That Winter You Came (Completed)

season 3: Episode 8

"Don't get so proud in love" .. I have always circled and twisted around this advice.
In my countless moments of love i have given up my pride for love, and i have given up love for my pride too. still i didn't get the happiness i wished for..
Those who give you advice can never know better, since they were never put in your shoes. So in the game of my love.. i decided to play on my terms.
I was put in a situation where i had to consider my pride once again on the lunch table. As it turned out to be i was not invited there as Rayan's long girlfriend nor his future wife, rather i was invited to be informed indirectly that all those titles i held were being replaced.
You see.. That day God landed his miracle on Rayan.. The man who barely says two words to form a full sentence usually was suddenly so motivated to speak to the point where he didn't spare us a moment of silence, during all that _i, particularly_ had no word to say since he spoke about his major, how amazing and supportive those people were, and how -in his early years- he wouldn't have survived college without their help. 
I didn't want to look at him while he was telling a lie after another, because if i know one thing about him then that is if he's thrown in a desert he will survive for years alone.. If he's thrown in the middle of ocean he will swim to the shore like a freaking fish.
That man is needless of people for certain, so in my heart i knew he was making all the fuss only to please a certain person.. And for the first time since i met him.. That certain person was not me.
I kept looking at that girl's face .. At the smile on it and those sparkling eyes looking at my man.
She blushed .. Smiled.. Sulked, played with the food on her plate and loved him.
She loved him..
My stomach felt sick .. And my heart was suffocated inside. But i wasn't going to let that show anyways.. I silently ate the food in my plate like if it was my last meal on earth although i had no appetite. I tried to ignore Rayan and opened small talks with Yassmine and Imad. I smiled .. And pretended like if i was unharmed.
I guess i was a so good of an actor, because that second friend of Rayan's called Hichem if i wasn't mistaken suddenly commented: 
_"miss Nadia if you don't mind me saying this you are legendary in our college even when you're not even a student there .. All freshman students are motivated to come to college to have a chance to see you, all boys are ready to get stubbed by needles and bleed to death just to have you nurse them, if i had known that Rayan was nothing but a brother like to you i would have kneeled on the ground and gave you my heart since long" 
Although his words were clearly fake flatteries .. I sill looked at him with a smile and replied: 
_" if i knew i had luck like this .. I wouldn't have chased someone my self, i would have waited to be chased instead" 
Imad who was ignoring it the whole time finally found a chance to talk.. He folded his strong arms. Raised his dark straight thick eyebrow and said:
_" this girl although was always an eyesore to girls .. She never lacked men, still she has failed to choose the best for her" 
_" indeed" i said smiling .. "Indeed" i repeated in hurt.
Imad then pushed his chair .. And standing up he said: 
_" congratulations again Rayan .. I wish i could stay more kho but i have things to sort urgently" 
I observed him walking around the table coming my direction startled.. His dark eyes were steady and had no emotions. 
He finally came to a stop beside me .. Held the basket of biscuit i made for rayan that was resting on the table in front of my dish and said in a soft tone: 
_" let's go Nadia" 
I followed him immediately out of the restaurant without even thinking it, i bed farewell to Rayan's friends. And not even looking at that man i loved direction i walked out of there following Imad's steps.
The heat and the burning sunshine hit us the moment we walked out of there. And although i consumed all my fake smiles inside the restaurant i still managed to make a straight line with my lips and hush: 
_" thank you Imad" 
Imad although looks distant and reserved on the surface, he still had the warmest heart.
If it wasn't for this kindness.. He would have chased after the woman he loved for years and wouldn't have loved her in silence and hiding.
He looked at me shaking his head and explained: 
_" let's just say it this way .. If i stayed there few more minutes i would have ended up punching Rayan in the face, or Badro would " 
_"i sure will" Badro's voice came interrupting us immediately .. And then he appeared holding yasmine's hand.
She tapped on my shoulder with her free hand and said: 
_" we were only calm to give you face, otherwise we were all ready to punch him for you!" 
_" let's go have fun some place else.. It's very rare that we meet anyways" Imad added.
He seemed calm and unperturbed, but once the couple started walking in front of us his eyes were only looking at their crossed hands with an undoubted sad eyes.
I would never have his strength nor i'll understand the pain he felt.
Still looking at him always brings my heart more comfort .. And reminds me that love isn't paradise for others too.
_" i'm tired" i hushed walking beside Imad .. Only him could hear me.
_" should i just let go?" 
_" you never actually held anything to be honest .. You chased him, but never held him tight when you could" 
_" are you his friend or mine! In this situation you are supposed to say that a girl should have pride and never chase after a boy!" I added angry.
_"i'm both your friend and His Nadia, and i see things from both sides .. He has his shortcomings and so do you, he was a dumb today but so were you In many times .. He isn't the best for you, but you're not the best for him either"
I was unsure of his words at that time .. Once he finished talking i spent a very long time trying to analyse them to see how that could help me with anything.
I knew that Rayan and i were not the best match.. That was clear like the eye of the sun since day one. But does that mean that i should just let go? 
I would have given up in high school maybe and moved on from my crush towards him if there was not a day when he looked at me and said that he loved me too.
How can i let go after that miracle? 
_" i think it's time we go back to the restaurant again" badro suddenly said stopping in the middle of the street.
Imad looked at me again smiling and said : 
_" you'll get your answer now " 
And before i even get what they all were implying Yassmine circled my shoulders with her arm and pushed me to walk back with her.
The boys were laughing and mimicking what Rayan had said in the restaurant while following us.. before badro suddenly said amused: 
_" see .. I know that dumb like i know my hands and he thinks no one knows him!" 
Yassmine leaned on my ear and hushed: 
_" look at your right side" 
And once i did that my heart almost stopped.
There he was .. "Rayan Amer" .. Walking up the long street in the heat .. Searching everywhere with his eyes.
Looking like a lost dog..
And once his eyes looked up at the end of the ascending street and spotted us he stopped searching.
And looked at me exactly ..
When he walked closer his breaths were heavy and quick.
I bet Badro chose to walk us in the opposite direction of the bus station on purpose, to make it harder for Rayan to guess where we went.
They knew he'd follow .. And i, who thought i knew him best, didn't..
When he finally caught us, he kept looking at me with his face red and sweaty not even saying a word.
Imad walked towards him, patted his shoulder and said: 
_" we'll be waiting at the bus station"
And just like that .. All three walked away, and i was left with Rayan who was still looking at me not saying a word.
_" do you want to break up?" I asked after sometime.
_"No" 
_" so what was that in the restaurant! Why are you bringing your secret admirer for me to see!" 
_" i wanted to make you jealous" 
_"what?" 
I asked.. Eying him like he was the most stupid person on earth.
_" are you serious? Do you know how wrong and sick this is? To me and to that girl as well" 
_" i wasn't thinking well" 
_" how could you not think well? You? Rayen Amer can't think well?" 
_" because i love you that's why!" He shouted.
The street was almost empty at that time and weather .. Still i could see some faces peeping eyes behind the window curtains in that alley's houses.
We were definitely very loud and sightly.. Still i couldn't care less about them.
I looked at the angry expression on the face of the person standing in front of me and looking about to melt under the sun and i sincerely asked: 
_"what is the matter?" 
Although i collected all the calm nerves i still had to give him face and try to get a proper explanation. The distant person in front of me still coldly answered: 
_"i was at fault today.. Let's go to the bus station before we get a heat stroke" 
_"i will go by my self .. I don't need you to accompany me, you can go back to your dear friends and express more gratitude to them" 
_"Nadia" Rayan hushed sighing .. Closing his eyes shut and squeezing the sides of his nose with his fingers.
_" i expect an explanation the next time we talk" 
He opened his eyes to look at me again, so i eyed him coldly and finished:
_" goodbye Rayan" 
I must say that i was never the kind of person who had a GPS installed in his head, to be more precise my sense of directions might as well be compared to that of a 6 years old boy who barely remembers the ways he's already familiar with.
When i walked in a fit of anger leaving rayan behind i wasn't really thinking where i was heading until i found my self stuck in a dead road after some quality time of walking.
In fact what woken me up to this discovery wasn't even the tight street that was coming to a near end, instead it was the buzzing of my phone inside my bag.
Taking a look at my surrounding as i was getting my phone out to see who was calling, i found out that i had not a first clue where i was standing.
It was Yassmine who was calling..
_" where are you ? We're all waiting at the bus station.. Rayan said you should have long reached by now!" 
_" i don't know where i am" i answered honestly.
_" how is it that you don't know where you are! Are you ok?" 
_" i just kept walking in daze and now i'm somewhere .. I'll be heading back right now" 
_" are you ok though?" 
_" yes.. I'll be hanging now, i'll be there in a bit" i hurriedly said before i cut the call and burried my phone again in the bag.
I barely walked two streets and still was clueless where i was when my phone started buzzing again.
It was rayan that time round..
I thought that despite being angry with him it was still inappropriate of me not to answer his call and make him lose face in front of everyone, because if i understood what Yasmine had implied right then Rayan had joined them already and was waiting. So i barely managed to pick up his call before it cut. The calm voice that had a bit of husky tone to it said immediately from the other end: 
_"are you ok? You haven't eaten nor drunk anything good just now.. Are you having a sun stroke?" 
He seemed like he was sharing his line of thinking with me. 
And although i wasn't in the best conditions and had a burdened heart because of him, still i had the face to ask in mischief: 
_"how? Were you observing me the whole time?" 
_"...." 
I looked at few buildings around me, but i still failed to familiarise my self with my surroundings when his voice said: 
_"i'm sorry" 
It was very rare to hear it from him.. I was out of words for a moment when he added:
_"the words i said earlier were far from being true, in this life i'm undoubted mostly to you. You are the most important person for me" 
I was already dumbstruck that day by hearing him say "sorry" .. And these words served nothing but to top my confused state and make my heart beats faster..
_" Rayan.. " i hushed.
Still that man who weirdly was very chatty that day hurriedly interrupted again: 
_" i thought it so much already .. I think i should just explain it now before we meet again".. " i saw a man talking with you few days earlier, and although i know it was nothing i still wondered if i back off from this love would it be easy for you to let go and find someone else so soon" 
_"Rayan you moron! .. How can you even think this way! I'm going to hang up before i throw my phone to the street and broke it to a million pieces!" 
_"Nadia .. I realised today that i can never back off, i will stay until you kick me out of your life .. I've already reached a no return stage" 
Hearing the voice of that man i came to many realizations as well, the first was he totally ignored the fact that i was still lost somewhere in the streets, the second was he unexplainably chose to open up in the very wrong place and time and circumstances, and the last that i was not alone in the battle between love and pride after all.
What made us like that for so long was not the lack of love or the excess of pride. It was instead the lack of trust and the excess of insecurities.
Our love needed no more devotion and affection.. It needed trust.
Hearing the sound of him breathing i finally said: 
_" i already let go once and i failed to forget you and move on, those were the darkest days of my life and i'm not going through them again. I'm never leaving you Rayan Amer .. Do you trust that?"
Waiting for his answer i thought .. That the advice that should have long been given to us was 
" don't be so doubtful in love" 
That sure would have been of a great help.
The man on the receiving end finally took a deep breath. And said: 
_" i trust you.."