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ꜰɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜꜱ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ

                              ****

You woke up to a bright light. Blinding.

For a second you thought you were in heaven, or just whatever afterlife there was.

You opened your eyes slowly, finding them stiff, your eyelashes sticking together and the first thing you saw was a door. Then walls, a ceiling, a chair, a table. The rest of your body came into focus, most concealed under a thick white blanket.

You had something attached to your mouth, you couldn't see what exactly it was and so you went to move your arm to take it off. But your left arm was in a cast.

A cast

You took it in, what this meant. You had survived, you were alive. You didn't know how.
But you didn't want to be.

                               ****

Your heart sunk.
You were in a hospital bed, very much alive.

Then the tears started and they didn't stop even when a young nurse walked into the room with shock on her face. As if you were the very last person she was expecting to see today. How long had you been out?

You couldn't help but notice that no one was here when you woke up. There was no dad, no one on the team.

No flowers or cards, even if some part of you had expected there to be. Your heart shattered.

You carried on thinking like this for a while until you realised what you had realised that night with Steve before the roof. You were the selfish one. You had hurt them. You couldn't blame them for anything.

                               ****

While the nurse fumbled with wires and tubes you racked your brain to try and remember anything from that night.

You remember Steve, Tony and Bruce on the roof, remember jumping, remember people screaming, and looking at the stars. Then it all fades, and you can't remember what happened next. So you tried to speak to the nurse as she hovered above you, a clipboard in her hand, looking at a monitor to your right.

"H-" you started. "How-". Your voice wasn't even a whisper. It was scratchy and rough and croaky and you didn't recognise it at all. It was as if you hadn't spoken in months.

But she heard you at least. She put her finger to her mouth in a shushing motion and said "Don't speak. you'll strain your voice." Her voice was soft and quiet.

"I suppose you'll want answers?" She said to you.

You didn't recognise her but she spoke to you like a friend. She must've been your nurse in the time you were asleep. You nodded at her slowly. Your head pounding as you did. You winced slightly. A headache.

She grabbed your right hand, the one without the cast, the tubes running through it digging into your skin slightly, but not so It hurt. She looked you in your eyes and you prepared for the worst.

"You were in a coma for 5 months." She said, while stroking your hand with her thumb.
A coma. Five months? Your eyes widened.

"You've got broken ribs, a broken left arm, a broken right leg. They have been healing all this time, but they were clean breaks - you'll need a little longer before they are right again, you will have to use crutches for the leg in the meantime I'm afraid. When you were brought in you had a bad concussion and internal bleeding to the stomach. You're lucky to be alive Y/N."

But that's the point. You didn't want to be alive.

You nodded again, though it hurt tremendously too.

You wondered if she knew what happened, that you fell off the roof with a purpose. To die. But surely she wouldn't have said those words if she knew.

You wondered if she knew you were an avenger.

She didn't look at you with fear or with pride in her eyes. Just sorrow. Too see a 20 year old girl in this position. A young girl. You wondered if she had a daughter of her own, and then your mind flicked back to your dad.

"I'm going to let you get some sleep now, your sats are normal, and your dinner will be brought tonight if you want it but I do encourage you to try and eat." She moved over to you.

"I'm going to take this off okay?" She gestured to the oxygen mask, you figured it was, on your face. You nodded again. When she removed it from your face you felt like you were drowning.

"Breathe." She instructed you.

Then she showed you how and breathed with you. In and out. In and out. Slowly and deeply. Until your breathing was slow, and normal and you weren't inhaling borrowed air. She gave you a rub on the shoulder and went to open the door.

"Any problems, just press the call button." She said with a smile, pointing to the big red button on the table to your right, attached to a wire leading under the mattress of the bed.

You took in your surroundings once more and before sleep swallowed you up again, you made yourself a promise.

You would get better.

Even if you didn't want to.