.because you stop the noise

23Oct22 - Fuck You 3

G:"Fuckin'Selfish-"

B:"Arrogant -" their words entwining,

G:"-Asshole!"

B:"-Bitch."

G:"What?"

Thank god hotel walls are so thick. Las Vegas knows that the devil comes out at night. Gerard had been pacing but now stopped dead in his tracks to send Bert not only a death stare, but the kind that really has emotion and shock. Bert hadn't spoken to him like that in a long time. Not unless he ws being playful. But Bert wasn't being playful tonight. In fact the level to which Gerard was shaking with extreme emotion was alarming. But he was nowhere ready to show Bert just how sad he was. He was gonna fight tears to the death.

Bert sniffed, he knew he'd crossed some kind of line but now that he had crossed it, might as well stay there, "I said... arrogant bitch." and even though he was strong enough to have said it a second time, a small part of him felt the sting of it. Guilt because he could see the confusion in Gerard. Why would he call him something so nasty after all these years... to his face.

Gerard's fists were balled up and squeezing tight. "I'm an arrogant, bitch? Do you know how I had to convince them to even do it?" Throwing his hands up in the air, "And then you have the fucking nerve..."

This was not going well. "No. Please do tell me how much your band doesn't want me on stage with them." Bert all the while smirking even though he was swallowing back the lump in his throat now. He hated the words that came out of Gerard's mouth and someone had to pay for this feeling, "How you had to beg and plead and suck Frank's dick."

He hadn't planned the words, but there they were, like vomit all over this Las Vegas hotel floor.

Gerard got such a fright, he actually felt nauseous. Eyes wide and so unbelievably hurt, he just started shouting, "Fuck off! Fuck off, Bert!" He falls back onto the sofa, just putting his head in his hands and starts to sob. Actually sob. Fuck fighting the tears. Bert said that shit and nothing could've hurt worse.

Bert hadn't expected Gerard to start crying like this. It shocked him to his core. He had fucked up worse than Gerard initially had. He knew that. But he was still too angry to try and make it right, call it even or anything like that. There was even a part of him that wanted to hurt Gerard more... see how much pain could be squeezed out of him in this moment. But that part Bert silenced. He wouldn't give in to that sickness. He felt guilt but that guilt he didn't want to feel so he was trying to turn it into more anger instead.

Gerard just kept weeping, sniffing and trying to speak, "Why are you fucking like this? Why is it so easy for you to say whatever the fuck you want to me or about me but if I say one thing, then I'm the bitch who ruined your life?" Hitching and struggling to talk through the tears. "I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. You exhaust me, Bert."

Bert despises every word leaving Gerard's mouth. It terrifies him but also, it's like he can't help himself, he can't deescalate, "That's rich." scoffing at Gerard.

"What?" Gerard doesnt even look up this time. He just sits there, holding his head and looking into his lap.

"Now that you're on tour and having fun with your 'brothers'... now you're tired of me?"

Okay time to look up, "That's not..." He can barely believe Bert right now.

"What about the last 6-7 years? Huh? When I was taking care of you? Helping you? If it wasn't for me, Gerard, would you even fucking be here right now?"

"That! That right there. That's what I'm fucking tired of, Bert. You taking credit for me. You thinking shit like you're the only motherfucker on the planet who could love me and take care of me. You making me feel like all my self-worth comes from you."

"What?" Bert's brow rises all the way up. He's been confronted with something real. Something he's never been confronted about before, even though it's his oldest trick. He may not even be fully aware that he does this but now that it's in his face, a strange feeling comes over him. The spotlight.

Gerard sounds exhausted, "You do it on purpose, Bert." the man knows this. Slowly watching it unravel around his husband with every new best friend Bert made and then somehow turned into the enemy. He's witnessed the pattern of manipulation that Bert weaves around himself.

And here it comes. The double down. "I treat you like a fucking Queen on purpose? I take care of you on purpose? Of the fucking house and the kids? You're goddamn right! Fuck!"

"Ugh!" He couldn't be more exasperated by Bert at this point. "That's not..."

But Bert won't stop. "That's not what, baby? What you meant? It's never what you fuckin mean." Well aware that he's not the only slick fuck in the room. Gerard can't shine a light on Bert's bullshit without getting one right back. "Poor victim, baby. How did you ever survive Big Bad Bert huh? You? Perfect innocent pretty Gerard Way. Pure as snow." with a menacing chuckle. These two men know each other's bullshit far too well. "You know why I do all that shit? Why I make sure that you know that I do that shit? Because I fucking love you. I love our family and you're never leaving me ever again." And on this he was very firm. Bert was adamant to make it known, no matter what happens in this fight or any circumstances that may arise in the future, they'd both be dead before he'd be willing to let Gerard run again.

The older man chews the inside of his cheek and swallows hard. For him that thought wasn't even a real option either. They fight a lot. Not real fights, superficial fights. The once in a blue moon it gets this bad, there's always that other fear. For couples in love, no matter how secure, fear lives there. Even if the words aren't spoken. The back of the mind knows... 'what if I say this? What if I say this and it's the thing I can't take back? What if he decides to hate me? What if he leaves? What if I just ruined us?' And it's not just with the bad words. These fear live in the good words too. When you say something too sweet, show too much vulnerability, reveal too much of yourself and your weakness for them. And that alarm goes off in your mind saying 'That's it. You lost your cool. You're nothing but a weak man to them now.' That's how you know you're still worth fighting for. When you're still terrified they walk away from you. "I don't wanna leave you, Bert." sniffling.

Bert snorts, crossing his arms over his chest and staring his husband down, "You're thinking about leaving me right now."

"Yeah" G looks up, chewing his lip and fiddling with his feet, offering up a weak shrug, "But that's normal." He places both hands down on either side of himself and straightens his arms, leaning forward. His perfect pink nose shiny at the tip and eyelashes sticking to eachother from tears, "You're thinking about killing me right now."

Bert softens his stance. Gerard was right and deserved a scoff before walking up to the man on the sofa. Bert ran his fingers through his husband's hair, "I'd be so famous."

Another scoff, but this time from the older man, "You're already famous." Rubbing his nose against Bert's belly. Half for the touch and half cause his nose was runny from the emotions and he needes to wipe it against something. Bert's shirt being right there helped.

And Bert then held G's head to his tummy, replying, "Infamous."