A love reborn from the ashes.

16 - Coming to terms with the future

Sanem

Little Nihat had finally fallen asleep and for me it was time for my ritual sunset walk on the pier.
I could walk out quietly, I had seen through the window Can take Yusuf's car and drive off.

With my hands in my pockets and a heavy heart I set out for the small pier in the light of the dying sun as I had done every evening since I had moved to this corner of paradise.
Today my mind was struggling to find peace, not even the crisp air and the wonderful serenity of this place could calm my mind in turmoil.

I had been hard on him.  I was no longer the sweet naive Sanem who, trusting and open to the whole world, had placed her heart in the hands of the man she believed would take care of it for the rest of her life.
That Sanem no longer existed, it was the shell she had learned to mistrust and who opened her soul only to that puppy who slept unaware in his crib at home.

There were only the two of them now, or rather no, Yusuf, Denise and Mirhiban had become part of this second life as if a providential hand had placed them near a lost Sanem.

Yusuf had been unconditionally close to her, trying not to let her lack anything, in the months of her pregnancy, anticipating her every wish and desire, he had fallen hopelessly in love with little Nihat and for him, she was sure, he would have given his life.
Why had he welcomed Can so easily? He was a lonely and grumpy old man, Sanem had realized the uniqueness of the relationship that bound him to her, it was not easy for him to trust others, but he seemed to have welcomed Can with open arms.

Denise and Mirhiban were two exceptional women, he had met them in the library of a nearby neighborhood only to discover that Mirihiban lived in the cottage next to her, on the other side of Yusuf, and Denise not far away.
From the beginning there was a unique feeling between them and once they discovered her condition they helped her in every way.
The two of them were in the room with her when the midwife, after the last powerful push, had delivered the baby Nihat, since then they had been their guardian angels,

Denise helped her in every way she could with the baby so she could rest and work on her new book while Mirihban shamelessly spoiled them both with millions of little attentions, she missed him so much!
She had left with a friend of hers for a trip to Cuba and would return the following Friday.

Thanks to these wonderful people Sanem had managed to overcome the hardest moment of her life, for the first time she had found herself living alone, far from her family, her neighborhood, her friends from the agency.
She had cut off all contact with everyone, saying that she had moved out of Istanbul and was so busy with work that she only had time for the occasional evasive phone call.
How much she missed everyone!

Sighing, her thoughts returned to Can, to her conflicting feelings towards him that were there and tearing her in two.
On the one hand, that unconditional love that hadn't died even after the fatal blow his departure had given to her heart, on the other hand, the disappointment and resentment for his abandonment.
How could he turn his back on her like that, after she had given herself to him with the extreme confidence that she had found the man who would protect her during the storms for the rest of her life?
How could she open her heart to him again when she was certain that at some point he would feel the need to walk away again?

Still sighing, she cast one last glance at the sky of a thousand colors that the sunset had given to the eternal Istanbul.

What does tomorrow hold in store for her? She could not know, she could only wait to experience it.