Thieves Of Olympus

60

MASON

"Will you still accept me even if I have blood on my hands?"

Anna stares at me. Confused and puzzled. Pilit ko Mang ibaon sa limot ang ginawa ko ay alam kong lalabas at lalabas din ang nangyari. I can't always run from my problems.

I can live with it but I can't run.

"Anong sinasabi mo?" tanong niya sa akin.

Do my words sound so vague right now? Sigurado akong alam niya ang sinasabi ko. O baka ayaw niya din tanggapin ang nangyari katulad ko.

I still have that nightmare every night. It is on repeat and tattooed behind my eyelids. Sa tuwing pipikit ako iyon ang nakikita ko. I don't even want to mention his name!

The blood... His facial expression... His word:

Murderer.

I am a murderer. I killed my own brother.

...with my own hands.

"He is dead," mahina kong sinabi.

"Sinong patay na? I don't understand anything at all," she puts her hands on the side of her head.

"I am a murderer! I killed him! I killed... Kajiya... My brother. After he—" my voice hoarse and broke.

Naalala ko na naman. Her bleeding head. Their desperate looks and pleas for me to leave with them. Kaso hindi ko ginawa. Fear and anger beat me. I am consumed by the wanting to have revenge. To protect her from him.

Now I am haunted by what I did.

"You're lying."

"I'm not. I couldn't even hold a sword without shaking."

"Totoo ba iyan?"

"I got angry. Noong makita kitang sugatan. Your blood on his blade habang nakangiti siya sa akin. I became my own anger. I can't control myself after that. Even his comrades... They are dead because of me. Because of this fucking hands. I'm a murderer!"

"Hindi..." she comes near me pero lumayo ako.

"Kaya lumayo ako sa inyo. I hid it all alam kong gusto din malaman ni Kaito pero iniiwasan ko siya hanggang sa umalis ulit tayo. Baka magiba ang tingin niya... Ninyo sa akin."

"I understand where you're coming from. Pero hindi ako magagalit ng walang dahilan. You know how I want to listen so bad pero lumayo ka! I am just there waiting! I keep telling myself to understand and give you some time of your own..." her eyes glisten with tears.

"I can't vent out on you... Ayaw ulit kitang masaktan. Not by me. Baka kainin na naman ako ng emosyon ko sa'yo ko maibunton ang pagsisisi ko."

"Ayaw mo lang ng kinakaawaan ka. You are tough. So tough I don't know what's in your head. Sumagi man lang ba ako sa isip mo?"

"Because I don't need pity!" she flinched when I raise my voice. "I look tough? I am fucking tired of closing my eyes seeing you wounded and bleeding in my arms! Sana ako na lang iyon. Hindi ikaw. Hindi kayo nadamay sa pagitan namin," I clenched my fists.

"You know you can always lean on me," alo niya. Malungkot ang mga mata niyang tumingin sa akin. We maintained our distance from each other.

"I can't... I don't want to hurt you with my pain. It is too heavy."

"Then let me carry it with you! You kept silent about everything. But that silence will slowly kill you! Hindi mo nakikita iyon?"

"Then so be it. I want to protect you. From your pain... My pain... Everything that will hurt you."

"Even you? You'll protect me from you?" she chuckles bitterly without humor.

"Bullshit."

Nagulat ako sa murang lumabas sa bibig niya. I did not hear her curse for once pero ngayon... It drips with bitterness and pain.

"Fuck your shitty reasons of protecting me from pain. When you are the one who is giving me that stupid pain!" she spat.

"I love you so bad I'd do anything to keep your smile," usal ko. "Baka sa susunod dugo niyo na ang nasa kamay ko. Or worse... Yours," dagdag ko.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko, "What... Why?"

"I love you."

"Are you sure? Baka nagkakamali ka. Soleil... She is that person you love."

"Liked. It is different from love."

"Nababaliw ka na. That's the reason why I want you to share your pain with me. You can't think straight anymore."

"I can't think straight when you almost died because of me."

"You should sleep. Alam mo naman kung saan ang kwarto ko kapag kailangan mo ng kausap."

"I need you... Not someone to vent my feelings out. Not an emotional crutch... You."

Umiling siya sa akin. She is amused by my words. Not fazed only allured, "We should rest. Galing tayo sa biyahe."

"I'll feel at rest when you tell me what you feel."

"Me? I am willing to listen. I am also tired from all of this pero hindi ako mapapagod na makinig. Palagi akong nandito kahit nasaktan ako sa ginawa mo."

"I'm sorry... Hindi ko alam na nasaktan kita. I didn't mean to..." mahina kong sabi. I mean it hindi ko sinasadya.

"I miss you."

"Ditto. I'll stick to you as long as you have problems because I'm your friend," tugon niya.

What the fuck?!

Nasaktan ako ng bahagya sa sinabi niya. Friend? That's worse than being called a brother! Sana ay tinawag na lang niya akong Kuya kung ganoon.

For an intelligent person like her. She is stupid understanding her feelings.

Is she denying it?

Is she jealous?

I close the distance between us. Napasandal siya sa puno sa likod niya, "Do I need to prove it?"

"Alam kong platonic lang ang nararamdaman mo. You don't want me to feel pain so I'll take it. Siguro infatuation lang itong akin," she honestly said her feeling to me, "Lilipas din ito."

"You're distracting me. You are so concerned about me earlier now you are telling me you are only infatuated. Really, Anna?" I press.

"M-maybe," she stutters.

"Who's the liar between us now?" I lock eyes with her.

Nagiwas siya ng tingin, "Nilalamig na ako. Papasok na ako sa loob. I want to sleep too."

"Sleep? You're avoiding me. Pagkatapos kong sabihin sayo yung totoo."

"I'm sorry. Na-pressure kita... hindi kasi ako sanay na hindi mo ako—kami—kinakausap."

"Liar. Your also tough don't you know that? That's what I love about you. You're a no ordinary woman."