savior complex - kth

034

I was standing now at the front door of the house I was just at not too long ago this morning, swallowing before I knocked on the door. I knew Taehyung wouldn't answer because he never had before, but I was taken a little aback when Jimin did. "Josie! Hey!"

"Hi, Jimin. Sorry about Friday." I felt the guilt of two days before when I was suppose to have a good night with him but it ended up in a scene with Taehyung. "I really am."

"It's okay." He gave me a sad smile, I wasn't sure if he was sad for me or if he was pitying himself. "Why are you here?"

"I just came to talk to Taehyung. I laid in him this morning for-"

"He's not here." I was cut off, his hand was still on the door. "I don't know where he went but he's not here."

I peaked in the door, worrying that he was in his secret room and I couldn't get to him. There was no way for me to explain that and I knew I couldn't expose it to Jimin. "Did you see him leave?"

Jimin nodded. "He left right after you. With his typical book in pocket and headphones get up. That's all I know though, Sorry."

I just smiled to him and turned around, hearing the door shut as I walked off the front lawn and onto the street. There was only one more place I could check and if he wasn't there I would just have to wait until I ran into him again. The easiest thing to do would be to call him but I can almost guarantee that he wouldn't answer my call, and we were never ones to talk on the phone. He left me notes in books for the love of god.

Bryant Park was in my view, the place he told me he goes to write. I got closer to the bench he claimed with his, and now my, quote carved into it and there was a little girl sitting there eating popcorn with her dad. That wasn't him.

I looked right up at the window in the library that I knew he'd be sitting by if he was here, keeping an eye on this spot and I spotted him. He wasn't writing though, he was reading and seemed to be very invested while a clear cup of coffee sat completely full on the table beside him.

I went as quickly as I could up to go visit him before he saw me standing out here. Since it was a Sunday it was pretty packed at the library and most of them looking like they were my age, some way older. I passed a bookshelf and he was in my view but as I walked towards him I realized he wasn't focused on the book, he was focused on anything but. His head in one place and his eyes staring at one line, and not moving.

I think he felt someone staring because when I almost reached him his eyes peaked up, the part in his hair revealing his forehead still prominent and the perfect place for him to look at me. Though it didn't last long, his eyes went right back down to the book like he hadn't even noticed me.

"Taehyung, I'm sorry." I said when I got to him, wanting to take the seat beside him but I refrained.

He didn't look up at me still. "For what?"

It was so weird being on the other side of this, it was always him having to go back on what was said to me, not the other way around. "For getting mad at you this morning. I obviously had no idea about all the Jungkook stuff. You should have just told me."

"It was Jungkook's news to tell you, not mine." Taehyung looked up and had no expression on his face. I remember this look that shows how much he doesn't care and now I longed for him to be angry, to care.

"Well, I felt bad that I got mad at you this morning, but you made it seem like you were busy so you couldn't go and you wouldn't tell me why."

He huffed out a weightless laugh. "Okay, Josie."

"I don't even know what I'm going to do." I sat down in the seat now and tried to keep his eyes on me, but it didn't work when he looked back down at his book. "It was so kind of you to get those for us. You worked so hard to get the money for the tickets to do something for me, a once in a lifetime thing. Jungkook is going to have art in Museum's for the rest of his life."

He didn't react to anything I said. "I'll figure out what to do with the tickets."

I honestly didn't know what to say, everything was thrown at me today and I didn't even know what to think. I didn't have time to be thankful to Taehyung for getting these and I didn't have time to be excited for Jungkook for accomplishing something amazing. I know deep down I want to go to this ballet with Taehyung but I can't imagine how upset Jungkook would be if I didn't come to this, but before I even thought of either one I needed to talk about everything to Jungkook.

When I didn't answer, Taehyung shut his book and talked again. "You know what, my spots open down there I'm going to go take it before someone else does."

"Tae, wait-" I said and immediately wanted to swallow my words, I felt like I was begging for him to give me attention and it was weird. When he turned back to look at me I spoke not so loud. "I'm going to talk to Jungkook, okay?"

"No, I don't want you choosing. I'm really not mad, Josie." He said in a laugh and I was back to being unable to read him. "I'll see you around."

He walked off and now I was left sitting here, just watching him walk off after we had a great night last might and now he could care less about me. I was so sick of crying about him so I held it together and pulled out my phone to call Jude, the only person who could give me sound and unbiased advice.