A love reborn from the ashes.

52 - So many mistakes

Huma

It was a sad and lonely Sunday afternoon like all the others, like all the days of my life actually. I didn't understand why I was still in Istanbul when, it was clear, no one wanted to have anything to do with me anymore, neither my old friends nor my family.

Only Emre agreed to see me from time to time, but it was clear that he was torn between his duties as a son and the realization that I had made a void around me with my behavior and, apparently, there was no way to fix it.

I had turned on the TV while listlessly flipping through a magazine when a name caught my instant attention. Sanem Aydin? Had I heard it right? I took the remote control to turn up the volume and was stunned, there was Sanem standing up from a seat in the front row and letting Can's hand go to .....? I couldn't believe what I was seeing at that moment, Can was seen holding  a beautiful baby in his arms.

I shook my head in disbelief, I couldn't think rationally, to complicate things even more was a shot of Sanem coming on stage, accompanied by enthusiastic applause from a well-fed audience, you could clearly see her rounded abdomen. Was she pregnant? I brought my hands to my mouth wide-eyed, she could only be expecting Can's child and ... that child ... how old could it be a year and a half? Oh Allah, it had to be Can's child for sure, Sanem must have been pregnant when Can left.
I moved my hands from my mouth to cover my eyes listening to the words Sanem was saying at that moment.

"The Phoenix was reborn, it's true, but she was reborn thanks to the unconditional love she received from the man of her life, from her albatross who had left, she had feared she had lost him forever, but he had come back for her and for their love".

He was talking about Can, he had come back to her probably only finding out at that moment that he had a son. I couldn't believe it, how much harm had I done to my son? How could I blame him if he wanted nothing more to do with me.

Apparently they were the confirmation that nothing can destroy love: Can had returned to his Sanem. Now they were expecting another child, they must have gotten married, I had become a grandmother and soon I would be again, but I would never see my grandchildren, it couldn't be any other way.

While all these thoughts crowded my mind Sanem had finished speaking and a roaring applause welcomed the conclusion of his speech. The cameras framed the audience and in the first rows I recognized the Aydin couple definitely excited, Layla, Emre, Deren, Cey Cey, Metin, Aziz and .... my heart lost a beat.

Aziz had his arm around the shoulders of a smiling Mihriban. Mihriban? How had she made it back into Aziz's arms?

My shoulders hunched in surrender and defeat, so they had found each other again, even in their case true love had prevailed over everything, even over years and years of distance.
At this point, Aziz must have discovered the truth about my intrigues, about my role in Mihriban's sudden departure. If he had already said he didn't want to see me again, now it was clear that it was better not to cross his path; I would have been sincerely ashamed if I had run into him even by accident.
I had made huge mistakes in my life, I had been petty and selfish, I had paid the consequences, I really loved Aziz but forcing him into that farce of a marriage had not made him fall in love with me, I was aware that in his heart there had always been only Mihriban.

I wanted to make him suffer and I had succeeded, but I had also succeeded in making my children suffer greatly.
Little Can missed his mother, Aziz once told me, and the only thing I thought about was that I was glad Aziz was suffering. I hadn't thought at all about my son, my children, because Emre also missed his father figure enormously, everything was focused on me, on my revenge and my satisfaction.

The jab was over, I looked down at my hands clasped in my lap and sighed as I stood up. It was time to pack my bags, it was useless to stay in Istanbul, there was nothing and no one here for me anymore, I had made scorched earth around myself, I had hurt everyone and I was alone. There was no more room to ask for forgiveness anymore, it was better for me to leave forever.