Unforgotten [Baguio Series #5]

31

31:

The wind was cold but it didn't bother me even though I'm only wearing a pyjama and a spaghetti strap top.

"That ex of mine," I started in the middle of my sobs. "He courted me for a year, like you. Isang taon siyang nanligaw sa akin noon at noong sinagot ko, akala ko rin siya na. But he was touchy and . . . he's just too mature for me. He's not asking for something but his actions speaks that he wanted something more than the kisses I'm giving him."

I wiped my tears with the back of my palm.

"And then weeks before my graduation in senior high school, he asked me to go to Baguio. Pumayag ako kasi sabi ko sa kan'ya no'n, kapag 18 na ako, sasama na ako sa kan'ya kahit saan. Tumakas ako—niloko ko si Mama at Papa para sa kan'ya. I told them that I'll be going to an educational field trip but the truth is I'm going to Baguio with him.

"And then he asked me that he wanted us to have sex . . . kasi mahigit isang taon na kaming magkarelasiyon. He told me that I deprived him of his needs . . . and I felt guilty because I know I did. So we did it . . . and he told me he want another round so we did it again. He wanted to do it again but I'm too tired and he said we'll do it again by morning, so I said yes."

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko nang mahigpit nang maalala ang gabing 'yon. He wanted us to do it for few more times that night . . . para siyang nagmamadali. Kaya naman pala gano'n . . . may ipinalit na siya sa akin.

"And by morning, we did it again . . . and again . . . before we went out to visit the tourist spots in Baguio. And what did I get? A proof that he has been cheating for six months already while in a relationship with me. The woman called him love. Hindi 'yon ang tawagan namin—hindi 'yon!"

I cried more as I remembered how betrayed I was that day.

"I made him choose . . . and he chose her immediately. He told me that I am a boring girl. Na nagtiis lang siya sa akin. He left me in Baguio with memories that will haunt me forever. He left me with unforgotten nightmares that day. Iniwan niya ako sa Baguio—hindi pa bayad ang hotel accommodation. Ako pa ang nagbayad. Nag-commute pa ako pauwi."

He sighed. "Katrina . . . stop it."

I glared at him. "No! You want to know more about my naked truths? I am giving it to you now. Nang makapag-isip isip ka rin kung dapat mo pa ba akong mahalin kasi hindi ko talaga makita kung bakit ako ang mahal mo . . . bakit gan'yan mo ako kamahal, eh ganito lang naman ako."

Hw shook his head. "Kahit na anong sabihin mo, hindi magbabago 'yung pagmamahal ko, Katrina. Ano ba? Sa tingin mo ba minahal kita nang dahil d'yan?" He sighed.

I looked away. "Hindi pa ako tapos. Makinig ka sa lahat ng sasabihin ko," I said in the middle of my sobs. I looked at him straight in the eye. "Mama told me that nobody will love me wholeheartedly when he found out that Jeremy took my virginity. She asked me to beg—and so I did! Back in the days when I was there in front of your university, begging for someone to come back to me—habang siya, ang saya-saya kasama ng bago niya—ng ipinalit niya."

I wiped my tears harshly again as I continued staring at him.

"And you know what he said? You know what he whispered to my ears that the video didn't hear? He told me the same thing that Mama said. He told me that nobody will love me anymore because he got it first—that fucking virginity that matters to everyone else here! Kinuha niya 'yon na parang premyo lang!"

Napahagulgol ako nang maalala lahat ng sakit ngayong pinagtagpi-tagpi ko na lahat . . . lahat ng mga narinig ko't natanggap, inipon ko 'yon at kahit kailan, hindi kinalimutan.