.because you stop the noise

03May15 - Conclusions

"So... when I was with Lindsey..."

Bert pauses mid spoonful of cereal. This conversation could go one of a few ways. Bert was well aware that Gerard was staring at him, waiting for some kind of response or reaction but Bert was too busy evaluating the options and calculating the chances of this conversation ending up taking a 'not in Bert's favor' kind of way.

Before when the subject of Gerard's brief stunt with that woman would come up, it would be a light-hearted and funny little joke. But her name hadn't been mentioned in years now and to suddenly be brought up over muesli and a display of freshly cut fruit at the breakfast table was... unnerving to say the least. Especially because of the tension in their marriage. The first few months are supposed to be utter bliss. But with all things them, the opposite always ended up being true.

Bert had been at a loss for a while but he wasn't willing to give up on anything. The love was still there, from both sides. The love is strong and undeniable. Intimacy and communication were the issues here. Gerard being in a situation he couldn't control, Bert trying to be patient with him but also learning that talking wasn't always helpful because personal things like this not only make Gerard uncomfortable but also affects his self-esteem. Bert knew this whole thing was close to being a circle instead of a rocky road. A cause, leading to a symptom leading straight back to the cause. Being quiet and not doing or saying anything to further push Gerard into a depression was the only thing Bert knew how to do now. That and jerk off in the shower thinking about his husband in a sexy dress...

Earlier
... or that pretty new girl at the coffee place. Or Jessica Alba. Yeah, she looks a bit like that Australian girl Allison. Or... definitely that girl at the coffee place... "Ahhh shit..." Bert grips the showerhead pipe and speeds his hand up on himself, "Fff ffff fu uucck." Eyes closed and breathing heavily. But lately, he's begun to understand why they call a man's orgasm 'the little death' because lately his don't come without guilt immediately following. As in immediately.

The only eyebrow raises he's getting lately from walking around wet and shirtless after a shower are ones of curiosity. Curiosity about why the fuck Bert is walking around wet and shirtless. It's not that Gerard wasn't attracted to him. It's that thinking about sex made Gerard feel guilty and guilt led to feelings of inadequacy, which led to all the roads he didn't wanna be going down. So Bert just throws on a shirt and goes to pick up fresh fruit and coffee at that place with the girl. Get a little bit of a flirty smile exchange, which immediately perks him up and he's able to walk back into the house with his usual 'I'm hot shit' look on his face. It was important for Bert to keep his spirits up, to lessen Gerard's guilt. Flirting with pretty girls to keep his husband from depression. Only Bert McCracken would find himself in this kind of situation.

But how to get out of whatever fresh hell this is...

Bert swallowed his mouthful of muesli hard, slowly turning towards his husband who had that nervous look on his face. "What about your ex-wife?"

Bert's answer seemed to only amp G's nerves up. "I mean... we weren't even married for two months. Does she really count as my ex-wife? Can't she just be a former..." looking for the most appropriate word... "situation?" with a shy little smile on his face that only made Bert snort with amusement. How could he not be head over hills in love with this man?

Bert took a long moment to just look at him and his perfect face. "Baby, I love you and I would grant you anything in the world. But you consummated that 'situation'. She was your official wife." chuckling a bit under his breath before tossing a grape into his mouth.

Gerard chewed on his lip, clearly finding it hard to say whichever words he's had mauling around in his brain for a while. "Uhm..." mumbling through the fingernail he now started biting as well. "It's kind'a about that."

Bert sat back with a sharp release of air from his nose, looking away from Gerard and shaking his head, "I'm not giving you a fucking divorce." turning his head back to shook a very firm look at Gerard to let him know that he's not gonna just roll over and die. Gerard however, had his eyes closed tight, shaking his head. Not in protest but in confusion. Trying to work out how the fuck Bert got to that conclusion. Then wondering if Bert really thought their relationship was shit enough to warrant the thought. Bert just shrugs, no time or energy to even consider anything other than what was on his mind in that current moment, "I don't care if we never fuck again. If those pills are keeping you alive and we can still sit around here eating fruit and laughing about the 8 times you put your penis in a vagina, I'm not letting you count me as another ex."

Gerard continued to shake his head, even adding a little scoff, "Will you shut the fuck up?" he had one of his 'you're so goddamn stupid' smiles on the side of his face. "I don't want a fuckin' divorce. I'm trying to talk about putting a dick in a vagina."

"What?" Bert's brain couldn't even tell his face what the fuck expression would be appropriate right now. "Why?"

Gerard sits back in his chair, calm a Hindu cow. He'd clearly been taking these months to think about things that Bert had no idea was on his mind. "Cause you were right. We're not our parents. So... I want you to make us a baby."

A whole world of shit to unpack as that piece of information smacks Bert in the face. He'd already been thinking they were talking about divorce and now it seemed Gerard was actually talking about the one thing Bert wanted more than anything else. Another child. His own, from his body. But even though it was his dream, he was still too confused to allow himself to feel the happiness just yet. Scared that this was some kind of desperate grasp to try and fix the parts of them that were difficult right now. Would he want a child for this reason? And secondly, "I don't need'a stick my dick in a pussy for that."

"Yeah." Gerard nods his head then tilting it, looking at Bert meaningfully and with a calmness in his heart. "But you want to lately. And I'm gonna let you."