savior complex - kth

051

"You said your last name was Franciscus?" Bea layered more sour cream on top of Jamie's second quesadilla.We were all sitting around the table and eating, the conversations were mostly her asking me questions. She wasn't interrogating me, at least it didn't seem like it, she seemed to just be skeptical about this relationship...the one that doesn't exist.

"Yes." I said, my empty plate in front of me. I only had one of Taehyung's quesadillas but I was in too much of a weird position to be that hungry.

Taehyung on the other hand was eating so many of them, and quickly. I would think he didn't know when his next meal is.

"That's a unique name." Bea now side eyed Taehyung who didn't even notice.

Taehyung said something about the food not being as good as he usually makes it which changed the subject but I pulled out my phone, looking at him. "I'm going to call Jungkook. I can't just leave him alone tonight."

This really confused Bea who was looking between us, seeming dumbfounded. I was realizing how straight up she was, making you feel stupid when you didn't think the same way, and why Taehyung acted the way he did. "Who is that?"

"Her roommate." Taehyung said. He nodded to me as a go and I started walking towards the door but his deep voice stopped me. "Maybe not outside this time."

Bea laughed at his little joke and I turned around, looking as to where I could go to privately make this phone call. Taehyung with half of the quesadillas in his mouth pointed his thumb back behind him to the room I found him in earlier.

I found Jungkook's contact and pressed it as I entered the room, thrilled to hear a comforting voice. I couldn't tell him everything yet considering Taehyung could probably hear most of it so I kept it simple.

I felt relieved when Jungkook told me he was going to some event tonight with Stella and some of their friends, an art exhibit they picked last minute. He told me he'd stay with her or let her stay over. I don't know if this means they had a talk about everything or not but I was not about to talk about it now. I made a mental note to text Stella and just tell her how much I love and appreciate her. I updated him some about what happened, about what happened on the call and that when I got here Taehyung was pretty banged up.

The door creaked open when Jungkook was explaining to me that this museum was all about the shape the world was in, how each piece was made of trash found on beaches.

Taehyung shut the door behind and just walked past me like I wasn't in the room. "Koo, I have to go. I'll be at school tomorrow. Don't do anything stupid tonight."

He laughed on the other end, making me feeling a little comforted. "Okay Jo. I am returning that request to you. I love you."

I repeated back the 'I love you' and then locked my phone, sliding it into the pocket of Taehyung's pants I was wearing.

He looked at me but didn't say anything and kept on his way, he was moving Jamie's toys off the sheets layered on the ground.

"Are you not going to tell me what that was?" I said to him.

The toys were pushed away but he still didn't look back at me. "That...was dinner."

I sighed at this sarcastic remark, I hate how crazy he made me feel. "No. Why did you tell your sister I was your girlfriend?"

He turned around to me quickly now, standing up straight. "Because she kept making ignorant comments. It was the only thing to make her shut up."

"She was just talking. You didn't need to say that. It got so awkward." I said.

I'm done with this. I'm done with this. I'm done with this, I just kept repeating to myself. It was so annoying being around him because any feelings I felt towards him came rushing back and I was clearly bad at pushing them away. Right now I was trying hard to because he was just being an asshole.

"Well, I said it." He turned back around.

I reached down and grabbed my clothes off the floor and walked back to the door. "I'm leaving. I'm not doing this."

He walked over to the door before me and pushed it back closed, he was standing in the way now and with the way the veins on his hand were sticking out I could tell he was holding the door shut hard. "I told you you can't walk around this area right now."

"I'm not dealing with this. I told you I was done, Tae." This was the first time I had called him this and I could tell by his face he was thrown off guard. "I'm so sick of my mind hurting trying to figure out what mood you want to be in."

He looked away from me and around the room, almost like the words he was trying hard to think of were going to appear on the walls. When he finally spoke his voice was softer. "Josie, I don't mean to be in a bad mood right now. I just feel like shit and todays been really hard."

I didn't want to be aggressive about it any more, I didn't want him to be reminded how much it effected me even though he probably knew. "You always say you don't mean it. You have never told me you're sorry. For anything you've done to me."

His hand came off the door and he stepped closer to me but I stepped back from him, gripping my clothes tighter in my hand. "Josie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I make you feel like shit sometimes and I'm sorry I can't stay away. I can't help it. I just need to be around you. You seem to feel the same because you're here right now."

I know this is part of his game, something he's done before. But when these words come out I forget how to think. He said he can't stay away, what was I even thinking coming here?

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"One night." He said. Gripping my arm so when he stepped closer again I wouldn't move away. "All I want is tonight, here with you. I feel vulnerable here, in a fucked up way. Please stay."

I looked up at him and his face was pale, more pale than it had been when I got here and saw the big wound on his head. I didn't respond and instead put my clothes back down on the floor, walking over to where the bed was.

Why do I feel like I'm his little puppet.

Without any warning he leaned towards me and kissed me, I felt the control I had leave and I was back in this little trap.