savior complex - kth

017

I remember when I met Yoongi at my first college, we were so compatible. He was similar enough to Jungkook that I got along well with him, but very much different in a way that made me like him in a more special way than I liked Jungkook. They both had tough exteriors, both seeming angry before you actually talked to them, tattoos (Yoongi had already had them all over but Jungkook had only started on his arms and hands before the accident, his whole body now pretty much covered), they both had the same sense of humor and they both were protective over me. They differed because Jungkook learned to let things go and Yoongi couldn't, Jungkook's protectiveness went to the extent of just trying to do what's best for me and Yoongi was more possessive. They even differed in physical appearing with Yoongi being more small and slim while Jungkook was always tall and muscular, Yoongi had somewhat short grey hair and Jungkook always wore his long and black, and I loved them both.

Yoongi always told me how easy it was to be with me, but how hard it was to love me. He always wondered why I accepted so much love from my family and Jungkook, but didn't want to take it from him. Maybe it just was simply I received enough love from them that I didn't have room to take in more, or maybe the love he was offering wasn't the love I needed.

The first few months of us being together it was all fun and laughter and just going on strange adventures, it was a nice slow burn. He was around my family often and Jungkook hung out with us both.

The next morning after the party when I explained everything that happened with Taehyung, Jungkook was suprised. "I mean, I figured something was happening when he walked you home and was taking you places, but I didn't know you guys were like swapping spit."

I lifted my foot up and nudged his torso with it, he was sitting across from me on the couch at our house and I had filled him in on most stuff. "Ew, don't say it like that. We aren't really."

"That's what you basically said." What I had said was I had made a move and then last night he had made the move on me. Jungkook is not so naive and he put the pieces together. "So what's the deal you guys are holding up?"

I sighed and looked at him, letting him know I was being honest. "I can't say."

"Jo-"

"Jungkook, I'm serious. I'll tell you later." I pulled the covers off the back of the couch and wrapped them around me, wanting to pull them over my head but I refrained.

"Does it have to do with him ending a party because you're trying to make me drink?"

I looked at him with my face scrunched up and then actually pulled the covers over my head. "That's so embarrassing."

"It really wasn't. I'd tell you if it was." And he would.

Jungkook made us pancakes for breakfast, which he was good at, because he's good at everything. I told him I was going to the studio to practice with Jimin soon and he told me he'd walk me, but I told him I would go by myself. I wanted to stop by the Luna Café on my way just to get coffee, but it was suffice to say that I wanted to see Taehyung. More like wanted to see how he was going to act, though I knew ahead of time. I didn't even know of he'd be there, I just got lucky that on that random day before class he was there.

I was almost there with my book bag on my back, it contained my clothes and lots of foot wrap, also a granola bar just in case I'm at the studio a long time. Before I could grab the door handle to enter, Andie walked up beside me and grabbed my arm. Her hands wrapped around my elbow and she tugged me to her. "Hey party girl."

I put my hand over my chest, letting her know she scared me. "Hey!"

I looked into the window as Andie asked me where I was going and I told her the dance studio on campus, but I was trying to find Taehyung. He wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"What's going on with you and Jimin?" Andie asked which brought me back to being attentive to this conversation.

"What?" I was genuinely confused, but I suppose from her side and me running off with Jimin at the party it may seem like there was something more. "We just do ballet together, so we have stuff in common."

She let go of my arm and pushed her bangs off of her forehead, giving me a smile with her big but straight teeth. "If that's what you want to believe."

"Where are you going?" I asked her when she pressed the button on the light at the crosswalk we were at, she was about to split from me.

She pointed ahead of her but it was just a bunch of buildings. "I'm meeting someone at the NYC Public Library, it's just a few blocks away."

It hit me then that she was probably going there to meet up with Taehyung, that was the place he loved to go and now he wasn't at work. It was almost too perfect, which just made me realize more how much of a headache having anything to do with Taehyung was going to be for me.

I told Andie I'd catch up with her later and walked on my own path that was opposite of hers, but in my head I decided that I wasn't going to have anything to do with Taehyung anymore. I felt insecure having to compare myself to girls that I knew he was hooking up with or possibly treating just like he was treating me. I had never in my life been self conscious, it just hadn't really crossed my mind that I should not like the way that I look, but I felt myself feeling it.

When I got to the studio, Jimin and Kai weren't there yet so I changed into my shoes and began to dance on my own. I put everything I was feeling into the way I was dancing, just sort of letting lose which I feel like I hadn't done since my break up with Yoongi.

When the song I was dancing to finished, I leaned down to hold myself up by my knees and trying to catch my breath. I heard a slow clap which startled me and I turned quickly to see who had been watching.

Taehyung was standing in the corner of the room near the door. He had glasses on with thin rims along with a button up jean jacket and tan pants, I could see a small paperback book coming out of his back pocket from the angle he was standing. "I'm impressed."

I turned away from him and walked to the mirror that covered the whole wall and sat on the floor near my bag, beginning to unwrap my feet so I could replace the bandages that was wrapped around it.

"What do you want?" I avoided looking at him and focused on my feet.

From the echo of his voice I could tell he was staying put across the room. "I knew you were going to be here."

I just glanced up at him then back at my feet. I know we had just kissed the night before but I was already tired, and I'm just not dumb enough to think Andie was just going to the library in the morning to just hang out. The new book in Taehyung sort of signaled this to me.

"Why are you not talking to me?" He said.

I set my shoes beside my feet and began to rub them, still not looking up at him. "I'm practicing."

"Not anymore." He pushed. I wanted to throw my shoe at him and tell him to leave me alone, not just now but for awhile.

I looked up at him to plead with him and I noticed him pull his glasses off to readjust them, they were shaking slightly and all I could think about was if he was nervous to be here or something. It doesn't really make sense why he would be nervous to see me.

My attention was pulled from his hand movements and to the door which now Kai was entering. He had a cross body bag on along with his sweatpants and a sweatshirt, he looked Taehyung up and down and then at me. I looked down at the wrap and began to put it back on. My face was red and my hair was falling out of the pony tail it was in from when I was dancing.

"This is a private area." Kai said to Taehyung.

I looked at Kai and he looked back at me with knowing eyes, or maybe he sensed the tension that was building up in the room. "I was just stopping by." Taehyung said.

"Don't do it again." Kai said then nodded at him once and moved out of the doorway to walk to where I was sitting with my things.

Taehyung made eye contact with me and then slid his hands into his pocket before exiting the room. I saw his body move slightly right outside of the doorway and then Jimin walked in, looking confused at he pointed behind him at where Taehyung had just been. "What's this about?"

"Literally nothing." I said, and really meant it.