When you realise

19. Jealous

3 minutes to go until my alarm goes off to start yet another week, how do I know there are only 3 minutes left, because I have been staring at it for the past hour. Sleep has not been easy in the past 3 weeks, I looked at the little bottle sitting beside the alarm, maybe I should have taken 2 last night, and just maybe I would have slept right through to the alarm if I had taken 2.

When the alcohol stopped working to put me to sleep, I started taking sleeping tablets. A few times if the day was rough I even took sleeping tablets with a chaser of whisky, probably not my brightest idea but without them when I lay down all I see is his face, when will it be over, when will the pain in my chest go away.

When the alarm finally goes off, I really wish I had put it on the beep instead of playing music when Adele's someone like you comes over the speaker, I smash my hand down on the alarm hard, hard enough to let out a loud cry of pain "Ow Fuck" I yelled.

Damian came running in "What, what happened, Ow Fuck, oh shit oh shit oh shit" he was chanting while holding his foot after he had kicked his toe on the foot of the bed, while trying to get to me.

As Damien was hopping about on one foot trying to get to the bed, I was shaking my hand out, how that was going to stop the pain I didn't know. I looked down at what Damian was wearing and all of a sudden the pain in my hand disappeared and I started laughing.

"Cute undies" I expressed with a grin, he had managed to finally sit down on the bed still rubbing his foot, he looked down and smirked "Who wouldn't want Thor on his dick" he chucked showing them off more, they were a black pair of tight boxer shorts with a picture of Thor holding his hammer as if it was his penis.

"And here I thought you only wore g-stings" I said with pure amusement, "No, they only come out when I'm picking up" he replied, "Lacy" I asked "Don't you know it" he winked.

I was rubbing my hand in pain "did you kill the alarm clock again" Damian asked me "Maybe" I replied as he took my hand and kissed it better. "You know I'm not kissing your foot better don't you" I told him".

"Oh god please don't, foot fetishes are a complete turn off, I once had this guy, wank himself off while sucking my big toe" he shivered in disgust, "worst 40 seconds of my life, he just left after that thanking me, fucking psycho people out there".

"That is so not a conversation for 6am, actually that is something that you should never talk about again" I as well shivered in discuss.

"Ok get off my bed, go shower and get ready, we have work to do, I have that meeting today at lunch with the real estate about the building across the road, you want your own office don't you, I need to jump on this deal fast, a building like that in the middle of the city is not going to last long, I'm just glad we got the inside scoop before it was made public" I said in my business, don't mess with me voice.

"You're always so bossy, I love it" Damian yelled out as he was walking out his door, shaking his arse so it looked like the clouds on the back of his boxers were moving.

I jumped out of bed and headed straight for the shower, while washing my hair, flashes of that night kept coming into my thoughts, flashes of Hunter, Rosie, us together, the panic attack, I just wanted it all to stop, how long does it take for everything to disappear, as always the shower became an emotional whirlwind and I couldn't wait to get out of it.

Reaching for the towel, I found myself once again trying to regulate my breathing, maybe it's time to see the doctor about the anxiety attacks I am having as well as the lack of sleep.

I dried my hair and pinned it up in a bun not really wanting to deal with it in my eyes today,I  put a bit of make up on, I didn't really need a lot, just a bit of lip gloss, mascara and eye liner just to make my eyes stand out. I usually only ever put a full face of make up on when I went out to a club.