That Winter You Came (Completed)

episode 8

Your memory doesn't order the past with certainty and with justice.
It would give something of huge deal just a tiny space the size of a word. the size of a feeling. But would give someone's laughter .. Someone's touch, Someone's promise, much more than their real value.
And for someone like that who invades every inch of your memory .. You'll need much more than the years you're offered in life to clean his traces.
The first time Rayan touched me. Would be in the spring of our first year in highschool.
I remember The car horns were echoing around us.. Rayan was cursing the car driver who almost hit me .. And was shouting at me for not paying enough attention.
_" you could have died" He said coldly once he turned to look at me.
But i didn't really pay attention to that. All i cared about was his hand that was resting on my shoulder .. the bag of bread and cookies he dropped on the ground to save me. And his bare foot because his slippers fell when he tried to reach me so fast.
Unlike all the firsts we had before.. In the first time he touched me, he wasn't so indifferent to my existence.
Instead .. He looked worried.
_" i'm fine" i barely hushed.
He then let go of me ..put his slipper back on,  Collected the bread and cookies from the ground and cursed:
_" @$%& .. I have to buy new ones now"
He  then turned to look at me coldly again and said:
_" you should be more careful "
He continued walking back to the neighbourhood's store after that leaving me staring at his back in stray.
Even after so many years.
I still remember the silver car .. The old driver and the piercing sound of the horn.
But what i can't forget the most .. Is Rayan's back when he walked farther.
In the spring of 2008 .. All girls were wearing white tight pants. And crazy tops.
The students white blouses barely reached the length of their sweaters. So all boys sure enjoyed the beautiful view of the full and even slender legs while girls walked.
And that is exactly why when i got back home from the store i heard my brother shouting:
_" no way .. Absolutely not!"
Because my younger sister worn the white famous pants.
_" what's wrong with you! .. Let the girl wear what she wants!!" My mother objected.
Like always .. Taking her side.
My mother wasn't so "fortunate" with me. I wasn't as tall as she wanted me to be.
Not so beautiful like she wished.. Nor had the smartest brain she would brag about.
But god bless my younger sister.. Only one year younger than me . but that is the only thing i had more than her .. Age.
And Mama sure knows what should be treasured and what should be dealt with like an extra.
My brother gave my sister half a look and shouted:
_" am i a no-man to you!! How can i let her walk in the street wearing that!"
I looked at my sister too and agreed:
_" he has a reason Mama .. Her clothes aren't convenient"
_" you shut up! .. Do you even know a first thing about fashion!. God .. Everytime i look at the way you put your scarf i want to throw up!" My sister interrupted me.
_"stop you both.. She's my daughter and i have no objection about her clothes. God bless my Mimi .. She's so beautiful like the face of moon" my mother objected.
My mother never knew how to raise a child.
My brother was barely standing two feet away from drugs and alcohol.
I had so much of depression and stress i could end up losing my sanity if it wasn't for god's mercy.
Our younger brother.. Well, on the steps of his older brother.
And Mimi .. I don't even want to talk about her.
My brother looked at both the women in disgust and hushed:
_" let's see where this spoiling would lead her"
He then put on his light jacket and slammed the door behind him after he left the house.
He didn't even have his breakfast.
And Mama was so busy admiring my sister's reflexion in the mirror to notice that.
_" i'm going to school now" i shouted.
But no answer came.
So i just held my bag and went out of the house.
Wearing blue jeans.. Wondering if i should buy those white pants too.
We had a late morning class that day .. So i walked comfortably to school at 9:30am, the only girl in the street with a school blouse.
I barely enjoyed those moments of seldom when Mimi suddenly called my name before i reached the end of the street.
I turned to look at her .. she ran towards me, held my arm and started dragging me with her.
" i'm going to the highschool with you today" she said with a smile.
_" what? .. Are you skipping your school!!" I asked displeased.
And to that .. She just fixed the tresses of her blond, newly dyed hair and explained:
_" if i'm still at home until now that can only mean i already skipped school you stupid. I want to go to highschool to see my future life" 
I bet on my life she's going there to meet some boy.
But who am i to interfere .. Mama always forbade us from saying a word to her precious daughter.
When we were close enough to my highschool .. She let go of my hand like if she was arming a dead snake. And then started walking away from me.
Probably embarrassed of my company.
When i finally reached my highschool after her,  i already found her arming some boy from my class.
His nickname was Maifa or Maifda. I don't really remember exactly. But what i'm sure of is that i thought his nickname was silly just like his character.
Just like my sister's
If you ask me weather seeing them together surprised me at that time  .. I shall say no, it didn't .
And if you ask me weather i regret not doing a thing nor saying a word about that .. I should say "no" too.
As much as i loved my sister .. I hated her.
And inside the twist of my emotions . i chose not to act like a sister should.
And that maybe was the best thing i ever did to her .. Because the one learns better from his own mistakes.
I saw Yassmine standing a bit far from me.. Her class having a late schedule too, So i waved to her.
She  walked towards me soon her eyes fell on me .. And said:
_" i heard you tried to suicide this morning but Rayan saved you."
I looked at her astonished and asked:
_" who said that?"
It literally happened about half an hour before that.
But in such a town were we lived. I shouldn't have been surprised with the power of gossip.
Yassmine sighed and continued:
_" everyone is talking about it .. I don't know if you have any idea about this but everyone thinks you have some mental issues"
_" they are wrong .. My only problem is them" i explained.
_" i know, but you should explain this to them too. But what happened?"
I didn't answer her .. I was busy watching Maifa's hand exploring my sister's tight pants.
Yassmine followed my gaze and asked disgusted:
_" why are you staring at Maifa? Are you crushing on that bag of trash?"
_" no, i'm staring at the girl standing beside him"
_" yes, total slut" she nodded.
That's how people saw my mother's beautiful daughter after all.
A slut.
When i finally went to my class and Yassmine left to hers.. One of my classmates finally found the chance to say:
_" the sluts of nowadays.. One throws her self on a car for a man to save her. And her sister throws her self on the man directly"
I can never forget the piecing laughters that came after that lame comment.
Nor the mocking gazes.
With the 16 me reflexion .. I turned to look at Rayan to see if he heard what she said.
Like always ..
He was burying his head in a book . his japanese styled hair at the time covering half his face.
And like always..
He didn't care the least.
When i came back home that evening .. The first thing i received at the door was a slap from my mother.
She didn't even say hi . nor asked how i was..
The first thing she said after slapping me was:
_" how could you let your sister come with you to your highschool"
I took off my shoes .and my light jacket .
I walked inside the house but before i even reached the living room my mother grabbed me from my scarf and made me turn to look at her.
You see, we fix scarfs with needles . when she grabbed me choking me with it she didn't think that one of them might end up stabbing me.
Because all she cared about was my sister.
_" i didn't take her with me.. She came by her self!" I shouted.
So she slapped me again.. And said:
_" you're the eldest and you should have stopped her"
I looked at my mother . without a single emotion and said:
_" i hate you"
And i meant it.
She slapped me for the third time. And then went to the living room.
I didn't shed a tear right then .. But i cried awfully that night.
You know why?
Because when i asked my little brother weather Mama hit my sister too he said:
_"no"
And when i asked him what she said to her instead, he replied:
_" she told her not to do it again" 
Until this very moment,  i still can't look at my mother without remembering those slaps.
I still treat her badly, and i often made her cry..
It's not that i am an ungrateful child.
But..
Because our memories are unjust,
My affection towards my mother died that day.
The next morning i stole my sister's white pants and cut them with scissors
My brother, rather shocked than angry didn't say a thing.
And i, slapped my sister when she started yelling at me.
_"what happened to you!" My mother asked displeased holding my sister's face between her palms and checking it.
So i smiled and said:
_" cheh" ( serves you right)
On my way to highschool. I found Rayan..
He was standing at the side of the street waiting to cross it.
His headphones in his ears, The sound of breaking rock coming from those law quality headphones at that time.
I stood behind him. Taking advantage of the fact he couldn't hear me i said:
_" you should have let me die, no one cares about my life"
And those words were the most honest i ever said to him.
He crossed the street after that without even turning to look at me.
But .. He suddenly stopped in the middle of the street.
Turned to look at me and came back for me.

He looked at me with anger in his eyes, That not even those Japanese long bangs could hide.
I was so shocked that i stood there frozen just looking at him.
His face turned red .. And his breathes became heavier.
He snatched the headphones from his ears.
Looked at me and said: 
_" because no one cares about us now, we deserve to live and find someone who will" 
He was so angry that i was surprised to hear such words from him.
He stuffed his headphones in the pocket of his blouse 
And then he raised his head to look at me again.
The 16 years old him .. Was the most beautiful man my eyes has ever seen.
_"ok?" He suddenly asked.
So i just nodded stupidly.
He turned again .. And walked away.
Leaving my heart beating so fast i wished he realized that i cared about him that much.