Bereft (h.s)

42. Close.

i don't want to put the song she's writing yet until she completely writes it but iykyk. such a good one :,)

Chapter 42

Alycia's Pov.

I told Harry I was just going to go to my dads by myself if that was alright. It's not that I didn't want Harry to meet my dad, it's just that my dad and I's relationship is rocky.

He more than understood. He was very kind honestly. He knew I was nervous and he even offered to ride with me there and wait in the car but I told him i'd be fine. It's crazy to me that he was so understanding. I'm just not used to it I guess.

I'm happy that he didn't come though. Because I just left. I spent a total of 15 minutes at my dads house. I was a couple hours later than I thought because after lunch this morning, we all just walked around once we got away from paparazzi.

Matt, Ru, and I showed Harry and Sierra some places we used to love. It was fun and honestly really relaxing.

By the time we got back, Harry and I didn't really have a chance to talk everything out because I needed to get to my dads. He just asked if I was okay and I told him I was nervous. Like I said, he offered to join but I told him I was alright.

I don't wanna go straight back to our room. Our flight leaves at 11 tonight and it's 6:45 right now. I didn't think my dad would already be drunk but he was and I just wasn't in the mood to put up with any of that.

I stayed for as short of a period of time as I could. I was polite and everything but seeing him like that just brought back really bad memories and I needed to get out of there.

I don't wanna go back to our hotel yet though because I know Harry will think something happened and it honestly really didn't. I just didn't want to be there.

I went too late and that's my fault.

I asked the Uber to drop me off at Central Park because it's right by the hotel we're staying at. I can just walk from there.

I kinda wanted to just be alone for a second. Maybe finish writing that song I started the other day.

One thing New York also always reminds me of is the fact that I used to smoke. Not weed, but cigarettes. No one really knows that but Matt. When we met, we both were literal chainsmokers. I quit when I moved to LA. He did too.

The Uber parked on the side of the road and I thanked him before getting out.

I ran across the street to the newspaper stand and did something I probably shouldn't have.

I bought a pack of cigarettes.

I won't start again. I just want to try it again right now. Not even that I want to try it, I just need it.

This trip has been full of super high highs and today was just...low. I enjoyed spending the middle of the day with everyone walking around. However, Harry and I argued as soon we woke up and then my dad just really brought up some old memories I didn't want to reminisce on.

I grabbed the lighter I had in my purse, it's used for weed purposes only, and lit up one.

I felt the familiar feel as I inhaled it and...I didn't like it. At all.