's not the same, you are my family, the only family I have".

By the look on my face Damian knew I needed a bit of cheering up and he always had a way with words to make me laugh "It could be the same, I mean I would totally turn straight for you just as long as we were to get some bedroom toys, you wouldn't mind wearing one of those strap on penis's and ploughing into me, I'm sure you could give it to me rough".

"You are one perverted sick freak, you know that" I laughed out, we both burst into laughter before I relaxed back in his arm resting on his shoulder. "Thank you" I managed to choke out before any more tears would escape.

"For what baby girl" he replied. "For being you, for being here with me" I whispered. "Always" he whispered as he kissed me on the top of my forehead.

We managed to stay in bed a little longer, laying around and cuddling, Damian has always known how to cheer me up. I decided that I couldn't stay in bed anymore, I jumped up to go in the shower, while Damian went back to his room.

When I walked through the bathroom doors, I looked at the shower and all memories of last night's panic attack came back to me, all of a sudden my breath got heavier and I didn't think it was a great idea to have a shower, but I pushed everything aside, I knew I needed to get ready, I was never one to wallow in self-pity so I knew I needed to get out of the apartment, so I quickly jumped in the shower, washed and got out, it was the quickest shower I have ever had.

I wrapped a towel around my body and made my way to the closet, I really had no idea what I was going to do today, all I knew was that I had to get up, get dressed and get out. As I was going through my clothes, a thought popped into my mind.

Before I met Hunter, I had always wanted to expand Hastings Hotels and it kind of got put on the back burner when most of my time was taken up by Hunter in the past year. So with the thought of expansion on my mind, I pulled out a Black knee length skirt and a white blouse and decided I was going to go to the office and start looking up different real estate offers on the other side of the country, either a rundown Hotel that needs work or she could even look into property where I could build something, starting right from scratch, working with an Architect to design something my way.

As I finished putting on my blouse Damian came in "So what are we doing today" he asked but as soon as he saw that I was fully dressed in my office attire he trailed off with a question "Why does it look like you are going to the office?"

"Because I am going into the office?" I said as a question, I actually thought it was pretty obvious by the way that I was dressed.

"But I don't want to go to work, its Sunday" Damian whined. Damian was second in charge at Hasting Inc. It wasn't only Hotels that I owned but also restaurants, pubs, night clubs and Damian was with me from the very beginning, I trust him with my life, it was only natural that I appointed him COO.

"You don't have to come into the office today, I'm only going to go in and look at real estate options for expanding across country like we had planned of since I officially took over as CEO. I just really need to get out of the apartment". I explained to him.

"I don't want you to be alone today" he replied

I rolled my eyes as I picked up my phone because sometimes he really does like to wrap me in cotton wool so nothing will hurt me, it was then that I saw I had several missed calls, most of them were from Hunter, but there were also a few from Rachel and Bianca, I had notifications that I had a voice mail, I knew last night that Hunter had left a voice mail message but I have not attempted to hear it. I swallowed the lump forming in my mouth and slowed my breathing to keep it steady, I tried to make it look like nothing was up but Damian saw right through me and came to take my phone.

"Shit Elle there are over 30 missed calls on here". he exclaimed.

I chose to ignore what he said, if I was to start and decipher why Hunter and the others had tried to call me most of the night, I don't think I would of made it out of the apartment so I continued with my earlier train of thought and pushed everything else to the back of my mind "Its 11:30 now, because you don't want me to be alone today, what say you pick up lunch around 1:30 and bring it in to share with me".

I know Damian knew that I was not going to answer him about the phone calls so he put the phone back in my hand with an audible sigh "Sure, what do you want?"

"Surprise me" I said as I stood on my tippy toes and gave him a kiss on his cheek knowing that our conversation regarding my phone is far from over.