August [j.p]

027-Some things you just can't speak about

And some things you just can't speak about
With you, I serve
With you, I fall down, down
-
epiphany

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August Williams couldn't stop staring at the ruby ring that was now hers.

Hers

When she made her bed. There it was.

Writing notes. There it was again.

After the high of their passion subsided and James returned back to Hogwarts, she thought she'd regret it and stress about giving it back.

But it was quite opposite. It felt right.

Nothing in her life had ever felt more right than James.

August had yet to tell Sadie and Lori about her new title as not girlfriend, but fiancé.

Sure they saw the ring but August simply brushed it off every time. Desperate to remain in the high of knowing that she was going to marry James and she wasn't ready for her friend's concerned and (understandable) criticism.

It was a moment that she'd like to keep between her and James for a while longer.

But Saturday had come, a week after her engagement. James wouldn't come down this weekend because of his studies. It was exam time and he had to work day and night to pull his grades up enough to qualify for Auror training.

August walked alongside Sadie and Lori towards their favorite coffee shop. There was a small nip in the air and August was thankful for the big woolen coat James forced her to buy because of its deep red color. She normally despised wearing red but she figured she'd have to get used to it since her husband-to-be took house pride maybe too seriously.

"Red coat, red ring. Would you like to inform us of this turning point in your life." Lori smiled.

August envied how exam-stress barely showed on Lori. Her hair was perfectly braided with small purple beads here and there, she looked perfectly put together and carefree. Maybe it was because Lori was freakishly smart whereas August barely scraped by and secured the internship with the Minister of Magic out of pure luck. Luck as in he thought she was pretty and wanted to get in her pants despite the photo of his wife and children on his desk.

But August knew that Lori worked so hard because she wanted to prove the pre-decided misconceptions people made of her wrong. It wasn't for them, it was for her. So that she could rise above everything they ever said about her, she would be great. She was great.

As for the creepy minister, he knew how badly she needed the opportunity and wouldn't risk telling a soul, he also knew about her past. The files strewn across his desk once she entered the pristine office as if to taunt her. No one would believe her. Ever. So she stayed quiet and was prepared to spend a summer riddled with anxiety whenever she was alone with him.

But perhaps it wouldn't have to be like that. She could leave France, leave the horrid memories of this town. Of course she'd return to Beauxbâtons, for all of the pain she experienced there, she experienced a tenfold in happiness.

"I think you want to sit down for this." August smiled nervously at her friends.

"You're pregnant!" Sadie squealed.

"No." August laughed, "Pipe down."

The three girl took their seats and ordered the caramel coffee they always got.

"Out with it." Lori said, unable to hide her curiosity.

"I'm engaged." August said, her eyes lighting up and her ring finger held out.

"Oh my god" Sadie shouted. "August this is amazing. How did he ask you? Was it romantic? I bet it was. Did he get down on one knee and everything? When's the wedding? Can I be a bridesmaid?" Sadie rambled off, over the moon.

Her friend was finally getting what she deserved, a family full of love, a home where she felt safe. It was all falling in place for August and Sadie couldn't help but think back and remember the little 4th year girl who would come back to school sobbing and worn out.

"One day you will be so happy Augie, I know it."

"I was shocked, I'll admit." August wrapped her hands around the heat of her coffee. "But it feels like I'm floating on a cloud."

"Augie this is great." Sadie grabbed her hand from across the table, "This is one bloody ring."

"I know right! Look at how it sparkles when the light hits it just right."

August was holding up her hand in different directions trying to find the right combination of light and shadow when Lori spoke up.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"No Lori, look, it worked yesterday, we'll wait till mid-afternoon." August said distractedly.

"I'm not talking about the goddamn ring August. You're 17, God you're not even grown up yet." Lori accused, "You haven't the slightest clue who you are, what you want to be. August, you haven't even worked through your past. And now you want to marry a boy who knows even less about himself than Sadie knows about boys!"

"Merlin Lori, can you not just be happy for me. I'm young, I'm engaged, the world might burn tomorrow but I love him!" August retaliated.

"Do you know what your problem is August?"

"Lori." Sadie warned

"You always rely on other people to hide behind. Sure, you claim to be so independent and confident, but all you do when things get rough, is cower. Can't face your father, that's fine. Let's hide with Sadie's family. Can't face your mother, no stress. Owl Lori and see if you can crash at her place. The world is on the brink of war and you're still not dealing with your daddy issues. Enter James!"

"How dare you!" August seethed, "How dare you bring my father into this, like you have any idea what it was like Lori."

"You don't understand the fear and the terror I went through, how I felt unsafe in my own bedroom. Do you know about the PTSD, the hurt. Do you have any idea what it's like to try and pick up your broken pieces and live on?" She asked incredulously.

"You're so co-dependent, don't you see. Ten years from now you'll be living in a house near the countryside with a husband who works a 9-5 and you'll be left at home looking after the three kids that drive you up the wall." Lori laughed sardonically.

"Would you just shut the fuck up Lori! Some of us don't want to be the bloody minister or be on the fucking muggle telly."

"Listen to me, and listen to me closely August. I'm sorry I brought up your dad, that was an asshole move. But here's the truth, you get attached way too fast. And once you're attached to someone you will do anything to make them happy. It's never about what you want, it's always everyone's need before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, don't deserve it. They take advantage of you, and you're okay with that. Because they're in your life and that's all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you'll still let them come back. Every damn time. How long did it take for James Potter to convince you to keep that ring on your finger?" She nodded her head towards August's clenched fist.

"How long did it take for him to get you back into bed with him, to give him a second chance?"

Silence lay thick between them and August felt a distance stretch between them that they would possibly never recover again.

Best friends fought, Lori and August had fought plenty of times. But never like this.

"Just because my dreams and ambitions don't measure up to yours Lori, doesn't mean that they are any less valid."

With that August left the coffee shop.

She hoped that she would never have to see the fucking sign again.