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ᴛʀᴀɪɴɪɴɢ ᴅᴀʏ

I woke up to my alarm at 7am.

I'd only had about 4 hours of sleep.

I groaned a little as I opened my sensitive eyes against the light of the room. I turned over and resisted the urge to tap snooze on my phone as I remembered that it was training day.

I practically rolled out of bed, and stretched out my arms above my head, sighing. I was up late last night.

I remembered Peter then, as I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I set it to cold.

I thought about what, ultimately, I did to him, leaning against the wall, the cold water hammering my back, making my breathing quicken.

I thought about what Bucky had said but I didn't see how not to blame myself.

I thought about how kind Bucky had been to me.

He was understanding, because he had been through the same as me. The exact same.

I banged my head against the wall a little.

Bruce- he'd tried to commit suicide once.

My father- he struggled terribly with anxiety.

The more I put things into perspective, the more I saw that I wasn't alone. The more I wished I knew that before I jumped.

If HYDRA wasn't there- I wouldn't have survived that fall, that was the ugly truth.

As terrifying as the whole experience was, I wouldn't be back at home if they hadn't have took me.

But

Peter wouldn't have been shot.

The whole thing made my head ache, and it didn't stop until I was out of the shower and dressed.

I chose what I would usually wear on training day. A tank top, and leggings.

But the leggings were loose.

I changed into sweatpants.

Those months at HYDRA I had lost a tremendous amount of weight. I looked at myself in the mirror, thin and pale. I needed more food- a good diet an I'd fill out a little bit.

Right,
Food.

I grabbed my phone and plugged my earphones in, playing one of my favourite songs on Spotify. 'River' by Leon Bridges.

I hadn't listened to this song since before I jumped. It got me through a lot of things, made me feel happy. So I smiled as the first guitar notes played, and I walked downstairs, turning my lights off and tying my hair back messily as I went.

I made it to the kitchen, my headphones still in. No one was there yet.

I pondered for a second, before I decided to make toast, something simple but filling.

I'd changed the song over after the first had ended, so I was now listening to Elton John. I stood, waiting for the bread to pop up in the toaster, lip syncing to the lyrics.

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home-

The bread pops up, and I take one earphone out. I throw the toast down on a plate and get out some butter. I butter the bread, being careful with the knife, lip syncing again, and i turn round, the plate in my hand, walking to the sofa.

All of a sudden, Steve is next to me, and he picks up all of the toast from the plate, before walking away, a grin on his face. I stand there open mouthed before putting the plate down on the coffee table, taking the remaining earphone out of my ear and throwing my phone onto the sofa.