savior complex - kth

023

I took a silent shower, the only sound being the water and the only thing I could see was fog from how hot my shower was. I thought about how I had imagined coming here would be, I knew that the academics was going to be hard and I figured the partying was going to be a lot considering how rich this area was and the kids that went here.

I'm not sure what I expected the boys here to be like but I definitely didn't expect to meet someone like Taehyung. I have never in my life been so worried about what someone else has thought of me apart from maybe my family when I did something wrong. It was so odd that this boy I barely knew took up so much of my thinking. I don't think I like it.

When I got out of the shower I put on new clothes, this time something that was more presentable than my pajama's. I ran a brush through my hair but quickly gave up attempting to make it look good, thinking about how I never cared before and I shouldn't now just because of Taehyung. I grabbed my phone off the bathroom sink and walked out of the bathroom, the steam escaped with me.

When I looked at my phone I realized that Yoongi had called me...I don't know why. So I decided I'd call him back to make sure nothing had happened to his family or anything. It was silent downstairs as opposed to jazz playing like Taehyung had done this morning.

The phone didn't ring very long until I heard Yoongi's slow words on the other line. "Hey, Josie."

"Hi. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why would it not be?" He asked and seemed just as concerned as I was asking the question.

I walked for the stairs but slowly, getting a good view out of the window of our loft at the city to realize it was raining. "I haven't talked to you since before I left. I just figured you wanted to tell me something."

"I do." He said and paused, waiting for me to ask what but I didn't. I knew him well enough and knew that the tone he was using he was going to tell me good news. For him at least. "I'm going to be in Brooklyn this weekend."

"Oh. I hope you have fun." I didn't know how to respond, or how he was expecting me to respond.

"I want to see you."

Now it all made sense. "I have a lot of schooling going on." I headed down the stairs now and kept the phone up to me ear. "And Jungkook is coming back from being out of town so we're going to have some stuff to catch up on."

"Okay, I hear the excuses, Josie." Yoongi said, knowing me more than I'd like him to. "I really do want to see you, I want to hear all about NYU and all the people you've met."

When I reached the bottom of the stairs I turned the corner, realizing I had a lapse of judgement. Taehyung was sitting at the table with the box of pizza open in front of him, a pizza in one hand and the book he was reading in the other. He wore a straight face as he chewed a piece of the pizza, not even acknowledging my presence in the room.

"Um, okay. I'll text you. But I told you I'm really busy." I said quickly into the phone, wanting nothing more than this phone call to end.

Yoongi said something before I could hang up. "I'll see you this weekend then."

"Bye." I said and then pulled the phone away from my cheek to hang up.

I pulled out a chair across from Taehyung and looked at him as he peaked up at me through his hair. "Who was that?"

I took a breath in through my nose, wishing that I would have come down stairs before deciding to call Yoongi back. "My ex boyfriend."

"Ah." Taehyung said then looked back down at his book. "Why did he call you?"

I didn't know if I should say the truth, but it didn't really matter because I wasn't going to see Yoongi this weekend. "He said he's going to be in town this weekend."

The book in his hand closed and the pizza he was eating he set back down in the box, apart from the other slices. He looked at me now and I pulled my legs up in the chair with me, hugging my knees as I looked back. I have never in my life had someone look at me and be so intimidating. "So he wants to see you."

"He said that, but I'm not going to see him."

"Why not?" He asked and I was taken aback, he never really seemed to care and he always shrugged things off while being so smug.

My shoulders moved up and down to let him know I didn't know, though I did. Yoongi was in the past and I had no business seeing him again, especially in a new city with a new life. "I just don't care to."

I really regretted this call happening in front of Taehyung, especially when he opened his mouth again. "You should see him. See what he has to say."

"He doesn't have anything to say. He just wants to see if I've moved on or if my life is better without him. I know him."

"And?" He said, folding his book and leaning to the side to slide it into his back pocket. "Have you moved on? Is it better?"

"Of course it's better." I said, a scowl covering my face. "I don't want to see him, why are you trying to make me?"

"I'm not." He huffed. "I just don't see why you wouldn't want to see someone from back home."

"Because he's my ex and we didn't end good." He was hurting my feelings now and I wish it wasn't like that, I wish that he acted like he was interested that maybe he wouldn't want me to see my ex again.

He held his hands up in defense, like I was attacking him. "I don't want you to think I'm holding you back. We have no tie to each other just because we hooked up."

It felt like I was drowning now in my own apartment, I was losing the air from my lungs. I didn't want to back down but I am constantly getting mixed signals from him and this time it actually hurt. "What is that suppose to mean?"

He laughed, and I knew it was at my expense. "You know what I mean."

"No. Explain it." I pushed.

He sighed and leaned back, his hands going up behind his head but his hair remained on his forehead over his eyes. "Now you're just being silly."

"I think you should leave." I said to him, tightening my hug around my legs.

He didn't move. "Why are you upset? Because I think you should see a friend from back home and catch up?"

I wanted nothing more than to look away because I felt weak knowing I was about to cry, no one had ever hurt my feelings like he does. I don't even know how he gets to me so much. "I don't get what you're doing. I wish you'd just leave me alone."

"Leave you alone?" He said, finally becoming a little more serious. "Just because I said we don't have a tie to one another? What did you expect?"

The hots tears started coming down my face and I wiped then away as fast as I could, not knowing if I should show him how mad I was. I knew he probably thought I seemed crazy when this was obviously nothing to him.

Before any words came out I heard the lock on the door turn, making a clicking sound and then the door sliding open. I wiped the extra tears coming out as quick as possible, both of us staring at the door.

Jungkook entered with his back turned to us to shut the door behind him, the silence very loud in the room. I used my sleeve to make sure my cheeks were dry completely but when Jungkook turned around he realized I had been crying. He looked at me with a sad expression then towards Taehyung, Jungkook speaking sternly. "You need to leave."

Taehyung laughed and stood up, a smirk over his face over what was going on...or the fact that he made me cry, I don't know. He pushed his book farther down in his pocket and let Jungkook open the door for him to leave, Jungkook trying to be calm when shutting the door but he almost slammed it.

I started to cry now and Jungkook got directly in front of my to lean down, his hands on my feet that were on the edge of the chair while I lookedbup at him. "I feel so stupid, Koo."

"You're not." He assured me. "He is."