This Chapter was more emotional to write than I thought it would be... Enjoy! 😬💙
***
During the night Caroline's contractions worsened. It was time to head to the hospital. A moment they dreamed of was no longer a happy time. Each contraction was a pain closer to her baby leaving her body. Caroline wasn't ready to say goodbye and neither was James.
Caroline's mother and Jessica also went to the hospital, while Danny stayed back with the kids.
James was a nervous wreck. In a normal delivery the mom has a goal. That goal is to meet her baby. In this case Caroline wanted the pain to end, but didn't want to see her son that way.
She opted out of any kind of pain relief. She wanted to feel what it was like to have a baby like most mothers do.
James was amazing and helped her whenever she needed him.
Caroline stood beside the bed and leaned over it while James pressed hard into her back.
Jessica and Susan watched as their children worked together so beautifully.
It was strange because the hourly checks weren't exciting. Knowing they were closer and closer to seeing their lifeless son, caused them much heartache.
Caroline remained calm during her labor and only let out a few low moans during the really intense contractions.
The only time Caroline really lost it was when she heard another baby cry a few doors down.
James quickly shut the door and rushed to her side. Caroline grabbed onto the side of the bed and curled her body into a fetal position. That cry was something she desperately wanted to hear from her baby. She would never be able to hear it because her baby would be born sleeping. That to her sounded better than anything else. Her baby would be born an angel, and she tried so hard to find comfort in knowing that.
**
"Okay Caroline.. It's time. Are you ready?"
"... No." Her voice was shaky and a look of pure sadness was on her face.
"We'll leave you two alone.." Susan said before kissing Caroline on her cheek.
"Come here, baby." Jessica hugs James.
Hugging his mother made him want to break, but he knew that he needed to be there and remain calm for his wife.
"Okay Caroline, he should be out fairly quickly. Pull your legs back, deep breath in and and give me a small push, okay?"
Caroline did what he said and felt her baby move further and further down.
Feeling him move made her cry. She laid her head back and covered her face with her hand.
"James, I can't do this! I can't see him like that!"
"Baby, I know it's hard.. and I'm so sorry. But you have to push, honey.."
James wiped her tears and took her hand in his.
Caroline pushed again and James saw the first glimpse of his son.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
He was so small and so fragile.
The moment he came out, the doctor placed him in his mother's chest.
Caroline let out the loudest and most hurtful cry James has ever heard from her, or from anyone for that matter.
