𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓲 𝓵𝓲𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾?| 𝓪𝓵𝓮𝓬 𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓭

Chapter Nineteen

(no, this is not a hallucination. i actually posted the extra chapter!! also this is super exciting bc i feel like today's sotc your soul by rhodes is like their song :) it makes me think of them, so that's really exciting !! happy reading <3)

Ness inhaled shakily.

"I'm a liar, Alec. I've always been a liar. I um-" She closed her eyes, trying to stay composed, keep it together.

Ness was always put together. It was a given thing.

Just never when it came to him.

"I lived my whole life not telling. I just...couldn't bring myself to tell you, even after..."

"Even after what?"

"Even after I started caring."

Alec raked his hand through his hair, completely bewildered.

"But..i don't understand" he faltered. "Why were you afraid to tell me?"

Her eyes welled with tears.

"Because you're so good Alec" she whispered. "And I'm bad. Bad for you."

He walked towards her, and wrapped him arm around her waist, so that he was facing her.

"I'm worse for you, darling" he said comfortingly.

Darling. Ness melted. 

"I'm a control freak. I'm toxic" he continued, "I'm a toxic person. An angry person. I expect things from you when I don't ask for them. I expect you to understand stuff that I don't even tell you about. And I hate you, all the time for not being exactly who I want you to be. And for not loving me because I-" 

She put a finger on his lips, a tear sliding down her face.

"Don't say it" she whispered.

"Why not?" he asked, cupping her face in his cold hand, and ran his thumb over her flushed cheek.

"Because then it'll be real" she admitted in a tiny voice. "And I can't deal with it being real, Alec I..."

"I understand" he soothed, planting a kiss on her forehead. "I understand you. But I'm bad for you."

"And I'm bad for you" she argued defensively. "This is so toxic, Alec. We should stop, now before we get too attached." 

He looked her in the eyes, his fiery eyes blazing into her electric ones.

"Do you want this to stop?" he asked gruffly, his gaze boring into her soul.

"No" she shook her head. "No, Alec. I never want to stop being close to you."

He wiped her tears away with his thumb and kissed her, and she lifted her hands to the back of his neck, running her hand through his dark, unruly hair.

Kissing him made her forget who she was, forget her secrets, her hope, her dreams, her fears. Nothing existed in that kiss, except for them, two stupid teenagers who had more baggage than they could handle, making them cold and toxic, but so desperately for the other's affection. They were each other's safehouse, each other's addiction, each other's heart and each other's mind.

They were made for each other.

But they were made to hate each other too.

(yes i know she's short. but idk. i kinda love it. hope u enjoyed <3)