A love reborn from the ashes.

5 - From the dream to reality

Can

I couldn't move, the boat was swaying slowly, my vision was blurry at times because I couldn't even blink for fear that she would disappear.

It wasn't possible, it couldn't be her, how had she ended up down here, so far from her mahalle, her neighborhood? It had to be a hallucination again, it couldn't be otherwise. To prove it, I moved slowly, keeping my gaze fixed on that solitary figure and I took my eyes off her just for a moment, reaching for the glove compartment to grab the telescope I always kept there ready to observe the flight of birds.

I hurried to look through the lens at the small pier and my heart skipped a beat.
It was HER! How could fate have brought me straight from Sanem at the very moment the hull of my boat touched the waters of the Bosphorus?
It was incredible.

I took all the time in the world to look at her calmly, she had become even more beautiful, her hair had grown, she kept it loose and in that moment it was naturally moved by the breeze coming from the sea. How I had missed her! My heart was doing crazy somersaults in my chest while my ravenous gaze fed on every detail of her tanned face thanks to the amount of time she obviously spent outdoors.
How could I love her even more by seeing her again?

It wasn't possible.

I looked at her serious, quiet, almost resigned expression.
Where was her omnipresent smile?
Where were those eyes always alight with curiosity and joie de vivre? Had I turned them off?
My heart prayed to Allah that this was not the case. I could not think that I had hurt my little erkenci kuş. I hoped that she had forgotten me and continued to face life in that unique way that had made me fall in love with her.
I looked at her with all the love in my heart trying to convey to her with my gaze my need to hold her tightly in my arms never to let her go again.

I saw her almost flinch and hug herself, rubbing her arms as if she had suddenly had a chill. One last glance toward where the sun had disappeared behind the hills and quietly I saw her walking back toward the small red cottage behind her.
Was she living there?
With whom?

She entered the house and a light came on at a window. My heart would not stop beating fast in my throat.
Night was falling and I felt a strange sense of peace after a whole year of feeling lost and half-hearted. I watched that light go on for hours until the light from that window went out and a fainter one came on in another part of the house. The silent swaying of the boat, that faint light behind the lace curtains of a small cottage in the middle of nature became a lost paradise for me. Soon that light went out and the light rustling of the sails moved by the wind and the moonlight illuminated that small red building that contained my whole world.

I couldn't sleep a wink until the first light of the morning, I couldn't believe that I had found her and the curiosity to know what she was doing there devoured my soul. I was terrified that at any moment a man would walk out of that door. I leaned my head against the mast when the first rays of sunlight appeared on the horizon behind the small cottage that had become a fairy-tale place for me. My eyes slowly closed as a slight smile spread across my sunburned face, stiffened by months of expressionlessness.

I awoke suddenly as the sun, now high, began to burn over my head. My first thought was of her, I remembered the events of the day before and immediately pointed my telescope towards the small cottage. Everything was unchanged, but at that very moment I saw a girl with a stroller arrive. Sanem appeared at the door smiling and, after exchanging a few words with the visitor, greeted her as she left and, taking the baby from the baby carriage, carried him into the house. Evidently she was working as a baby sitter.

While I waited for her to appear again I made myself comfortable and began to observe the surroundings. There was another small cottage right after Sanem's, with a dock a little wider than hrer own where a small fishing boat was moored. While I was observing it, I noticed that there was an old man on board who was observing me at that very moment. I moved uneasily, I didn't want to attract attention, I didn't think Sanem could see me but I also didn't want to look like a stalker in the eyes of the neighbors.

I pretended to be busy with the boat and went below deck trying to be inconspicuous as little as possible. From the small porthole, located next to my bunk, I kept checking the cottage with my heart beating with happiness at the idea of seeing her leave soon.