That Winter You Came (Completed)

season 2: Episode 7

After the male nurse who accompanied Nadia said that the blood they collected so far was enough. She immediately turned to look at me dearly and smiled:
_" i guess we'll finally get a chance to talk"
I nodded my head.. Although i was rather troubled not knowing what she wanted to talk about.
She spoke with the male nurse for a bit .. then  came towards me again and ordered:
_"let's go"
She started leading me behind her across the college yard.. Although it was my college and i was the man, she still took the lead.
Looking at her back in front of me sure brought lots of memories.. And sure made me want to create new ones.
I could always recognize her just looking at her back. Not that i could tell by her physique because she sure gained few pounds and lost few others over the years. She wore high heels and flats .. And her scarf style changed every time i met her.
But i could always know her in a crowded street.
Because you just know your people i guess. 
  She suddenly turned fully to look at me again.. And then She started walking backwards somehow to "force" me to look after her.
So instead of watching her figure, i had to watch the ground behind her and shout:
_"be careful of the stairs! ..Be careful of people!... There's a hole, watch out!"
Although i made all that effort just to keep up with her insane idea of walking "blind", she still looked at me coldly and frowned:
_" why do i have to explain everything for you Rayan Amer! You have such a smart brain but you still act dumb when it comes to me.. Isn't it clear that i just want you to walk beside me by doing all of this!!"
Although i wanted to say: " you could have just walked beside me in the first place if you wanted to"
Still.. I looked at her like i had No brain and mumbled:
_" you're right .. I'm sorry"  
_"you still have this old habit of yours .. You always walk either behind me or in front of me. Rarely beside me!" She nagged again.
_"is that so?" I mumbled holding my laughter.
She nodded displeased.
You see.. I never did that on purpose, in fact, it was always her who chose to walk in a rather fast pace or a slow one, and when i tried to match her she would very purposefully create distance between our steps again.
Only Nadia Hamidi would shamelessly do such a thing and still blame it on you in your face.
She was always so scheming .. Always.
Even in the first time we started having a "thing".
I remember i was going to school one cold morning when she jumped in front of me from nowhere and startled me shouting:
_"good morning!.. Remember i didn't ignore you!" That was in the fall of 2009.
She already broke up with Salim at that time. And we were on a really bad terms that, for a moment, i thought i was imagining things.
But the teasingly look on her face said she was for real, before i could even understand what was happening, i found her stepping closer to me.. standing mere inches away with the world's most radiant smile on her face, she added:
_"you better remember that I, Nadia Hamidi, talked to you even when all students found it more convenient to leave you alone"
Man! she was so close that i could even count her eyelashes.. And by counting her eyelashes i meant to divert my eyes from looking at some other "more important" elements on her face that stopped at the count of two.
Once she finished talking like if i was her charity case .. She started walking away immediately. Leaving me looking at her back rather confused.. And very bothered!
In lunch time that day .. I was lying my head on my desk alone in the classroom when suddenly someone started tapping on the wooden desk.
I lifted my head lazily to see what was happening only to find a girl with a mischievous smirk looking at me with those wide dark eyes of hers and whispering:
_" i brought you lunch today.. I noticed you never eat  so i decided to save your poor health for you"
And Before i had the chance to object . she already grabbed a chair for her and sat in front of me.
opened the food container, split what was there  half and started eating with me like if it was the most natural thing to do.
I had no idea why she was acting so intimate all at sudden. Especially that the last time we talked she blamed me for ruining her relationship with Salim.
But i hell knew she intended no good.
when you love someone though, you choose to pretend that your IQ dropped to hit the bottom. Thus.. I decided to just follow her weird set of mind and wait for her to tell me what was going on.
I ate lunch with her that day all suspicious. And listened to her talking about people i had no idea who they were for half an hour.
_"isn't it better to eat with someone beautiful like me than being alone all time?" She suddenly asked.
I lifted my eyes to look at her properly.
Although my honest answer was "yes" .. I said instead:
_" you seem different, you spoke rarely before.. Now you talk much more"
She nodded a bit taken aback, and then she said those words that would always build a wall between us:
_" hmmm, i learned how to be confident when i was with Salim. He brought out the true me to the light"
She took a spoon from her food, swallowed it.. Looked at me again and said:
_"he's a very good person, but i'm not .. So i didn't deserve him"
_"what about me? am i a bad person?" I uttered unwillingly.
without hesitating for even a nano second, she confidently answered:
_"yes ..the worst"
And like you see, Ever since the beginning .. I never compared to him in her eyes.
The following day i was walking to the school again when i found her waiting beside some house's fence.
Once her eyes fell on me she run the few steps that separated us and so excitedly she shouted:
_"i didn't ignore you today either.. Remember that!"
Once she finished talking .. She walked away.
She started waiting for me every morning the few next days.
Sometimes she held her pink umbrella.
Sometimes she buried her face in her winter coat.
The tip of her nose was always red.. And her eyes were always teary.
I wondered why would she make all that effort for someone like me.. The worst in her eyes.
But i never dared to ask .. because when she looked at me every morning with a smile and said:
_" remember that i didn't ignore you today either even when you act so cold!"
I just wished she was sincere.
And i wished.. Even for someone like me, to have someone who cares about him.
I looked at the 2013 her and i said:
_" what do you want to talk to me about?"
She stopped walking backwards.. faced me with a serious expression, And scolded:
_"we're still in the middle of college .. Couldn't you wait until we reached somewhere more quiet?"
_" just say it"
I, by experience, know that Nadia hamidi would blow good news in my face even in public, but would choose to take us to a calm place when she wants to blow my heart instead.
So i thought .. If i changed the place ..maybe even painful words would be less harmful.
_"i'm really starting to regret coming, you know? .. If you act this cold then why should i still think you care about me?" She commented.
I sighed .. Not wanting to lose my nerves. And then i said:
_"you're right.. I'm sorry, let's go to somewhere quiet first"
Not even caring enough about what i said, she grabbed her phone from her blouse pocket, and  checked the time.
And then lifted her head giving me a smile.
Carelessly ..
I always wished the only girl who cared enough for me .. To care a bit more.
Just a little more.
She pushed her scarf further from her forehead. And then she amused said:
_" laaa, it's ok .. I forgive you since you apologized so sincerely, let's just talk here then"
I nodded.
Taking a deep breath..she directly announced:
_"Salim got married the last week"
Of all the things i expected to hear.. That was the last.
Realising that she made all that effort to meet me at my college just to talk about Salim wanting me to console her, i just wanted to curse her and then walk away.
_" i said he's married now!" She insisted.
I looked at her .. Barely suppressing my anger, and yelled:
_" well! congratulations for him then! What does that have to do with me!!"
Even when all students around us stopped walking to look at us having a fight, even when i looked clearly angry.
She still managed to smirk in mockery and mumble:
_"you're the worst"
If i classified all people in my life in a chart for cruelty then Nadia Hamidi will proudly get the top rank in it.
If i put a chart for lying, and having a scheming character then she'll hell collect all the golden medals.
You need to have no heart at all to be her, or to have a heart that beats almost for only one person.
She took a deep inhale .. And then she warned:
_" look Rayan, i'm giving you another chance to take back what you just said. You really don't care anymore whether Salim Married someone else?"
I didn't care of course, even if he married 4 woman Nadia would still pray for one of them to die to replace her.
That's how much she loves him.
And at the age of 22, It became so much heavier to have an unrequited love for such a woman.
So i looked at her, And i nodded my head:
_"i don't!"
But i regretted saying that right away.
Because Nadia suddenly stared at me with nothing but pain in her eyes.
And i felt like kicking my self.
Her dark eyes looked bright with tears filling them .. And her voice broke when she whispered:
_" i'm sorry for coming today, i guess you stopped loving me"
Her tears started to fall..
And she walked pass me to join her team again.
And i wondered.. Even when i was in deep pain. Why did it still hurt more to see her crying face?
Why was it unbearably painful?
I run to her right away.. I blocked her way and cupped her crying face between my sleeves.
_" go away!" She yelled sobbing.
But i still wiped her tears careful .. And regretfully repeated:
_" i'm sorry.. Please don't cry .. I didn't mean what i said"
But she didn't stop .

So i cursed my self and i brainlessly uttered:
_" i'm sorry Salim is such a @$$&% .. He shouldn't have married another"
_"don't curse!" She yelled.
_"ok.. i'm sorry"
_"you still love me?" She asked.
And without hesitating i repeated right away:
_" yes, so much .. More than anything. I love you .."
And i meant it.
Even for a girl like her .. I held that much of love.
She wiped her eyes smiling again . very satisfied.
And mumbled:
_" i love you much more you moron. I never loved Salim more than a brother .. I love you"
I stretched my sleeves. And then i wiped the leaking eyeliner for her because i know she would scold me for not doing that if she saw her panda eyes in the mirror.
I know she loves me in a way..
For all the things she did for me, for her worried face over me and sincere wishes i must admit that she loved me enough to do all of that.
And enough to be almost faithful to me all that time,  just "almost"..
But never more than Salim, not even close .. Even after long years i still lost to him.
Yet..
I looked at her beautiful face .. And god i couldn't but exhale my pain out for so long.
And then lie:
_" I know.."