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ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴇᴛ

STEVE

She was unconscious the whole way home.
I couldn't even bare to look at her, every-time I did I broke down-

I just felt guilt.

Pure and utter regret.

She had saved our life now, it was getting out of hand, she'd already been through so much. How was I going to repay her?

"Hey." Bucky spoke from next to me in the Jet, where I had my head in my hands. He'd returned to normal by now, i knew he vaguely remembered what he did. But i knew Bucky extremely well- whatever he did remember, he wouldn't feel any guilt at that death.

Everyone was so glad that sick bastard was finally dead.

I owed a great deal to Bucky as well as Y/N, for willing to do this; because sure as hell it wasn't easy for him.

I lifted my gaze up to his, his face bruised and bloody, and his lip cut. I smiled a little at him, to reassure him I was okay.

"I just....feel so guilty, Buck." I started talking, shrugging my shoulders, and dropping my head to look at the floor.

"Y/N, You, just the whole thing. It's messed up." My head was back in my hands now, and Bucky leaned back against the wall to the side of me, as if agreeing. "If I had been able to talk her down that night-." My voice broke a little, and I tried so hard to keep the tears from falling. "None of this would've happened. Peter being hurt, Y/N being took and tortured and-."

I broke off again, avoiding the bad memories and also not quite sure how to put my thoughts into words. "It's just regret and guilt. It's eating away at me, really." I concluded, hoping that didn't sound too dramatic.

Bucky just sighed next to me, and patted me on the back a little, before smiling at me.

I was also concerned for him.

"How are you doing?" I asked him, he just went through a lot, and something he hadn't been through in years.

He nodded.
"I'm fine." He said solemnly. "We did the right thing." And looked down the jet to where Y/N was lying, Nat, Tony and Bruce around her.

The way he used 'we' put me at ease a little, i knew he wasn't angry at me, we had talked this over beforehand, but I still felt responsible, for any guilt- any unease this could now cause Bucky.

Everything-
Everything was messed up.

"We're landing in 10." Clint called from the cockpit soon after mine and Bucky's conversations.

The minutes after Clint had spoken were enveloped in silence. The rest of the team all in various states of sitting on the floor or dressing their wounds, even Tony, Nat and Bruce had gone silent standing around an unconscious Y/N.
I felt the need to say something.

"Guys." I said a little quiet, and the team all slowly turned their heads to me. My eyes started to sting and blur and this time I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my face.

"H-How do we ever repay her." I clenched my teeth together hard and kept my breathing relatively steady, trying desperately to keep myself together. The team all looked the same as me, all on the edge. All probably thinking the same thing- knowing the same truth however ugly it was.

If Y/N wasn't there. Even if it wasn't at the time she was, then we would've died. That's the truth.

I stand up. I'm not sure why though I think some part of me is trying to establish control- whatever that really means anymore.

They followed their gazes up.
And I looked around the room, took in everyone's bloody and battered faces.

"She took it upon herself to come all the way to Russia, and she saved us. If she wasn't there in time who knows what could've happened." I addressed the group solemnly. Bruce nodded.

"He put us on our knees- the avengers." I laughed a little. "He put us on our knees and he threatened us. For years we've been unafraid and unaware of this group, this organisation. But we still kneeled there. Then just as we were really losing any hope of a plan, Y/N came.

Why did we stay there? Why did we let him? If we were to die then, it should've been fighting. But we kneeled, for that sick bastard. Why?" I asked. People were dropping their heads.

"We can't let it happen- ever again." Thor spoke up, in the silence that followed. I nodded and sighed.

"It can't come down to Y/N." I concluded, I had to make that clear. Thor shook his head, and when he looked up I nodded at him. Nodded at all of them, holding eye contact. So we were all agreed.

I looked over at her body, still. Right there in that moment she looked vulnerable, fragile.
But really she was the opposite. I knew she was a fighter, there was no doubt about it. I knew she wouldn't have jumped off the roof if she got help, but she was left to deal with it on her own.

I blamed myself for that.

I knew Tony did too.

I think everyone felt like they had a part to play in her attempt. We had no idea- I had no idea. If we knew, if she just talked to us, we could've helped. None of this would've happened.

I do not blame her.
But I blame myself.

I walked over to Y/N, nodding at the group surrounding her, and sat down in a chair closest to her, that Tony had just vacated. I looked at her, her scarred face, her lips still slightly tugged up in a smile.

And I stayed there, until the jet landed.