savior complex - kth

049

I tried Taehyung's number, but Namjoon was right. It was going straight to voicemail. I tapped my foot while sitting on the subway and tried to think about anything other than something happening to Jamie. I don't know if he'd ever come back to school or if anyone would see him again if something happened to her.

I stopped myself from the black hole I was falling into and crossed my arms over my bag, beginning to people watch and try to imagine the days they were having. An old woman with braids and a white sweater I would imagine was having a day like any other to her, her headphones on and her face blank as she stood holding the pole in the subway. Three young girls dressed up sat together and talked about how cool 'the Met Museum' was even though they were as wet as me, they must be tourist.

'A true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be kidding.' I don't remember who said it, but I was flashed back to when I was on this route and Taehyung told me about him people watching and wondering if they're from Wyoming. It was always so random when he would open up and tell me things, that was my favorite Taehyung.

When I finally arrived I walked with the smallest group off the train and tried to remember the way Taehyung took me. I remembered this area, which seemed even more lonely and sad with the rain clouds above. I saw kids outside playing with a basketball once I started walking down the street. My hair was frizzy but it wasn't raining so bad here, so I pulled out my phone and tried Taehyung one more time to make sure I wasn't about to pull up and seem absolutely insane to him or his sister.

But no answer.

Jungkook had texted me to ask where I was going, making sure I was safe, and I told him I'd be back once I found Taehyung for Namjoon. I wasn't going to tell him the whole situation because all of this...this area, his family, jamie, it was all just between us.

I remember Taehyung not pressing the button to cross the road, but I don't know the area like that. I pressed it. A group of 5 or 6 kids went by me on their skateboards, just going across the street that I was waiting to pass. One with pale skin who looked 14 grabbed an older mans hand while passing him to tug out the beer he had which caused him to yell after them. The boys chugged the beer and flicked him off cooly. I just stared. I wondered if Taehyung was like this when he first moved in with Bea.

I saw the tall skinny apartment complex once I finally crossed the road and the kids were no longer in sight. The old skinny man still looked angry but I kept on my way. I remember the floor and which door because I remember the man coming out and talking to me, also how nervous I was that Taehyung was kidnapping me. The smell of cigarettes and weed remained.

I knocked on the door and braced myself for how awkward this was going to be, what I was even going to say. But I came all this way and something could be very wrong. But if it isn't then I'll make him call Namjoon on my phone and quickly leave.

There was no answer to the door so I knocked again. This time when I knocked the door pushed opened only slightly. I thought my heart was going to sink, Taehyung used a key last time and this seems like the place to lock your doors.

I opened it more and stepped in, it smelled like spaghetti but also like something maybe had been burnt. I let out a large breath when the door to the back bedroom opened and Jamie came walking out. She was wearing a shirt way too big for her where I couldn't even see her pants. Her hair was big and wavy like she just woke up, almost mimicking Taehyung's when he woke up. She didn't favor him very much, she had lighter hair and lighter eyes, her skin was also more fair than him and his sisters. But most importantly, in this moment, she looked completely healthy and okay.

She just looked at me, not making any expression. "Hi Jamie...I'm Josie." I had no idea how to go about this. "Do you remember me?"

She nodded her head and moved her mouth but I couldn't make out what she said from this far. I shut the door behind me and was fully inside now.