savior complex - kth

040

"C'mon. Let's go." Jungkook said standing above me. I was laying in the bed taking a nap after eating breakfast, taking a shower, then eating lunch. I didn't feel like doing anything today, but I wasn't ignoring the world because of Taehyung alone. I just felt like shit.

After everything went down at the studio, I ditched dancing with Kai and came home. When I saw Jungkook, I instantly started crying and he asked Stella to leave. So not only did I end their cute date and Stella getting her first alone time with him post the recently incident, but I also blew my chances of getting my solo. Now I was left just wanting to fall into a black hole.

I felt him grab my arm and give it a little tug. "I said let's go, Jo. We're going on a walk."

"I don't want to." I said and let my arm go limp as he messed with it.

"I didn't ask." He said then tugged it again. "We can call Jude or something on the walk."

Jungkook and I had called Jude last night, but I didn't share everything because if I expressed how bad I felt for making Stella leave, Jungkook would have pressed that it wasn't a big deal. "I don't want to call Jude."

"Then let's just walk." He pushed again.

I finally gave in and climbed out of the bed, watching as Jungkook grabbed a sweatshirt of mine to throw my way. October in New York meant a big breeze and the sun would probably go down sooner than later.

I let out a long breath and joined his side, but it didn't last long when he quickly went down the stairs and I just walked at my own pace. He was already holding the door open when I got down there so I exited in front of him.

"Would you rather..." Jungkook started.

I stopped him. "I would rather just walk in silence."

"There's not much silence in this city." Jungkook said alluding to the fact that Manhattan always had car sounds or people talking or buildings being heavily worked on. "So would you rather....know when you die or how you die?"

"When." I said quickly.

"Why?"

I looked at him out of the side of my eye, he knew I didn't want to talk right now but he was making me. "If I knew I died in a car accident or something I'd never get in a car again."

"But if you know when you're going to dread that day."

"I'm sticking to my answer." I said, crossing my arms over my chest as I looked around at the pretty city around us. "Would you rather be able to only listen to one song for a whole year, or watch one movie?"

"Ah." He was thinking. "We do watch movies a lot."

"So pick."

"I guess one song." He finally said.

I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed. "Couldn't be me."

"I was answering for us!"

"Only you would be stuck watching one movie. Not me." I argued with him.

He smacked his teeth together. "I change my answer."

"No take backsies." I giggled at myself which made him prideful a little bit.

But as soon as he turned to me, his face was now serious. "Tell me what's really up."

"That's not a would you rather."

He reached behind my head to pull my hoodie up over my wavy hair, but I instantly pulled it off and stepped away from him. Annoyed at him like he was my kin. "This all can't be about Tae. You've never acted this way over a guy."

"I told you I ruined my chances of getting a solo." A lot of things were going on in my mind right now, and Jungkook was always the one I talked to about it all but I also knew what it was like when he thought the way I was feeling was wrong. That I had no reason to feel that way. "I guess I just miss my family, I miss being back home. When I talked to Jude I missed what it was like to always be around them. This just isn't what I thought it would be like."

"What you thought it would be like...meaning what?"

"How are you and Stella doing?" I flipped around the subject to him, hoping he wouldn't push me further.

He shrugged, his tattooed arm lifting up so he could push back his hair. "She's great."

"Yeah, she is." I smiled for him, something that could make me happy right now is him being happy.

"She invited me to a party at...Jimin's place tonight." His slight pause assuring that he wasn't going to mention Taehyung to me. "I'm not going to go, I'd rather hang out with you, of course."

I gave him the side eye. Why in the world would he want to hang out with me sulking and being sad over a dance I didn't even have instead of going to a party with the girl he was seeing. "Don't be silly. You should go."

"I already told her we had plans-"

"Yeah, one long night of eating popcorn and sitting in bed." I was trying to remind him how silly he sounded. But I realized Jungkook definitely wouldn't change his mind. "Why don't we both go? I need to leave the house."

He let out a laugh from his nose, not realizing I was being serious.

"I'm serious, Koo. That way you can be with Stella and I can just stick with you guys or talk to Jimin about dance. Maybe he'll try to convince me I didn't fuck up too bad." Jimin was kind to me but I can't imagine him lying to me about how I didn't ruin a perfect opportunity, maybe I would try to avoid him.

"Taehyung lives there, too-"

I cut him off. "He barely makes appearances at these parties, plus I could really care less."

Jungkook grabbed the door handle to a ice cream bar, opening it and letting me go in before him. "I'll text Stella, but we should only drop in."

"You're so dramatic." I didn't look back at him as I spoke, knowing I was the actual dramatic one in this friendship.