August [j.p]

038- Those Windermere peaks look like the perfect place to cry

I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet
'Cause I haven't moved in years
And I want you right here
A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground
-
the lakes (bonus track)

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The roof was cold and Lily was about to go back inside when she felt his presence next to her.

For the first time in a while the smell of vanilla didn't linger on his skin.

It was if every trace of August Williams had disappeared. Except it didn't, she would always be there.

A barrier between the two of them, and it wasn't her fault. August wasn't a scapegoat for their relationship drama anymore, it was James and Lily. They simply weren't meant to be no matter how hard they would've fought.

Maybe if August never came across their path they would've gotten married and had kids and visit the beach on Sunday, but would they have been truly happy.

No.

Clarity was a curse because Lily so desperately wanted James to be the one.

"The adults will tell you to stop looking for the spark. To settle for stability and companionship. But I don't think I can sit next to someone at the diner table for the rest of my life talking only about my day." James spoke, his eyes were swollen and his cheeks blotted.

"What did she have, that I didn't?" Lily asked the question that plagued her thoughts. She was petrified of the answer.

She was dying to hear someone say that she didn't need to try so hard to be wanted, that she was enough and that it was okay. But she accepted that James Potter could never give her what she wanted.

"It wasn't a case of who had what, I love you both and I don't deserve either of you."

"You don't think I notice, do you?" She laughed bitterly.

"God, I notice. Every sideways glance you give her. I see every smile that plays across your lips for an instant before disappearing. Every flirtatious grin and every suggestive glint in your eyes. I notice everything you notice when you're around her and I always wish that you'd notice that about me."

"Lily, if only you could see yourself through my eyes." He tried to comfort her.

"Then why wasn't I enough?" She stood up abruptly so that she towered over his seated form. "She's safe and she's reliable! She's great and she's likable! She's a candle flame and I, I'm a wildfire. She's always just enough and I'll always be too much. And she'll give you what you ask her for, but I would've given you the moon, James."

James finally answered honestly. "It was comfortable, like slipping back into childhood, safe." He looked up at her with eyes that seemed far too old for a young man, "August was extraordinary."

Even after his answer Lily wished that she could rid herself of the parts of her that begged for understanding. Why did he choose her?

There was no real answer. It was never about Lily in the first place, he simply chose August. She was an innocent casualty. But what she failed to remember was that James's actions said far more about him, than it did about her.

Lily sat back down next to the boy and rested her head on his shoulder.

"It's the most tragic thing, when two people are deeply in love with each other but it wasn't meant to be." James said.

Lily didn't know if he was talking about him and August or them, but for fleeting moments, for now she would let herself believe it was them.

They looked at each other like they were almost lovers. Like they should've kissed and made love and laughed in bed, but fate had its own plans. They looked at one another with what ifs and could haves and hearts full of regret.

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The walk out too the driveway was one that Sirius Black dreaded.

"I suppose the only place I'll see you now is pictures in envelopes."
He said, looking over at August walking next to him.

Their breaths were visible in the cold and the night was silent around them, the only sound they heard was the scuffing of their shoes on the ground.

"You're crazy if you think I'll never come visit." She laughed.

"I'm going to miss you so fucking much." He said, staring ahead instead of letting his face betray just how upset he was, he didn't want to make this harder than it already was.

For her or for him.

"I'll miss you just as much, if not more."

They came to a stop and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, if he didn't let go maybe she wouldn't ever have to leave.

"Stay safe, Siri, don't do anything stupid on Order missions." She sniffled against his shoulder.

"And you, look after yourself. You're courageous and you'll get through it."

"I love you." She said kissing him on the cheek.

"I love you." He replied.

They both turned at a cough in the darkness, Lily Evans stood in front of them, bundled up in layers.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked looking at August.

Sirius gave her one last squeeze before making his was back towards the house.

Once he was out of hearing range Lily awkwardly cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry. Not for James, I can't be sorry about that but I'm sorry for thinking you were a horrible person. You're actually one of the kindest souls I've come across."

"Thank you" August smiled gently. "I hope that we both find happiness. And James too, after everything."

Lily laughed what felt like the first genuine laugh in a while, "Godric, I wish I could hate you but I think you're lovely."

"I wish I could hate you too, would make it so much easier." August agreed.

"Well, all the best August Williams." Lily smiled and stuck out her hand.

Instead of accepting the outstretched hand August brought the redhead in for a hug.

"There's happiness out there for us, I believe it wholeheartedly." She whispered as she felt Lily's own arms wrap around her waist.

"I think it'll be a while before I believe that as well." Lily admitted, small tremors shaking her form.

August felt her own sadness bubble up and overflow.

She believed there was happiness out there for her and she was determined to find it. But she was also learning that in order to find happiness she needed to stop running from the pain and rather embrace it. Understand it. Because in it's own unfortunate way it made her stronger.

So the two girls held onto one another and embraced the pain.

And in the messy room of James Potter he held his own friends as the tears escaped his eyes and fell down in rivers of sadness, and perhaps hope.