Rescue Me, My Love

I Need You, Fuqin

Mo JinDe's recovery was slow.  He was weaker than he thought, but his shadow was always with him.  Jinzi followed him everywhere.  JinDe was starting to get a little annoyed.  Girls flocked around him if he went to the lotus pond or the throne room.  He was beginning to think they came because Jinzi was just so darn cute.  He was terribly shy.  When the girls fussed over him he erupted his tails to hide his face.  JinDe would bring his dragon forth to test the waters, but he still felt nothing.  He and Jinzi were walking around the lotus pond when Bai Xue came around the corner.  "Ho, brother!  How are you feeling today?"  "I'm fine."  Bai Xue caught the air of discontent.  "Shall I walk with you a while?"  "Might as well!"  "So, have you been to the training camp yet?  They are talking about you being cut by the soul slayer and surviving.  It might make you feel better.  Want to go over there?"  "I can't."  "Why?"  "Fuqin said don't take Jinzi over there right now."  "Oh I see."  "Jinzi, why don't you let me take you to Fuqin so JinDe can see his men?"  "Fuqin said Jinzi can stay with JinDe.  Jinzi stay."  Bai Xue thought for a moment.  "Chang Shan just sent cake to Shushu.  You could get some to eat if we hurry."  "Jinzi no want cake."  "It's time for JinDe to take his medicine and rest.  Let's take him back to his room now."  JinDe frowned and wondered what Bai Xue was up to.  He decided to just go to his room and maybe get some sleep. 
     Once JinDe took his medicine, he laid down like he was sleepy.  Bai Xue took Jinzi by the hand to lead him out.  He refused.  "Come on, Jinzi, JinDe needs to rest.  Besides, I need to go see Fuqin and I thought you might like to see him too.  Baohu is there with him."  Jinzi looked back at JinDe who had his back turned to the room.  "Ok, Jinzi go."  They walked out together to let JinDe rest.  Bai Xue and Jinzi walked into the courtyard adjoining Mo Yuan's rooms in Xiwu Palace.  Mo Yuan was drinking tea and talking to Donghua Dijun and Bai Qian.  Mo Yuan smiled when he saw Jinzi.  "Jinzi, Dijun wanted to talk to you and Baohu.  I was about to go look for you.  Come here and pay your respects."  Jinzi bowed.  "Jinzi greets Donghua Dijun."  "Come here and answer some questions for me.  When JinDe was wounded, what did you feel when you laid on him to heal him?"  "Jinzi feel like dark place all around."  "Anything else?"  Jinzi looked at Dijun for a moment.  "Jinzi felt like Er ge was leaving.  Like he going far away never come back."  "Baohu, what did you feel?"  Baohu creased his brow into a frown.  He wasn't talking.  Mo Yuan stepped in.  "Baohu, it's important to tell us what you felt.  We need to know if his spirit is damaged."  "Er ge is damaged.  His dragon spirit is hurt.  Dragon wanting to go away and never come back.  Baohu call him not to go.  He missing pieces.  He sick."  "Fuqin, JinDe just took his medicine and laid down to rest.  He did seem tired and rather on edge.  May I speak to you a moment, in private?"  Mo Yuan got up from the table and walked out onto the walkway so they could walk and talk.  "Fuqin, I feel two things in JinDe's spirit.  He is disjointed.  Like he's there but not quite there.  Also, he's rather aggravated that Jinzi is following him everywhere.  I know Jinzi doesn't understand, but you know JinDe would like to use the sympathy from the ladies as a chance to open his dragon to sense a possible mate.  He can't do that with Jinzi stuck to him like glue.  Maybe his frustration is high.  I'm thinking he needs to be evaluated by Zhe Yan or you to see if his dragon is really ill.  Could you keep Jinzi busy for a few days?"  "Yes, I can keep him and Baohu tied up with Dijun for a few days.  I can go look at JinDe now.  Do you wish to come or do you want to wait?"  "I'll wait.  You need to talk to him alone.  Just you and him.  I can sense something is wrong."  "Very well then.  I'll go see him now." 
     Mo Yuan was about to enter JinDe's room to check on him when he heard noises from inside.  He walked in to see JinDe crouched on the floor with his eyes wide.  Mo Yuan thought he was blind.  "JinDe!  It's Fuqin!  What's wrong?  Talk to me!  What's wrong!!"  "Fuqin, take me back to Kunlun.  I can't stay here anymore!  My dragon is dying!  Something is wrong!  What has happened?  Please Fuqin!  Take me to Kunlun!!"  Mo Yuan had never attempted to open a line of communication with Ye Hua before, but he tried it today.  He tried to get him to listen.  "Ye Hua! Ye Hua!  Please feel me!  Please come to me!"  Ye Hua was in a meeting when he doubled over in pain.  His aide Jia Yun ran to his side.  "Where is my Da ge?  Something is wrong!  Take me to him!"  Within minutes Ye Hua was in JinDe's room.  Mo Yuan was also holding his heart.  When Ye Hua touched him the pain eased for them both.  "Da ge?  What's wrong?  I felt you needed me.  And urgently!"  "Ye Hua!  I'm about to take JinDe to Kunlun.  He needs the divine dragon energy that is there.  I need you to take messages to Qian Qian and Dijun.  I'm leaving now.  I will be with JinDe in my dragon den under the mountain.  Send a message to Zhe Yan too.  I will need him.  Tell Qian Qian to bring the twins as soon as she can.  Tell Bai Xue to come to his brother.  Now I must go!"  He grabbed Mo JinDe and the waist and jumped him to Kunlun.
     Chang Shan and Die Feng met Mo Yuan at the entrance to the great hall.  He motioned for them to follow.  He carried JinDe down into the very core of the mountain where his dragon's den was.  He laid JinDe down on the soft fur bed when his dragon erupted.  Mo Yuan examined him closely.  The cut from the soul slayer could be seen on his chest, but instead of healing it was raw and ugly.  "Chang Shan, fire up the cauldron.  Zhe Yan should be here soon.  After you have done that, bring me an energy recovery elixer.  Also bring medicine to clean up this wound and bandages. I've had to jump supersonic several times in the last few days.  My energy is depleted.  Die Feng!  Ready rooms for any guests who may come.  I'll be here with JinDe."  Chang Shan brought the needed articles along with tea for his Shifu.  He was cleaning the wound on JinDe when Zhe Yan arrived.  "Let me scan him before you finish.  Something more is wrong."  Zhe Yan scanned JinDe.  He did a soul searching spell.  He nodded.  "His dragon is in very critical condition.  The soul slayer hit his dragon hard.  We have tended the human but not the dragon.  He should be ok in a few days.  His soul is intact.  I will make the elixers now and we can clean and dress that wound.  We will let him rest here.  Where is Bai Xue?  He could aide his brother."  "Bai Xue should be here shortly.  Ye Hua was passing around my messages since I had no time.  I jumped JinDe here right away."  "I will keep watch.  Go get some rest."
     Mo Yuan had just come into the great hall when Bai Xue arrived carrying Baohu and Jinzi.  He didn't have to look hard to see the little boys were distressed.  "Bai Xue, I need you to go to my dragon den.  Zhe Yan is there with JinDe.  You two boys come with me."  The boys followed Mo Yuan to sit down and have tea.  "You two boys keep a lot of secrets.  It's time for you both to stop the pretenses and be frank and honest.  If you don't wish to be honest with me, then I will leave you both with Donghua Dijun for six months with no contact with anyone other than Dijun.  Am I clear?"  They both looked at each other.  Baohu looked at his father and frowned.  "Fuqin,...". " Enough Baohu!  It's time for you to speak.  I know you can.  Your refusal to do so creates tension and sometimes confusion because of you popping into someone's mind at an inopportune moment.  Although I am proud of your ability to mind talk, there is an appropriate time and place to use it.  Now speak or be silent!  Now Jinzi, why didn't you tell me that JinDe's dragon was in distress?  He could have died if we had been just a little later.  You have been stuck to him like a leech.  You should have known.  It's now time for you boys to be in the classroom.  It's time to get serious about your studies."  "Fuqin... Baohu is sorry for fooling Fuqin.  I don't want to study.  I want to go where you go."  Mo Yuan was watching closely.  For Baohu to admit he could talk was a big breakthrough.  "There is no reason you can't do that, Baohu, except when I go to war.  When you are older, then you can go too, but as you can see, Fuqin could not protect JinDe.  You must learn to handle your weapons and spells.  That takes learning.  Agreed?"  "Yes Fuqin!" 
     Bai Xue walked into the cave where JinDe was laying.  He transformed and lay where he could wrap himself around his brother.  JinDe let out a long sigh.  "Why don't you leave?  I'm no good to anybody.  Just go and leave me in peace!"  "No, JinDe, I won't leave.  Now be quiet and rest.  I'm staying for a while.  We can both rest here and cultivate too."  "Suit yourself."  JinDe sighed again and got quiet.  Bai Xue went into meditation mode and left him to his thoughts.  Three hours later Bai Xue awoke and probed his brother.  He was asleep so he decided to go get something to eat and talk to their father.  He grabbed a bite and went to his father's study.  He knocked on the door.  "Enter."  He bowed and sat down.  "Fuqin, JinDe is suffering depression again.  He didn't want me to stay with him.  I'm guessing this is because his dragon was not healed, but he should be fine.  What could be wrong?"  "I was about to go see him and take Baohu and Jinzi to see him.  Surely he wouldn't reject them?"  Mo Yuan was concerned.  Ever since his trial, JinDe had been depressed and was easily shaken.  He had to try to help him, if he could, or find someone who could.  "I will go now."  After finding Baohu and Jinzi, Mo Yuan made his way to the heart of the mountain with them.  The little boys started to climb onto him, but he was rude and knocked them off.  "Get off, can't you see I'm injured?  Go away!"  Jinzi, being sensitive, curled up his lip and bawled.  Baohu spoke into his mind.  "Er ge, you not hurt that bad!  Why you mean!"  "GET OUT!  I don't want you here!  Now go!"  Mo Yuan stepped forward with the clouds of anger on his brow.  "Mo JinDe!  You will not be rude or crass to your brothers!  They only wanted to see if you were doing better!  Jinzi could heal your wound for you.  What exactly is bothering you?"  JinDe turned his back to them and rolled up in a coil.  He spoke not another word to them.  Mo Yuan turned and left in a high temper.  He would get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did!
     That night he was pacing his room while Bai Qian watched him.  The more he paced, the madder he got.  She got up and wrapped her arms around his waist.  "Care to tell me what's wrong?  You're wearing a hole in the floor with all this pacing."  "I'm trying to think of a way to break JinDe out of his depression.  He can't keep on like this.  I don't even know what has happened to throw him over the edge.  He threw Baohu and Jinzi out today.  He actually turned his back and spoke not another word.  If we can't break him out of it, I'm afraid he will go into seclusion for years or worse yet, seek death.  We have to try everything we can."  "I will go talk to him tomorrow.  Maybe he will talk to me.  Now come to bed.  I have a promise that's been sitting on the shelf.  Or had you forgotten?"  "Fox tails and dragon scales?"  "Yes indeed!  Now come here you lusty dragon!"  She erupted her tails and removed her clothes.  He growled and tore his off to pounce on the bed, grab her and jump to the hot pool.
     The next morning, Bai Qian walked into the cave where JinDe was.  He was still coiled with his back turned.  It was dark and the cave was musty smelling.  With a wave of her hand she lit all the candles and lit some incense holders in his favorite scent.  She walked over and touched JinDe on his back.  "JinDe, can you tell mother what's bothering you?  I know your wound is healing and you are doing well.  Zhe Yan said you would be healed in another week.  Care to share your feelings?"  JinDe moaned and sighed.  "Why can't you all just leave me alone?  Can't you see I don't want to talk, I dont want to see anyone, I just want to rest here.  Maybe forever.  I just want to be alone.  I'm worthless anyway.  What good am I to anyone.  Now please leave.  I'm through talking."  He spoke not another word.
     JinDe had sunken into a very deep pit of despair.  While in the nine heavens, he had heard the women talking about him.  How he was fated to be alone, fated to die, fated to always fail to protect those he loved the most, fated to be a totally worthless man.  In his own mind, he didn't need much to put him in that pit.  He was living his trial.  He was of no use to anyone.  He transformed into his human form.  He trudged through the mountain up to the hall.  It was quiet for now, but it was close to dinner.  He slowly walked to his room to retrieve his dagger.  What good is this life?  What good am I to anyone?  What good?  I'm a disgrace to Fuqin, an embarrassment to mother, a worthless warrior who can't even get over a simple wound, a man no woman wants in her bed.  What good?!?  He walked toward the hot pools slowly.  Die Feng saw him come out of his room fingering the dagger and heading to the pools.  He went to get Mo Yuan as fast as he could safely carry himself. 
     Die Feng was desperate by the time he found his Shifu.  He was running up from the cave.  "Shifu!  Shifu!  Please go to the hot pools!  Mo JinDe is headed there with a dagger in his hand!  We have to stop him!!!"  "Go get his mother and the twins!  Hurry and meet me there!"  Mo Yuan jumped to the pools.  JinDe had removed all of his robes and was laying naked in the pool.  He had cut both of his wrists and was about to cut his own throat when his father caught his arm and disarmed him.  He dropped his arms while Mo Yuan called his name.  "Mo JinDe!  JinDe!  My son!!  JinDe!  Please talk to me!  JinDe!!"  Blood was pouring out his wrists as his father lifted him out of the pool.  He laid him on the grass and was healing one wrist when Jinzi came around the corner running for dear life.  He grabbed his brother's wrist and healed it.  JinDe's eyes were glazed over.  Jinzi jumped onto his brother's chest and started slapping both sides of his face with his little hands.  Mo Yuan covered his naked body with his robe while Jinzi was slapping him.  Baohu came to his side.  "Er ge, why you this way?  Can't you see we need you?"  Bai Qian fell beside him and laid on him.  "JinDe, my son!  My brave son!  Mo Yuan go get Zhe Yan!  Quickly!  Look at JinDe's eyes!  Something else is wrong!"  Mo Yuan jumped so fast the ground shook.  Chang Shan had the cauldron fired up and tea ready when he came back with Zhe Yan.  Everyone was waiting in the hall.
     Bai Qian was feeding energy to JinDe when he arrived.  Mo Yuan picked him up and carried him to his meditation cave.  Something flashed across JinDe's eyes as Mo Yuan laid him down.  "Zhe Yan, what could possibly have my son in such a state!  He tried to kill himself!  It has to have something to do with that cursed trial.  He's never really come to terms with it.  Could it have something to do with it?"  "Let me scan him.  His energy is scrambled and it's all over the place.  I'll need to realign him.  Bai Xue!  Come sit by your brother while I make the elixer I need."  Bai Xue for once wished he could read minds.  He looked up at his father.  "Fuqin, read his mind!"  Mo Yuan was unsure about it.  "Bai Xue, I'm not sure I can handle it."  "Fuqin, you have to, or call Donghua Dijun to do it!  Please?"  Mo Yuan gathered his thoughts and tried to enter JinDe's thought.  His mind was unsteady and thoughts were flying around like a whirlwind.  He sorted through them one by one until he came upon one train of thought in the very back of his mind.  "You will kill yourself.  You're worthless.  You have always been reckless and putting others in danger.  You can't even get a woman.  You will kill yourself.  You will kill yourself.  Your father hates your weakness.  You will kill yourself!"  He withdrew his mind and coughed up blood.  He was shaking like a leaf.  "Someone is in his mind and they sound like me.  Someone is tampering with his mind, but who?  Who would do such a thing?"