.because you stop the noise

01July20 - Feldman Must Die

11:45pm - Almost four months into lockdown

Bert caught himself smiling for no reason in particular. He had these moments with himself more these days than he ever had before. There was a clarity that he felt he had earned with maturity and the healthy lifestyle he'd adopted (We don't have to talk about the ego that grew right alongside all of that too). But it wasn't himself he was smiling about this time, as he locked up the double sliding doors after coming in from his pre-bedtime routine of sitting outside under the tree he had decorated with fairy lights when they first moved in, as his husband usually sat pretending not to purposefully catch the secondhand smoke and high from Bert's blunt.

Gerard always heads inside first to change into one of his many kimono style nightgowns that Bert had bought him knowing how much Gerard loves Japan. He was probably up there right now in their bedroom sniffing at each one to find the one that smelt the least like it needed a desperate wash.

Bert was a little buzzed but he credited that to this brilliant strain of weed John got for him. He had to remember to thank the guy tomorrow. But right now he just let out a very relaxing sigh and made sure all the necessary lights were switched off.

.......................

I realise some of you might not understand why Bandit doesn't exist but Cleo and Minerva do, so let me explain: Gerard and Lindsey never had Bandit. And since it was Lindsey who named her, I can't use her name here. However, Bert named his two children, therefore even the kids he has with Gerard would have those same names even though they aren't the same kids at all. Cleopatra is biologically Bert's but Minerva is biologically Gerard's. Their oldest daughter Mikaela was adopted at the age of four and already had a name that both Bert and Gerard approved of. She is now what Bandit's age would've been though.

......................

Bert always stopped off into Mikaela, Cleo and Minerva's rooms first. It was one of his favorite times of the day to see them sleeping peacefully. Mikaela being adopted had her own way about her but strangly enough she still somehow looked like Bert's younger sister Ashley when she slept. Always with only one foot sticking out from under the covers. Gerard always accused Cleo of sleeping exactly like her biological father, mouth closed and angelic with her feather-light blonde hair. It was the cause of a lot of envy for Minni, as she was rather the product of Gerard's biology and therefore always had her mouth slightly open because of her damn sinuses, but Bert thought she looked like a whirlwind with her thick dark hair covering pixie-like features. He closed each one's doors each night feeling like his fucking heart would explode out of his chest.

Gerard however, while he would kill for their children and always put their wellbeing first, he's an awkward father, never quite comfortable and never quite sure of himself in the role. It didn't come to him as easily as it did for Bert because Gerard can't connect to his inner childlike self the way Bert can... as well as the patience, confidence and drive Bert has to teach the kids and be on the ground with them, metaphorically and physically sometimes. But that's why as parents they balance each other out. Gerard's the 'Drive them to Daycare and School' type dad. The 'Have fun. Cleo, please try and not sass your teacher today. Your outfits look so cool. I love you guys.' type. Bert's the 'Pick them up from Daycare and School' type dad. The 'What did you do today? I'm totally ready for all your incoherent questions and waaaaay too much detail in your stories.' type and Gerard couldn't be more grateful. Together they made quite the team. Bert was out to be the best goddamn father in the world. He had also already convinced himself that Miles, Cherry and Lily would've also been better off under his roof than the Ieros'. Okay maybe just the twins. Miles looks a bit too much like his father.