Bereft (h.s)

76. Some Are.

(double update, read chapter 75 first!) :)

***

Chapter 76

Harry's Pov.

"Yeah I like that." I agreed as I sat in the recording booth.

"Okay...now re-do just that line." Kid said through the mic on the other side and I put the headphone back over my ear as the music started back up.

"You sunshine, you temptress...my hands at risk, I fold." I sang into the mic.

He cut the music and we critiqued it a bit before I put the headphone back on and sang the next part into the mic.

"Crisp trepidation...I'll try to shake this soon.
Spreading you open...is the only way of knowing you." I sang and I felt all the emotions start to come back up as I sang these words.

I've had this song for quite some time but it's just been to hard for me to sing it. Even just in the studio with few people. It's been hard.

The past six months have been hard.

I thought there was no way that Alycia and I were really over...but we haven't spoke since.

I'm not really sure why I haven't tried to reach out. I've wanted to. Every single fucking day. But it was just something in me telling me to stop. To let her be happy and move on.

I know I hurt her really badly. After that day she left my tour...it was never the same. I did damage that could never be undone. And I know she needed to heal from that. She couldn't do that with me around.

I regret not going with her to New York. I was just fighting a battle in my head. I wanted to be with her. I didn't like the thought of her breaking my heart...so I left. My hands were at risk...so I folded.

I let go of it all.

I haven't not thought about her a day that's went by since.

I know she's in England. She's touring here I saw. I've listened to every single one of her songs on her album. It's been my daily shuffle the past month.

I'm so happy for her success.

She's so private so I don't even know how she is. I don't speak to Matt as much as I did before just because we've both been so busy so I haven't been able to really ask about her either.

However, he's coming in here to the studio tomorrow. Apparently he's been with Alycia on this UK part of her tour. He's working with a few people here this whole week but tomorrow he's coming in here to work with me.

I'm excited honestly.

I've been back in London for a month and it's been nice. I've gotten to see my mum and Gemma a lot more. As well as some friends.

My mum and Gemma both know all about Alycia. It's a shame they didn't get to meet her. My mom loves her and she doesn't even know her.

I've been writing a lot. She's been quite the inspiration.

I went through a really rough time for the rest of the tour. I missed her. I just felt...incomplete. I don't know. I'm a secure person and I know how to be alone but I've just missed her.

I haven't relapsed on coke or pills. I've been doing good in terms of that. I've just been going through it a bit mentally. I'm better now though.

I haven't been with anyone since Alycia. What we did that night at her apartment before the morning she left for New York...that's all the action i've gotten since.

I don't mind it. It's been kind of refreshing. I don't really want to start over with anyone new. Not now at least. I just don't see it working for me. I just...can't see myself with someone that isn't her. And maybe that will pass and i'll get on with my life in that way. But i'm not going to force it.

Mitch and Sarah tried to set me up on a blind date with one of their friends. They literally begged me. It was about three or four weeks ago. It was a week after I got back to London. She was a lovely girl and I had a good time but...it wasn't gonna work. I didn't think it was any point in continuing anything on. I didn't even kiss her. It was a fun time but i've only seen her once since then. I went out with Mitch and Sarah and she was there. We spoke for a bit and I think we both realized it's just a friendly thing.

Mitch knows more than anyone now how I've felt about the whole situation with Alycia. Mostly just because he writes with me. He reads between the lines and figures it all out. I know he just wants me to be happy and move on.

I am happy though. I mean, i'm content at least. I miss her. I think most people kind of know that but, i'm okay. I really am.

I'm sure i'll see her again one day. I hope at least.

I know some things just aren't meant to last forever. But then again...some are.

________________________________