A love reborn from the ashes.

22 - How to resist he?

Sanem

Ah Sanem Ah, how will you be able to resist him?

You've never been able to, how are you going to do it now that with that pirate air and tanned face he's even more fascinating than ever?

One morning, going out on the porch with Nihat in my arms, I was relaxing looking at the spectacular view of the Bosphorus as usual when, out of the corner of my eye, I perceived a movement, I turned to look and .... nothing but a view.

There he was, shirtless on the roof of Yusuf's cottage with his beautiful albatross tattoo in view and his muscles darting as he stared at the tiles with a hammer blow.

Ah Sanem don't stare! I passed my hand in front of my face several times in order to awaken from that spell, when I saw him raise his head and look towards me. Allah Allah, he had seen me, I hurried back dying of embarrassment, Ah Sanem, ah!

At a certain point the little thoughts had begun: flowers, books and then, a blow to the heart, my bandana, THAT BANDANA, which I had found early in the morning tied to the balustrade of the porch.

I couldn't believe my eyes, had she kept it with her all this time? It looked worn, as if it had been held in his hand for a long time, and I suddenly sniffed it, it smelled so much like him. How was that possible? How could a man who had turned his back on you overnight have kept with such care an object that had represented so much for your love story?

I couldn't explain it to myself, I couldn't explain it to my heart that wanted to believe that there was still something to hope for, while my rational mind tried to bring him back with his feet on the ground because it was useless to delude oneself: soon he would be gone again.

As the days went by his silent and reassuring figure had become a constant in our days. Seeing him bustling around my cottage for small repairs or mowing the grass so I could sit on the shore with the little one made me fear getting too used to his presence.

It had been my father's birthday, that day I truly missed him greatly. I had called him to wish  a happy birthday and his nostalgic voice asking me when I would come back to visit had devastated me. Coming home with groceries I was definitely in a bad mood at the thought of not being able to be near my dear babacim.
Seeing him come towards me to help me had made my nerves jump, I had taken out all my sadness and frustration on him.

I had regretted it immediately and had done nothing but wear myself out with remorse all evening, I hadn't even gone down to the dock in shame. I thought the whole night about how to apologize and finally in the morning I decided to bring him some baklava, just to try to ease his mind.

How satisfying to see his astonished face once he had tasted the first bite of cake, well done Sanem, make him understand that you are no longer the silly girl from the neighborhood, that you have grown and matured and that you can achieve any goal you set for yourself, even cooking!

The early afternoon had become my favorite part of the day, Can would join me and little Nihat on the blanket in the shade of the big willow tree.
It was a moment of absolute peace, we had signed an unspoken armistice so those hours were sacred, they were the life we had dreamed of and hadn't had, they were joy, warmth and family.

Can was becoming more and more familiar with the little one, I could see that he felt more and more comfortable around his son, he touched him with tender care, he cuddled him, he pampered him and looked at him with infinite love.
I could see it clearly in his eyes and in his every gesture, he was a wonderful and attentive father. I could tell he was genuinely interested in every aspect of the child's life and eager to learn how to care for him.
It had been a hoot to see his huge hands grappling with creams and diapers.

Ah Sanem ah, how will you be able to resist this sweet and sensitive aspect of the man you already love desperately and who, don't deny it, you know you will love forever?

He had said he had come back for me and would never leave, he had said this before he knew of our son's existence. Could I believe him? Could I believe him after he had promised me that he would always hold my hand and never let go and then turn his back on me without any hesitation?
When he had asked me to marry him on his birthday he had said that I was his life, his other half, yet he had abandoned me for an entire year.

Would the time come again when the restless albatross in him would urge him to leave again?

Ah Sanem, ah!

Have all the doubts you want but answer this question: how will you be able to resist him?