A love reborn from the ashes.

30 - Babam

Can

I can't say that I was discouraged after the less than idyllic epilogue of our romantic dinner, let's just say that I had hoped for something better. She was evidently not ready to take my words into consideration, she still didn't trust me.

We resumed our routine now established, I reached under the willow to spend time with the small and the evening to watch the stars, all in all we managed to regain that relationship made of relaxing silences.

One evening I invited my father to dinner on the boat, I really needed to spend some time alone with him. He was very impressed by the place where I had moored, when he arrived he met Yusuf who led the way to the boat. As I climbed on deck, I saw them arrive on the dock and they were already chatting like old friends.

I had set the table outdoors and my father told me about his stay in Cuba, how that island had stolen his heart and the people had won him over immediately. He had experienced some difficult moments during his treatment, but luckily he had had old friends around him who had moved there to live for several years.

My turn to tell, he had seen Sanem only once in the agency, on the day of the 40th anniversary of Fikri Harika, the day before his departure.
I told him everything: our dreamy meeting, my search for that mysterious girl, her foray into the house and her scent that allowed me to recognize her.
Then came the part about Emre's sutterfuge, Aylin's intrigues, the problems with my license, Sanem's constant running away, the truth and the breakup. And then back to love, mom's intrigues, Polen, Fabri, prison, and selling the perfume.
I was ashamed of myself when I told him about my violent reaction, my calling her the other one, she who had stubbornly followed me in my escape out of town, my decision to leave for the Balkans, her accident, Yigit, her leaving the agency to go work at the publishing house, the torments of that period when I was jealous of Yigit and she of Polen.
The kidnapping to the mountain cabin, the heartbreak of her departure for Izmir and mine for the Balkans, our being unable to leave each other. The marriage proposal and all the problems created by our mothers, the intrigues of Huma and Yigit until the breakup because of the burnt diary and my departure for a year.

I struggled to find the words to express all the suffering I felt during that year away, in retrospect I can't explain what dark force prevented me from going back to her when I immediately realized I was wrong. Why? Why hadn't I come back after a day, a week, a month? Why had I let a whole year pass in an immense nothingness made only of nightmares and anguish?

And then the return, the incredible coincidence of seeing her by chance on that pier, the fear of finding her tied to another man but also the inability to leave. What lucky star had allowed me to find her? It couldn't be a coincidence.

The moment of truth had arrived, that was the revelation that excited me the most, until now they had known or only Emre, Metin and Akif, but telling my father was something else entirely.

- Babam, dad, there's more - He looked at me worried by the seriousness of my expression.

- I decided right away, as soon as I realized there was no other man in her life, to win her back at all costs, I knew I still loved her immensely and seeing her again made me realize that she is the other half of me without whom I am not complete.
I asked her forgiveness for abandoning her and confessed all my love.
But I didn't know that I had done her all the harm I could by leaving her-

My voice was broken and I had tears in my eyes. My father put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me while looking at me questioningly.

- Babam, Sanem gave me a son while I was away. I am the father of a beautiful child -

Old Aziz was speechless and then... he did nothing but hug me, hug me tightly to congratulate me but also to ease my pain, my guilt for what I had done to the woman I loved. I needed his comfort, his support, in him I knew I could find the wise father and trusted friend to whom you can reveal my darkest torments.
He held me like this, in his arms until he felt the tension leave me, then came the moment of joy, we loosened the embrace to look into each other's eyes.

- You're father, I can't believe it, I'm a grandfather! I was waiting for Emre to give me this news at any moment, I never imagined that you would be the first to give it to me.
I'm happy for you Can, I know you'll be a wonderful father.

- He's so beautiful daddy, a perfect little being born from a great love, I love him so much, I could never have imagined fatherhood to be such a hurricane of emotions: pride, fear, love, strength and weakness. I feel like I'm on a cloud, I wouldn't stop looking at him if I could, to caress him every moment, to hold him in my arms never to let him go again, that toothless smile is capable of making me fall on my knees with emotion. But can I tell you something? I feel exactly the same feelings for Sanem, I can't stay away from her, I want to touch her, hold her tight and.... Babam,  that smile, those dimples, what those dimples do to me.

She doesn't trust me anymore daddy, I hurt her so much. For fear of the shame her parents would feel when faced with her pregnancy she has cut ties with everyone, family and friends, no one knows about the baby not even Layla.

Can you imagine? She went through all of this alone, BY HERSELF!

Sometimes I think, how can I blame her, how can she trust me again? Love me? I couldn't imagine that she was pregnant when I left dad otherwise I would have never, ever left her. But despite everything I don't want to give up, I want my Sanem back, I have to teach her to trust me again, I have to prove to her that she can.
Only Allah knows how much that girl needs someone close by to support her after all she's been through completely alone. I want to spoil her for the rest of her life, I want to love her shamefully, without restraint -

Aziz listened to me absorbed, put his hand on mine.

- Bak oğlum, look son, no one can understand better than me how you feel. But unlike you, I haven't found the strength to fight. I lost the woman of my life.

Can looked at me questioningly, he did not understand.

- The mother?

- No Can, there was a woman before her. I loved her with all my heart and soul but when some misunderstandings came between us I didn't have the strength and determination to fight for her, for our love. My pride and recklessness drove me away from her and I regretted it for the rest of my life.

It's been 32 years, not that I keep track of course, yet every day I have a thought of regret for what could have been and wasn't.

I married your mother knowing I loved someone else and our marriage was destined to end even before we were married.

Please don't make the same mistake I did, don't let circumstances make you incomplete for life. I always feel like something is missing, an essential piece of my heart, I feel lonely even if I am among a hundred people.

Fight for your love Can, fight for her please -

We embraced again finding in each other's arms the comfort our souls needed. It was a unique moment that we would remember forever.

We talked some more about my plans for approaching Sanem and the next steps I needed to take to regain his trust. I had a few ideas in mind.

It was getting late, we got off the boat, and while continuing to chat I walked him to his car on the road. As we neared the border of Sanem's property we saw the door of his cottage open and the silence of the night was broken by the crystal clear laughter of three women. We stopped in curiosity.

They were coming towards us on their way to the road, not having seen us due to the darkness of that dimly lit spot. It was only when they came alongside us that they noticed us and we were all dumbfounded when two voices in unison said

- Mihriban?

- Aziz?