When you realise

8. Hunter's Realisation

After watching Eliana get taken away in that car I think I was in shock, I thought we were on the same page, I thought she was only wanting fun as well, we never had any conversations about a relationship and a future, after that first morning and me asking if she wanted to stay for breakfast, she ended up staying all day, I spent almost 24 hours with one woman and I was still happy, when she said she needed to go home as she had to go to work the next day, for some reason I still didn't want her to go.

I grabbed her phone and called my number making sure I had her phone number, again I have no idea why I did that but the thought of her leaving that night didn't feel right, I wanted to be waking up with her again.

At the time I just thought it was because the sex was out of this world, but right now, in this moment as I think back to how things started, I actually think I didn't want her to go home because I would actually miss her and given that she had only left for 45 minutes before I texted her to make sure she got home ok.

I think as Tim put it earlier today that it actually could have been love at first sight, I was just too against relationships and love to have realised it.

At this stage I had made it back to my room, I was seated at the end of my bed, still feeling confused, Rosie had just stopped sobbing and now only had small sniffles. I lifted her head up again and cleared her face of the tears that were now drying.

"Do you want to go back outside and eat some cake princess"? I asked her sadly, her reply completely shattered me on the inside but I didn't let it show. "I want to go home, can you just get mummy to come and get me".

"How about you have a little rest now and if you still want to go home later you can" I had to try anything to get her to stay. "Can Ellie come back and watch a movie with me if I stay". She asked quietly.

"Oh baby, I don't think Ellie will come back! Daddy said some mean things and Ellie was very sad and went home" how do you explain to your 4 year old daughter that you never want to be in a relationship?

"You can say sorry daddy, when you say mean things and say sorry it can get better", I looked into her innocent eyes and brushed some hair of her face, her eyes were still red from crying, she looked tired, she had a big day helping with the decorations and cake.

"Thank you for making me the best birthday cake in the world baby, it was so yummy". She had a slight smile at being praised. But I could see her eyes wanting to close and she was fighting it.

"Go to sleep princess and daddy will be here when you wake up" with that being said she slowly put her head on my shoulder and by the time I had stood up with her in my arms and carried her to bed, she was asleep. I covered her over and kissed her head, while looking down at her I couldn't help but feel something was missing.

When I usually put Rosie down to sleep, Ellie is always there to kiss her head and say good night afterwards, for someone that didn't want a relationship, I don't know why I let it go as far as it did, she was right, we acted like we were together.

It was only right that she thought we were a couple.

I left Rosie's room and made my way back out to the backyard where my parents and friends were still sitting around and talking. I pulled a beer out of the esky and cracked it open as I sat down in my chair.

I looked around at everyone so happy and laughing.

Mum and dad were sitting down the end, even though they bickered sometime, most of it just comical, they had been madly in love for 40 years now.

I looked over at James who was looking at Rachel like she was his world.

I quickly looked away because I didn't want to intrude on their moment but I found myself looking at Marcus just as he lifted Bianca's left hand up and kissed the ring that he had placed on her finger only 2 weeks earlier.

I found myself for the first time in my life wishing I had that.

What am I thinking, I did have that!

Earlier today I had that, when I walked up to Ellie and held her in my arms and thanked her for giving me the best day ever.

I had that last night when we were both lying in bed, even though little words were said we were still just comfortable holding each other.

I had that last week when she jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist after I told her I made that new deal at work she was so excited for me, she showed that excitement that much that we ended up making love that night right there on the couch.

Who am I kidding, I had that one year ago when I first looked into her eyes across the room.

It was at this very moment in time, right this very second as I took another mouthful of my beer that I realised for the first time that I am in love, I am hopelessly and helplessly in love with Eliana Hastings.

Tim managed to sit beside me without me knowing and I guess he was observing me because the next question had me stunned that he had actually paid that much attention to me.

"Please don't tell me that you realise that you loved her after you let her go". He only said it loud enough for me to hear.

I looked straight at him and whatever was showing on my face in that moment had him shaking his head "You are such a fucking idiot man" he didn't say it in a way that was spiteful, it was said in a way that was just a friend telling you that you did something stupid, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I got a fair idea of what was happening when I went to the toilet before".

I guess I did do something stupid, I let the women that I had fallen deeply in love with without realising, walk out of my life because I didn't want to be screwed over in a relationship again.

I guess I failed because I only managed to screw myself over and hurt Rosie at the same time not to mention I broke Ellie's heart, I wish I had discovered that I was in love with her before I said all the things I said to make her want to leave.

I said I wanted no more kids and I didn't want to be trapped, so why am I now wishing that we were the ones engaged and hoping one day we could give Rosie a baby brother.

Everything I didn't want this morning I am craving for this afternoon.

I was pulled out of my thought's when Rachel spoke up and looked straight at me "Oh my god, this cake is so delicious, actually everything was amazing today, it's not like you to spend money to throw a party, you usually just go out for drinks, I'm not complaining because it was a great afternoon, did you hire caterers to make everything".

I shook my head no and quietly replied "Ellie made everything including the cake, Ellie actually organised this whole day, I didn't need to do a thing, she also paid for it".

I took a look around at everything that was done, from the lawns to the food that was quietly being put away by my mother, she had made a few trips into the house already and the table was almost cleared again.

"Oh cool, where is Elle, she has got to give me this recipe" Rachel again burst out with so much energy, she looked around but still failed to see her. I sat completely still I actually did not know how to tell everyone that she had left, that she had walked out of my life forever.

That's when my dad spoke up looking directly at me, I looked back at him and all I could see was disappointment directed at me for what had happened "She left" it was only 2 simple words that he said that made me realise I have royally screwed up.