A love reborn from the ashes.

11 - Anne?

Can

Time seemed to stop suddenly, the young woman looked questioningly at Sanem who, in turn, shifted his between me and the little one in the baby carriage.
I, after alternately looking at the girl and Sanem, had stopped my scowl at the child.

My mind couldn't rationalize the situation.

Anne? Mom?

Had the girl turned to Sanem and called her mom? A multitude of thoughts crowded into my mind, I couldn't reason in that moment, until the cold, rational part of me managed to take control.

That baby looked to be 4/5 months old, 9 months early....

I couldn't believe it, my heart didn't do a leap in my chest, it literally did a triple carpal somersault and then dove down my emotionally closed throat.

The night at the cabin, the night when I had decided not to leave for the Balkans with Polen and Sanem had decided not to go to Izmir with Yigit.
It had been an unforgettable night, our first night together.
I knew that Sanem had grown up in a family with strong traditional principles and I had never pushed her towards anything that was inconceivable to her outside the sacred bond of marriage.
That night, however, our souls, which had almost resigned themselves to the idea of having to live a half-life in the absence of the other, rejoiced with joy.
That night it was natural also for Sanem to let herself go in the absolute certainty of our love. Everything had happened very naturally, it had been wonderful, as I imagined it would have been, I had been careful to protect her because I would never have wanted any problems even if in a short time, it was clear by now, we would be married.

I began to shake my head, I couldn't believe it, could it have happened that night?
No, stop Can,  it COULD have happened that night, there was no doubt about it.

Seeing me shake my head I saw her hurt look on me, clenching her fists tightly on the fabric of her multicolored skirt, looking down at the ground and then bringing her shoulders back, taking a deep breath and running to the little one in the baby carriage, then, without saying anything or turning towards me, she took him in her arms and entered the house followed by the girl.

I stood there dumbfounded, unable to move while coherent thoughts began to form in my head - Sanem is a mother, we have a child, I am a father -
Tears of joy and disbelief began to fall silently.
A child, my child, Sanem and I had a child.
How could I not have known?
Of course, who and how could they tell me if I had cut off all contact with the world for a year.

The discomfort of that thought brought me to my knees, my head falling forward in despair at the realization that not only had I abandoned the love of my life, but I had left her in a terrible situation.

How had my erkenci kuş coped with her parents, the neighborhood?
Knowing her family's attachment to traditions, I couldn't imagine how she had been able to deal with this completely on her own.

My already torn heart ended up being shattered into even more infinitesimal pieces, how had I been able to disrupt that woman's life so radically and then walk away without looking back?

The anguish and torment had become unbearable, the twelve months of loneliness and regret were nothing compared to what Sanem had experienced.

But the question at this point was only one and the thought of the answer made my hands shake.

How could he ever forgive me?