Warnings: Not happy reader, sad memories, depression, mentions of abuse and scars, PTSD, the TINNIEST bit of suicidal ideation.
Prompt: Character and reader spending their first Christmas together.
A/n: So I know this is a Christmas prompt, and I am so sorry . It is a pretty sad story. I had to sensor a few things because I was scared my step family was going to see this so let's just say it wasn't the aunt...
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"It's the most wonderful time, of the year."
"Most wonderful time of the year my ass." You said as you turned off the radio in your car. Christmas was not your favorite holiday. It didn't even make the list. Well, think about it: Santa Clause. I'm sorry, who? I didn't learn about this famous man in school, and he knows when you're awake? Creepy! You would rather not have someone break and enter into your house. To be honest, you just didn't want to get hurt like every other Christmas before this one. Broken ornaments and fallen Christmas trees fill your memory. One year in particular stands out the most. It was the first day your aunt put her hands on you.
You didn't have anything to defend yourself with. She had the upper hand with everything. She fired the first ornament. It broke just above your head and you ducked. Every step you backed up, the devil in the flesh creeped closer. Every step she took, you stepped back one. You saw what was in her hand. The star to the Christmas tree. Your eyes widened as you ran to the nearest bedroom and slammed the door before she threw the star, planting it right in the center of the wood.
You pulled up to the compound, and grabbed your backpack from the trunk. You walked through the doors and saw the giant tree Tony insists the compound puts up every year. You rolled your eyes as you walked into the elevator. You pushed the button to the 26th floor, and leaned against the back wall. The elevator stopped every so often to pick people up and drop them off. The 26th floor was the living quarters. Only Avengers were allowed up there. So you were happy when the elevator dinged at your floor.
But the happiness drained when you saw all of the decorations lining the walls, the loft, the ceiling. Dropping your bag by the door, you slowly walked into the room talking in all of the tinsel, the lights, the glitter. Something caught your eye. Turning towards the bright light in the edge of your peripherals, a beautifully lit tree was perched in the corner of the large living room. The lights ranged from small white lights, to small rainbow lights, to individually lit electric candles. Your eyes stung of tears that were threatening to fall. This time, it is not for the sight of the tree, but the memories it holds.
Subconsciously, you heard the sound of the door opening and closing, but didn't pay much attention to it. Someone walked passed behind you, but stopped. "You ok there doll?" You jumped at the sound of his deep voice. Bucky. Slowly turning around, you look up to see none other than Bucky. You were new to the compound, so both of you did not know each other very well. "Y-ya. Ya i'm fine." You said through a fake smile. He didn't seem convinced. And he had the right to not be. You weren't fine.
Out of nowhere, Tony came in. He was holding something behind his back and he looked suspicious. You looked at him in question. You looked down, and saw he had his rocket boots on. That raised the question even higher! (No pun intended) The sound of the rocket boots whirred to life, and Tony was hovering above Bucky and you. He took out the one thing that you hate most about Christmas: Mistletoe.
Bucky looked down at you and smirked. Looking up with a scowl on your face, you jumped up as high as you could and grabbed the mistletoe from Tony's hand and gently put it in Buckys hand. "I would rather not do anything with Christmas this year. If you need me, I'll be catching up with work." Tony and Bucky looked over at eachother, then back at you. "What? Can't a girl voice her opinions on holidays?" You grabbed your back pack, and went to your room.
When you walked through the door to your bedroom, you let yourself fall onto your bed with a *phwoop.* Your bedroom door opened, and Bucky came in with the magical plant in his hands. The bed dipped where he sat down and he placed a soft kiss on your cheek. Your cheeks were already red from the cold outside, so the blush on your cheeks was hidden. Bucky laid back on your bed next to you and said "You alright? And don't say you're fine because I know for a fact you are not fine." Sighing, you roll over towards him. "Do you ever have such bad memories about a certain moment in time that you just wish you could jump over it entirely? Or end yourself before it even happens?" Bucky rolled onto his left side to face you. "Doll, is everything ok? I know you are fairly new to the compound, and I did just give you a kiss on the cheek, but this is our first Christmas together, and I feel like you don't wanna celebrate."
Realization struck your head. "No, no Bucky, I promise this is not because of you. I would love to spend every minute of December with you. It's just-."
"It's just what little one?" You looked up through tear filled eyes. "I don't want to get hurt." His look was full of pity but there was something else hidden in the depths of his blue eyes. Empathy. "Hurt? Please, tell me dove. What happened?" You shook your head and quietly said "It doesn't matter. I don't want to ruin your Christmas Buck. Go enjoy. I'll just stay in the background." Bucky put his flesh hand on your cheek and gently rubbed his thumb back and forth on the soft skin. "Y/n, I saw the scars. There's nothing to be afraid of. You're safe in the compound. And you're safe with me, love."
It was silent. But the only thing that was on your mind was safety. "Hold me?" Buck placed the plant behind your ear, and wrapped his arms around your trembling body. The kiss to your head brought you out of your shaking state and into a calmed, safe mindset. "Thank you Bucky." You whispered. "I'm glad to be spending this christmas with you."
