That Winter You Came (Completed)

Episode 39

Why does a hospital look a place for joy when you're walking beside your lover?
How can water have a taste with him?
Why does happiness seem endless?
Those questions knocked my head repeatedly when walking side to side with Rayan.
He talked about his school. He said he barely has time to sleep and has to work to buy all the materials he uses to build the little building models.
_" it's exhausting .. Sometimes i wonder why i chose it .. But then i admit to my self that i would have chosen the same major if i lived my past again"
Speaking of a past, a girl always wishes that her ex would show some regret.
And thus i so "not purposefully" and "innocently" asked:
_"if you had the chance to go back in time .. What would you change?"
He gave my question little thinking .. And then he answered:
_"i have so many things to change, but if i had to choose one thing .. I would change my greatest regret"
We walked few steps silently.
In my head i thought that his biggest regret was something revolving his family, his studies.. Maybe his biggest regret was meeting me.
Having those ideas in my head made it so hard for me to finally ask:
_" what is your greatest regret?"
Looking at my face he must have noticed how uneasy i was.
So he teasingly acted like he gave my question a lot of thinking..and then he answered:
_" i regret quitting wrestling.. If i continued training i would have kept those good muscles to impress you"
I looked at him with a cold face. There i was acting so serious and he tells me that the biggest thing he regrets is quitting wrestling!!
He bursted in laughter looking at me.
I gave him a punch in the air and frowned:
_" i'm asking seriously!"
_"but you know the answer to that, don't you?" He said.
He stopped walking .. locked his eyes with mine and answered:
_" that day after the party of BAC.."
And my heart hurt me right away.
That was the day when he told me that i was disbanded from his "college plans" .. That he was going to join a school i wouldn't even dare to dream about.
The painful part was when i walked away convinced that he didn't even love me even one of a thousand i did. He just let me leave thinking like that and devastated.
That day was the start of our ending.
Looking at me he continued:
_" I regret letting you go like that. I wished i'd relive that moment so many times i lost count of them .. I regret not holding your hands tight and asking you to stay. .. I regret not convincing you enough that i loved you more than anything. You shameless .. I regret not convincing you the most"
Just one look at him and i felt guilty as hell.
He walked closer to me .. And he looked at me with reproach in his eyes.
We both regretted that moment.
He suggested:
_" let's not talk about sad memories today. Let's just have fun"
And he started walking away again.
We both heard a phone ringing then.
Rayan reached his hand to his pocket and talked to the other party frustrated.
I looked at his back, and i didn't want us to stop talking there .. I had so many scars on my memories of him for years because all our talks finished at the middle without us fully understanding each other.
In my memory he was disfigured and distorted because i took so many things wrongly. Since he never explained enough.
He hung up the phone and then he walked back to me.. And apologized right away:
_" it seems that we're having a sudden test in an hour from now. I have to hurry back to college right away.. I'm so sorry"
I nodded.
_" we'll meet again soon?" He asked hesitated.
So i did the right thing .. I shook my head.
_" come back when you're ready" i said.
He nodded. Greeted me goodbye .. And then started running.
But before he's far enough, I took a deep breath .. And then i yelled:
_" i want to ask you something"
He turned to look at me .. Breathing hard he nodded.
So i yelled the question that tormented me for so long:
_"why couldn't you trust me?"
He thought for sometime .. And then he shouted:
_"because i loved you, Even when i know you loved someone else i still loved you.. You always loved Salim, didn't you? ..Keep waiting for me, i'll come back and prove to you that i can love you enough for both of us"
And then he started running before i even said a word.
Looking at his back i started laughing ..seriously.
Only at that moment, i realised why the silly him called me a liar and untrustworthy. Two faced.
Because along all these years.. No matter what i did, He only believed a lie i said in a moment of embarrassment.
To cover the truth.
That day in class .. 5 years ago. "That i really loved Salim"
Telling a story from one side is the worst, isn't it? .
If this same story was told by Rayan he would have talked about the girl he always loved, and who loved someone else.
He would talk about all those days he saw her eating lunch with the one she loved and how he chose to step on his heart and stay there.
He would talk about how miserable she was after breaking up with him..how she blamed him for that.
How she desperately tried to make Salim jealous using him. By offering lunch and walking him home.
How she always tried to seduce other men.
He always thought, just like Yassmine and Layla, that i went out with him for fun.
That i joked about loving him for fun.
If it was Rayan who told our story, You would have hated me all along thinking that even in our last day in high school i chose to dump Rayan to Go to Salim instead.
That's what Badro and Imad thought.. That was what our class thought too.
When you love someone so much .. It's hard to believe that he can love you back as much as you did.
And just like us, you can end up spending years thinking that you had a one-sided love.
Looking at his back i was finally convinced that Rayan would definitely come back for me.
But the next winter he does.. I'll tell him all the truth.