That Winter You Came (Completed)

season 2: Episode 2

I slept about an hour that night.
Walid and i finished working on our model too late. And then prepared for the presentation before going to sleep.
I woke up on Walid's voice talking to his girlfriend at 7 am.
He was swearing to her that i wasn't the one who committed suicide in our room. And then reassured her that Mehdi was doing fine.
I bet the whole "girl" side of school thought that it was me who tried to kill him self.
And it's only reasonable.
Because no parent came in the middle of campus and drugged his son as if he was a dirt bag like my old man did.
Yes, it happened in my first year in college. I refused to sign papers to give him the piece of land my grandfather gifted to me.
He was in huge debt and he had no other source of money but that piece of land i refused to sell.
So he came to me in the middle of campus.. And he started giving me a slap after another.
It was humiliating .. It always was.
But i found it better to just let him empty his meaningless anger and vanish from my life again.
After he started getting shortened of air because of all the effort he did, He spit on my face and cursed:
_" may you get burned with that money! Never show me your face again in the house!"
I didn't say a word of course.
I just watched him walking out of the campus not daring to raise my face in front of my colleagues.
The funny thing was.. No one walked closer to the 2 miters circle around me for long minutes.
The only one who could break such a border was a girl who always came to me with a shameless smile on her face without a hint of sympathy.
The only one who could make me feel it was ok to be beaten by your father in public was Nadia Hamidi.
And she wasn't there around me anymore.
for a moment, i regretted not following her blindfolded no matter where she went. And how rotten she was.
Ever since that day, i was always treated like the weakest rock on campus, just like in high school.
No one would find it weird that i commit suicide.
Once he finished talking through the phone, Walid turned to check if i was sleeping.
I didn't spare him a moment of relief.. Because i immediately commented:
_" i bet that all girls will be surprised to see me walking alive"
_" i bet they would scream thinking you're a ghost or something" he laughed.
I just stood up lazily and put the model carefully in the cartoon box. Not taking what happened to heart.
We presented our work that day.. We begged the prof to count Mehdi with us.
Soon we finished our presentation i ran directly to the hospital.
I needed to see the only person who would never question my will to live and think i could commit suicide..
I wondered with my eyes around the waiting room looking for her for so long.
Kept waiting .. And waiting. But i saw no sign of her.
At some point i gave up, so i bothered asked some nurse about her.
The young nurse sized me up and down and then asked:
_" you look like a college boy. What college do you go to?"
I found such a question very bothersome. Still i hopelessly asked:
_" if i answer your question .. Would you answer mine?"
She nodded pleased.
_" yes, i'm a college boy"
_" what college?"
_" architecture, is that even important! Now, is nurse Hamidi on shift today or not?"
The young nurse looked so satisfied with my answer. And then she finally informed me:
_"her shift starts tomorrow at exactly 9 am .. You better be here at 8:30 "
I just nodded. And then i went to ask about Mehdi's room.
Don't get it wrong. But Nadia invades my brain like a tumor. When thinking about her .. I forget such things like a classmate committing a suicide.
I was soon led to another building. And in there.. I was led to some room.
Walking in there and seeing how pale and weak Mehdi looked i wondered if what Nadia said about his condition was underestimating.
_"hey man" i said with a smile soon i was close enough to him.
He looked at me tired. And then he soon asked:
_"what happened in the presentation?"
A typical question.
Only an architecture student would come back from death with a miracle and still thinks about a stupid model.
_" the prof will give you just as much as he will give us" i sighed.
He then closed his eyes and exhaled for so long.
I wasn't some doctor or anything, so i wasn't sure what i was supposed to say in such situations.
_"does your family know?" I finally asked.
I know for sure that my family will have a celebration party if i was lying their instead of him.
_"i don't know.. Maybe" he answered.
I nodded.
I remained standing awkwardly until i felt my standing there was useless.
I then wished him good recovering and i walked wanting to go out.
That's when Mehdi said from behind my back.
_" you're not alive either.. Are you?"
Those little words effected me more than the weight they carried.
I didn't comment.
I just walked to my dorm again and kept thinking about those words.
That i wasn't alive ..
Studying like a robot isn't living. Eating just because i have to eat and sleeping because i have to sleep isn't living either.
The cigarette i hold .. The smoke flying out of my lungs won't give me a soul either.
However i thought about it, i found out the only time in which i really lived was when i waited excitedly for Nadia to come every morning.
I loved the fact that she was a girl with a scarf. I found it like a sort of hobby to guess what color would she wear.
That girl loved exotic colors.
In a spring day .. She would wear yellow. Or a scarf that had an explosion of flours in it.
When she felt nervous in exams, she would choose dark colors like black and grey.
And when she wants me to call her pretty she would wear "red".
I loved how a color-uninterested like me was turned into a color expert because of her.
And now that i didn't have to wait for her in mornings anymore.. Colors are no longer tempting for me.
I thought about the course of my life for so long that evening. And i came to a decision.
That i needed to see my sunshine more often.. Even if i had to put my pride aside.
I made Walid promise to call if anything came up in college, and then i did something i rarely did for so long.
I decided to skip college the following day.
I remember i woke up excited the next morning.
I shaved, put on the jacket i bought just recently .. I even took off the glasses i started to wear more often. And then i went to meet her at the entrance of the emergency ward.
When she finally came .. She was smiling radiantly like always.
She didn't mind me spending a day around her. And made sure to come by me in the waiting area in the middle of her shift.
Spending those precious moments with her reminded of of the reason i first loved her.
She makes no judgments: she spoke about my friend committing suicide so naturally.
_" i find it hard to keep on living sometimes too" she commented "i guess he needs someone to remind him that he should keep on enduring this life until he finds something worth living for. He then will pray for additional seconds in life"
I looked at her with admiration.. I always loved how she spoke too.
I remember how well her poems were written in Arabic literature.
The teacher kept scolding her all time but she never looked in the depth of her words.
It doesn't matter how vast is your vocabulary. What matters is how to master using the few words you know.
And Nadia Hamidi was a word artist.
I loved how she found it natural to show her soft side.
Like then, she came from the examination room .. She Sat beside me. And took my hand between hers to fix my wrist bandage without me even asking for help.
That wasn't the first time i ever touched a girl .. Nor the first time i touched her.
But holding her hand in my palm .. Feeling how small it was, how soft .. And how warm.
Holding her hand seemed like the most holy thing i ever did .. And the most sinful. Between those sharp edges the desire in my heart arised again.
And i swore that one day i'll make her hold my hand with love and caring. Without her worrying .. even if it was the last thing to do.