.because you stop the noise

23Mar18 - Bloom

Mild. Mild still weather and Gerard found it irritating. Irritating because it in no way matched the panic he felt on the inside. He was on his second box of smokes since they arrived at the hospital. Of course he was the one freaking out. How could it be any other way?

The nurses who had occupied the bench had finally left and Gerard could stop pacing for a second and take a seat. Not that it was any rest on his knees since they insisted on hoping with anxiety. Gerard leans forward, trying his best to keep still but it doesn't work. Why was this taking so long? It didn't take this long the first time. He gets up again, thinking maybe he should go check but two steps later and he's already backtracking to sit back down. If he walked in there now all he would end up doing is belittling some poor nurse who probably didn't even know a damn thing.

"First one?" a voice came from next to him on the bench.

Gerard lifted his head from where he had it hid in his hands and sniffed hard. He hadn't even noticed that someone came to sit next to him, "Sorry what?" he asked the man, who looked far more calm than Gerard did. Perfectly suburban, clean cut man, spectacularly average.

"First kid?" He chuckled a bit, very amused by Gerard's anxiety.

Gerard let out a nervous chuckle and leaned back, twiddling his fingers. "Technically yeah. But also... not really."

The man looked confused hut shrugged it off casually, "O-kay."

Gerard realized how weird it must sound and he didn't really want to tell this stranger his life story but perhaps some kind of explanation would help. "One adopted, one..." he pauses to take a breath, "... one wasn't my juice but it was kind'a the plan so..."

The man took pause, trying to understand Gerard but not quite putting the right pieces together. "Progressive family huh? So how come you're leaving the wife in there alone?" he lit a cigarette and sat back. "Squeamish?"

Gerard snorts, pulling another cigarette from his box and lighting it. "Something like that." Strangly enough, conversation was distracting. His legs stopped shaking at least. "I nearly passed out the last time. I got a stupid habit of holding my breath waiting for things to finish."

That made the man's eyebrows shoot up as he nearly choked on his drag, "Literally?"

Gerard nodded, "Literally." and chuckles a bit. "Took a long time for me to train myself not to do it while I take a leak."

"Oh man." The man started laughing. "Sorry that's just... wow." he reaches his hand out, "Mark." cigarette dangling from the side of his mouth.

"Gerard." shaking Mark's hand with a smile out the side of his mouth. "So how'd you know I was losing my shit over here over a baby?"

Mark sat back, chuckling, "We're outside the maternity ward."

Gerard looked up at the building, "Fuck, of course." Chuckling at himself. "So that's why you're here too then?" He asks not wanting to come off as dismissive when Mark showed interest in his reasons for being there.

"Not really. I'm a pastor. Parents requested some prayers for their baby. Premature."

Gerard went quiet. That was... not the answer he was expecting and suddenly he was feeling uncomfortable. A fucking pastor. Goddamnit. And to hear about a baby in trouble. Nothing about this situation felt okay. "Will uhm... will the baby be okay?"

Mark was still, sizing up Gerard's obvious tension. "Don't worry." He offered a warm smile. "The doctors in there know exactly what they're doing. I'm just here cause prayer can't hurt."

"I've seen prayer hurt." the words were out of Gerard's mouth before he had any control over them. Visions of his psychotic mother trying to pray the gay away before Gerard even knew the words to express his sexuality let alone act on it.