Jessica woke up early with Jonas. He ate and Jessica changed his diaper.
"You're in such a good mood this morning, aren't you, Jonas?"
Jonas kicks his legs against his mother's stomach and smiles.
"You are such a happy nakey boy!" Jessica smiles.
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Jessica giggles. She then softly touched Jonas' scar.
".. I love you, Jonas. You're such a little superhero."
Jonas coos loudly.
"You're so sweet! You're gonna wake daddy up pretty soon." Jessica then turns to the clock.
"He needs to get up anyway. Wake him up, Jonas."
Jonas swings his arms and coos.
Jessica laughs. "Good boy! Danny, wake up. The kids have to get up and get to school." Jessica pats his arm.
"Come on, Daniel. Get up!"
"Hmm? What?"
"First day of school today!"
"I don't go to school." Danny mumbles and turns to his stomach.
Jessica laughs. "Come on Daniel. Battle stations. I'll give you the easy one. Gray won't be trouble waking up. Little miss Nova will be harder. But I'll take little brother for back up." Jessica turns to Jonas with a smile. She then softly tickles his belly.
Danny yawns and sits up. "I'll wake him up then make breakfast. Any requests?"
"No. Surprise us." Jessica smiles.
"Okay. Good morning, little guy." Danny says in a groggy voice.
"He's all smiles today!" Jessica says.
"He's staring up at mommy, that's why he's so smiley."
"I look like trash." Jessica chuckles.
"No, you're beautiful! Look at him.. he knows how stunning you are."
Jessica looks at Jonas. He was all smiles. "He's a sweet baby." Jessica lifts him and kisses his cheeks.
**
"Novies.. wake up, honey. It's time for school!" Jessica says.
Nova doesn't respond.
"Come on, Nova. First day of school, get excited!"
"No! I don't wanna go to first grade! I'm a baby, mommy!" She whines.
"No you're not, you're a big girl."
"Nooo!" She whines once again.
"I'm a baby girl!"
"Yes, you're a baby. But you're a big baby who gets to go to school!" Jessica smiles.
"I wanna stay home with you and Jonas."
"You'll see us after school. You and Sam will be at school together so you won't be lonely."
Nova groans. "Fine. Fine, I'll go and I'll have a terrible time."
Jessica laughs. "Alright, baby."
**
"Grayson, you look so handsome! I can't believe my baby boy is in middle school. Where did the time go?" Jessica looks to Grayson with tears in her eyes. He hand was placed gently on his cheek.
Grayson smiles up to his mother and it's like Jessica is staring straight into Sam's eyes.
"You look just like your daddy, Gray. Just like him. Oh gosh, I'd give anything to see you two together just for one day. To have a picture of you two boys.. you, daddy, and your big brothers. I even want a picture of all of us, plus Danny and Nova and Jonas." Jessica laughs. "I know that's silly but.." She takes a deep breath.
"I just.. wish things were different. Anyway.. finish your breakfast, baby boy."
"Okay.. Mom?"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
Jessica smiles and leans forward to kiss him. "I love you more, Gray. I'll be right back. You two eat up!"
"Okay mommy!" Nova kicks her legs and smiles. Her face covered in syrup.
Jessica walked into the living room and sat down on the chair, Jonas still in her arms.
Jessica suddenly felt so many emotions. She missed Sam everyday, but today it was hitting her hard.
Sam wasn't here to see their son off for his first day of sixth grade. He would miss so many important days, and the thought broke Jessica's heart.
Danny noticed Jessica looked upset and followed her.
"Jess? Are you okay?"
Jessica looked up to Danny and tears were pouring down her face.
"Baby.." Danny takes Jonas and places him in his bassinet. He then sits beside Jessica.
"What's wrong?"
Jessica shakes her head. "Nothing."
"It's something. Talk to me, honey."
"I just.. I miss Sam."
"Oh.. I'm sorry." Danny rubs her back.
"I know it's hard, Jessie.."
"I'm sorry I'm crying like this, it's just hitting me so hard today and I don't know why! Jessica sobs.
"It's a big day and you want him here for Grayson. I completely understand."
"I just wish he would have just cheated on me and we were divorced! I know that sounds stupid, but I rather that have happened than him be gone! I'd rather he have hurt me! This pain is too much. It doesn't get easier. Even though I have you. You who love me and who I love. I'm so happy to have you Danny, please don't think this is me saying I want Sam as my husband over you! I want you both in my life!" Jessica bawls.
Danny takes Jessica in his arms and gently rocks her back and forth. "It's okay. I understand. It's okay.. Breathe."
"I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me."
"Why would I hate you? You were with Sam since you were kids! You have four children together! You have a story, Jessica. Losing him was difficult, and it always will be. Do not ever apologize for your feelings. Sam will always be a big part of your life."
Jessica sniffles and holds him tighter. "I love you, Danny."
"I love you more, baby."
Just then Jonas starts crying. Jessica gasps and sits up. "Don't let him cry!" Jessica is still afraid Jonas will hurt himself crying so whenever he gets upset she immediately picks him up.
Danny takes the baby and soft bounces him. "Hey little guy. What's the matter?"
Jessica wipes her tears and holds her arms out. "Hand him to me, honey." Tears continued slowly rolling down Jessica's cheeks.
"Come here Jonas.. you're okay.. you're okay.. we're both okay, baby.."
