That Winter You Came (Completed)

season 2: Episode 8

2014 was the year Algeria's football team got a place in the world cup again.
But my father who witnessed our team win Germany's in 1882's world cup game couldn't be there to witness our glorious loss.
Because he died early that March.
That wasn't the saddest thing about 2014 for me though, because I never saw him as a father to begin with, and no matter how i forced my heart to forgive him.. I still failed.
In all my memories with him, other than that time in primary school when i got a bad rash and he took me to the hospital faster than the thunder, i couldn't quite remember any good things he ever did to me.
And Even that single memory, i'm not even sure he took me to the hospital because he was afraid on my safety and health, or because he was scared i would be contagious to my baby sister at the time, i mean my half sister ..
But you can't say bad stuff about the dead.
So when i was asked to say how my father was in his life, the day of his funeral, I could only answer:
_"he was a good man"
And that wasn't a total lie, because i know at least he was a good man to his second wife and new children.
I remember i had exams that March of 2014 when he died. So skipped them to take care of his funeral for the sake of the only favour he ever did to me, and that's bringing me to life.
I left my dormitory once i received the call from the hospital.
The funny thing was that it was Nadia who called me actually, and not even my family..
Her voice was calm and deep when she said:
_" to allah we belong and to him we shall return, may Allah glorify your good"
Once i heard that, i realised someone has died.. And the first person who came to my mind, was Imad.
Because he was in the army .. And lots of stuff happen there. So my breath cut right away in terror.
i couldn't think straight until she finally added:
_" your father has just passed away .. He's here in the hospital at La Rea"
I don't know if this makes me a bad son, but for a second, i felt relieved because it wasn't Imad who died instead.
So i took my papers, and i left my dormitory..
I arrived at the hospital around 8 pm. And Nadia was the first one to receive me.
She was standing outside the emergency ward waiting for me alone in the dark.
Although it was cold, she still stood there without a coat to warm her .. And the moment her eyes caught me, she ran towards me right away.
_"why are you here! It's so cold!" I yelled once she was close enough.
_" i couldn't wait inside.." She breathed.
Her eyes were teary .. And she looked like having a lot of trouble finding what she should say.
_"i'm sorry .. He arrived so late.. We couldn't do anything" she added next with a sour tone.
Even for that man who had more than he deserved of time in life, she still felt guilty.
She looked so weak in front of me that i couldn't help but hug her tight and mumble:
_" i'm sorry he died in your shift, he should have died earlier"
she pushed me away, and with a cold face she scolded:
_" have a bit of mercy, he's your father after all!"
_"making a child doesn't make him a father" i explained.
And those words at that time, came of my sincere agony.
Where was my father when i slept outside the house just for him not to beat me? .. He was sleeping in his comfortable bed.
Where was he when i worked my ass off just to get good marks and prove to him that i wasn't "brainless" like he always said.. He was somewhere with his new children.
Nadia can never understand how such a treatment can kill someone's mercy and cut sacred ties.
When she spoke about her mother those days we were together and how bad she treated people around her i had only two things to say:
1_ she was somehow a version of her mother after all
2_ i wish i had someone who cared enough for me to scold me for my own good.
Since i didn't have the heart to explain anything. I just kept my silence looking at her judgmental expressions
_"you're terrifying me now, is this how a son talks about his father who just died! Don't you have a heart!" Nadia yelled next.
I looked at her eyes that shined in the light coming from the emergency ward for so long.
And i finally decided to let my guard off in front of her at least.
So i hugged her again even when she fought me.
And i whispered:
_" i wish he died in that time when i loved him even when he was so trashy with me. At least i would have prayed for god to forgive him. How can my heart pray sincerely for him now"
I felt her arms that fought me getting calm and soft after i finished speaking
She buried her face in my chest and added:
_" i still feel sorry because i couldn't save him for you though, he needed to sort things out with you before he left, you always tend to misjudge people and i believe he's the one you misjudged the most"
I didn't think of the words she said.. Because i was more thinking about the warm hug she gave me, and those gentle pats that made my heart beat like a drum instead of calming it.
That was the first time we ever hugged. And if i had to describe how that was with just one word i shall say it felt like "destiny".
Nadia was destined to be between my arms.. She fit between them like my long lost peace of puzzle.
She was so small and yet bigger in my heart than her real size. So harsh and yet the softest breeze that ever touched my skin.
And she smelled like her..
It's a torture not to touch the one you love.. And it's a torture to touch the one you love. since i became a bullseye for her arrows for so long.. I learned how to find my happiness with my destiny, and torture.
After some time, we finally walked to the emergency ward together.
Nadia started wiping her tears with her grey scarf one second .. And then she held the edge of that poor grey fabric the very next second and looked at the wet spot in frustration before pushing it away again.
I bet if i could walk inside her head at that moment, i would find her thinking:
_"i should have worn a black scarf instead!"
Because only her even if the world was falling down she would take seconds to fix her scarf in the mirror  before trying to save her life.
It sounds creepy to say this about her.. But she was the biggest scarf freak i ever met.
Walking further in the emergency ward, I finally met my stepmother and her two children.
They were crying awfully ..and There wasn't a trace of my mother, nor my two brothers.
I bet if i called them at that moment they would have celebrated his death instead, And that would have been cruel for those two young children to hear. So that was the reason why i didn't call anybody.. Plus, I wanted at least to give them there time to feel sad before they wake up to the fact that they were left alone to my family's merciless hands after god's mercy.
I walked closer to them..
When my half sister, who was 13 at that time, noticed me. She ran towards me right away and hugged me tight crying her heart out.
She's my only sister, a detail i always chose to ignore. She didn't look the slightest like me though, She had a brown curly hair, an explosion of freckles in her face, And her eyes had a light color. If she wasn't my sister for a fact.. I wouldn't even imagine that.
I didn't know what grade she was or what school she went to. I practically only knew her name, and if she was called with some nickname .. Then i didn't even know. But that day when she trembled like a small leaf between my arms i realised that somehow i had to protect her, that she was left to my care.
_"Rayaan!" She yelled with her little sweet voice.
So i patted on her back. And i pleeded:
_" he went to a better place .. Pray for him"
He was a real father to her after all.
As i was trying to comfort my sister, a little boy not even half my height was hugging my leg too and crying. And that was the baby brother..
As confusing and heartless this sounds for you, still some families are like this too, Barely a family ..
After sometime, i freed my self from their hug. i didn't even take a moment to see my father's second woman, I hated her, god is my witness on that, So i couldn't fake the sympathy i didn't have. Instead i went to talk to the doctor in charge.
My father died of a heart attack. I didn't even know he had a heart condition until that very moment.
Nadia accompanied me to see his body though, It was weird to see the man who didn't miss a chance to insult and beat me finally calm. And However i looked at him, i couldn't feel troubled with that deathly calm.  The only idea that kept my mind, was how his second family would survive between the monsters he created.

I don't remember much of those days, I had to arrange for the funeral all alone since my two brothers refused to do that, and because neither of them had a girl named Nadia in their lives.
She kept calling me the whole time on the phone, asking how i was, checking every detail of the funeral with me and even coming to the funeral with her family to check on the women of the house.
If my father's death taught me one thing then that was Nadia was the woman i can lean on if i asked to. And that's something i always missed about her..
Even in high school, she was the shoulder we could lean on. She was there for Yassmine and Badro, i swear Imad would have ended up drug dealing if she didn't pick him up from the mud he put himself into.
And i was her biggest case of course, her biggest rescuing success. To put it in simple words.. She kept me alive.
But Still, unlike those three i had a bad position. I wasn't her friend.. I was her boyfriend, a detail she chose not to commit to. And for that, i had to pay for all the sweet words she gave me.. By accepting all her stabs.
after the funeral came the inheritance issues,
My mother god bless her fought with her nails and teeth to get every Dinar we could get from the dead man.
After she took all the money She moved to the second family next, and almost kicked them out but changed her mind in the last second. And for some reason, She gave them a floor of there own in our house and left them with no more harm.
She often called me to go visit her those days,
Unlike i expected, she was actually in grieve over  my father's death. She held family dinners for us, her three sons.. But No matter how good that food tasted, And no matter how warm she tried to be around the three of us. We still ate so little and acted so distant.
I remember her calling me to her room after one dinner. She was wearing a prayer outfit and holding el Mushef ( book of Quran ) when i walked in.
I was surprised to see all that "devotion" halo around her, but again, My father's death must have affected her in a way that i couldn't understand.
She closed el mushef, looked at me with a warm smile and suggested:
_"come close to me"
So i did that, i stepped closer to her..
And i was surprised with her extending her arms and embracing me.
I don't know what came up to me, because for a moment i flicked. It must have been the lack of emotions i always had from her.
that moment was enough to draw the smile off of her face.
_"did i surprise you ?" She mumbled.
I stepped away from her. And then i asked:
_" you called me to come. Do you want me to issue some papers for you?"
She shook her head. And then sighed..
_"i just wanted to see you"
I nodded. And then i sat on the chair at the end if her room.
_" your studies are fine?" She asked next.
So I nodded again.
She started asking strange questions next. Like if i ate well and had good people around me. She even asked if there was some girl i would like to marry and to that i answered:
_" i'm not thinking about marriage, but when i do then she'll be the person i'll choose"
And that was the only question that i didn't find just a nod enough for an answer. this widely pleased my mother, she walked towards me and then patted my shoulder saying:
_" i guess you don't want to tell me who she is . but i'm glad there's someone who can make you look alive"
So i smiled widely.. Finally having my answer.
You see, i spent so many years trying to understand why i was attracted to Nadia like a freaking magnet although she had such a poor personality and always gave me trouble.
Ever since the day my eyes landed on her .. In a rainy day of 2007, She gave me trouble.
And that day when she screamed so loud deafening my ears and throwing a box full of tomatoes on me, She gave me trouble.
When i gave her yassmine's necklace .. Because i wanted to give it to her. And when i kissed another girl, over and over, just to stop my feelings towards her. She was like a bug buzzing nonstop inside my head.
I knew not a single day without Nadia invading my hours some how .. And making troubles everywhere.
Along those long years. I could never give such emotions a better definition than my mother has given in a moment of thinking.
And that is .. That Nadia just made me a living creature with anger, disappointment, fear, and joy.
The reason i came back to her even when she loved someone else and lied in most of her words was because She gave me a heart.