That Winter You Came (Completed)

season 3: Episode 3

By mid march 2015, a year had already passed since Rayan's father's death.
The memories of that day tormented me for so long, i couldn't forget the sight of his soulless body when it was raising up and then going down while the doctors gave him a heart message, i couldn't forget the continuous beeping sound of the machine nor the loud orders of the doctors. Still.. the worst part of that day was definitely meeting Rayan after all of that, I didn't know whether he was just acting cold or if he really didn't care about his father's death. But, once he held me in his arms and i felt all his being trembling like a lone leaf on a tree about to fall, i knew right away that it was all an act.
I hugged him tight to reassure him that he wasn't alone.. Not anymore.
You see, Rayan was always involved in this never ending war against his own emotions Refusing to accept that the one can sometimes be the slave of his own heart, So i always did my best to convince him it was ok to act human.
On the day of the death anniversary, i spent hours contemplating the words i should say when i call him. Moving from one scenario to another, i was afraid i might say all the wrong stuff and make us both uncomfortable.
I was doing all that thinking when Imad suddenly walked inside "la salle des soins" (care room) where i was working accompanied by a colleague nurse. 
I could see that female nurse's smile radiate even from that far of a distance so my heart was relieved right away because i knew he must have not been there for a serious matter.
Once Imad's eyes spotted me he smiled right away. I gave him a quick nod and just went back to finish the blood draw i was doing. Once i finished with that, Imad was already standing in front of me.
_" what are you here for? Are you sick?" I asked immediately, Slamming all my nursing training to the wall.
_" i'm here because i was told that the worst nurse in the world works here, i came to check that" 
When he was speaking, i noticed that female nurse looking at him like if she was dying of thirst and he was the last drop of water left on earth, I was very bothered with that because i always was protective of Imad as if he was a brother if mine. 
_" this is the fine gentleman you told me about, isn't he? I remembered his face from the pictures!" The colleague nurse joyfully interrupted almost jumping out of excitement.
_" No, this is his married twin brother.. His wife is my cousin" i replied with a cold tone.
Washing all the excitement out of her face. 
I was starting to get worried about him that once he started laughing after the nurse dismissed her self i gave him a punch to his shoulder and scolded: 
_" how can you laugh when you're so sick that you were sent to this room!" 
_" if you punched the other shoulder i wouldn't laugh though" 
He installed himself in the seat beside me, handed me the doctor's letter and started taking off his shirt right away.
_"a work accident?" I asked.
He nodded.
I looked at the big square bandage on his left arm and sighed: 
_"Imad, how could you not tell me that you're on a leaf because you got injured, are you waiting for death to come until you decide to tell me something about it?"
_" people don't die of arm injuries" 
_"they do" i said with a cold tone.
I took off his bandage, and checked all the stitches, examined the area looking for any signs of inflammation.
Once i started working, i forgot he was my friend. 
I cleaned the wound carefully.. Checked if there were any signs of neural or vascular observed damage.
Anyways, I was doing my job when i suddenly heard the click of camera. When i shifted my eyes to see what was happening .. I saw my frozen serious face on Imad's phone screen with his face smiling stupidly beside mine. 
_"Cute isn't it?" He asked.
I looked at his smiling face in the picture one more second and then i couldn't take it anymore, I started crying right away: 
_"how did you get this awful wound! It's so bad! It must hurt you a lot!" I cried like if i was never a nurse.
It was bad.. Two big deep cuts, with much stitches, i bet it was so deep that he actually bled a lot and needed blood transfusion or something. My head went through all these horrible pictures so much that i couldn't help but cry awfully, Forgetting i was on a duty.
Imad turned to look at me with a worried face right away, He stood up, extended his right arm to grab my head and then he hugged it tight to his chest right away.
_" shh.. Such a crying baby, i'm fine" he hushed. His voice guilty and worried. "It doesn't hurt" he added patting my head gently.
_"it doesn't hurt" was what he said when he fell from his bicycle in the second grade, 
I remember we were in mid ramadan, his family and ours were to dine together and the both of us were asked to buy drinks when Azan el maghrib ( prayer call at sunset) was about to start.
We had so little time before all shops in the neighborhood close so we both were riding our bicycles like crazy when Imad flipped and fell hard on the ground.
Little an 8 years old girl knew about injuries, all i saw was blood coming out of Imad's right knee like crazy and all i thought about was that episode from a war drama where they cut the soldiers leg after such injury. I looked at Imad's eyes heavy with tears while he's trying not to cry and i bursted in tears right away.
_"it doesn't hurt" he yelled right away trying to get back on his feet. But the me who threw her pink bicycle at the side of the road and froze there crying like an ambulance siren wasn't the slightest convinced with that.
I then walked towards him.. Pulled him up quick and then hugged him tight and promised: 
_" i won't let them cut your leg! You can cry because it hurts now because i won't tell, but we both won't cry when we go to the hospital. We'll act strong there!" 
Soon i said that we both cried like it was the end of the world.
_"it hurts so much! Don't touch it!" He yelled in my ear.
We cried until it was long past sunset, until our panicky parents came looking for us and found us hugging by the side of the road and crying.
At that time, there were no limits and borders between the both of us, there was no Haram and Halal ( forbidden and allowed) when it came to our interactions. 
But as we grew older.. The distance widened, and even the boy who was allowed to cry in my hug wasn't allowed anymore
_" i'm not fine being squeezed to your bare chest in public" i mumbled under Imad's strong arm.
He was so much bigger than the boy from my memory, and so much manlier ..
And even if i took him as a brother.. He wasn't.
We just don't hug in public, not with a shirtless man. 
_"nurse Nadia, is everything fine?" The head nurse immediately asked with a sour tone jumping to the picture.
I gently pushed Imad away, wiped my tears and explained: 
_" this is my cousin who got hurt serving in the army, i got a bit emotional" i half lied..
_"the one must separate personal matters from his job, isn't it nurse Nadia?" 
_"yes, i apologize, It won't happen again" 
Once he left i turned to look at the guilty faced Imad, he right away apologized. But still, i hated my self instead for making him apologize.
I looked at him.. Not sure what i had to do, and all i said was: 
_" what happened there?" 
_" it was a tiny accident, a new trainee shot the gun by accident" 
He answered with a red face, not sure what to do either.
_"there are two cuts Imad" i strongly said.
_"he shot twice?" 
I took a deep breath, and then i fought my emotions to say: 
_" i can make the difference between a gun shoot and a knife cut Imad, who ever did this to you he didn't do it by accident.. And i'm certain he wasn't aiming your arm" 
He sat on his chair again, and then he mumbled: 
_"coming to you was a bad idea i guess" 
Coming to me was always Imad's escape. Ever since that day in Ramadan Imad always gave me the face that said " it's ok for me to act weak if it's in front of you" .. And i absolutely didn't want him to feel like if he lost the shoulder he always rested on because of such a silly hug incident.
I shook my head insisting, and then i said: 
_"no, i'm happy you decided to let me know about this, i'm always here for you Imad and you know that" 
He nodded his head, and then he pensively added:
_" i'll apologize to Rayan later, but you were my sister before you were his girl" 
I nodded.. After a small thinking i asked: 
_" does Rayan know?" 
_" yes" 
_"and Badro?" 
_"no" he answered.
I nodded again, not sure what i should say more, i once asked my father about the unit in which Imad was working. Truth be told, my father wouldn't run out of words even if you asked him about the daily life of aunts, but when it comes to the army his answers can't be shorter.
His answer was: 
_" you wouldn't understand, let's just say it's challenging" 
Death challenging he meant, wasn't it? 
I resumed my work looking at Imad's face from time to time, and since he could read me like an open book, he tried to divert my thinking from his bad cuts by talking about casual stuff, like how surprised he was when he met my sister, and about some childhood friend of ours getting married to an Italian beauty To which of course i reacted like if my tongue didn't have a stop button. 
after i finished, i finally stepped to face him properly and then i asked him concerned: 
_" did you get yourself involved in some conflict?" 
Because no gossip would stop me from worrying about Imad.
_"i did my job" he answered.
_" just make sure your job doesn't end up stabbing you in the chest the next time" 
He raised his dark eyes to look at me again, he smiled bright as he hushed: 
_"ok" 
_" you didn't need to take your under shirt off by the way" i commented.
_" that was very needed for the picture!" 
He insisted on sending that picture to me. He always sent his pictures anyways. Because he wants a certain someone to see them of course.
_"i'm going to tell yassmine about your injury" i said 
once he was about to leave.
He looked at me searching for words to say, but i interrupted his thinking right away adding: 
_"wasn't that your other purpose of coming to me today? i'll make sure to show her how muscular you became and make her regret not choosing you" 
His face turned red right away, and then he hardly said: 
_"i'm counting on you to do that" 
The hugging incident caused me a bit of problems, but my skilled tongue got me out of them. 
It wasn't until later that day when i went home that i finally remembered Rayan's matter, and it was actually only when Rayan called me that i remembered.
When i picked up the call his voice came shouting from the other end right away: 
_"how dare you take pictures with shirtless men!" 
_"it's just Imad, did he send it to you?" 
_"worse! .. He came to my dorm and showed it to my dorm mates! And now all those jerks can't take their ugly faces off of his freaking screen looking at you!" 
Hearing those angry words coming from the cold rayan actually made my heart flutter. I laughed so much and then shamelessly said:
_" it's not my mistake that i'm so pretty" 
He didn't find that funny though.. He kept scolding me for continuous minutes until i finally said: 
_" today is the anniversary of your father's death, may god glorify your good" 
_" god bless you, i thought you forgot" 
_" of course i didn't" 
_"i thought after seeing Imad shirtless you forgot about everything else, i'm not bragging but i was stronger in high school, it wouldn't take me long before i surpass him if i started working out now__" 
And just like that, we didn't talk about his father anymore.
Only after i finished speaking with Rayan that i finally realised how many birds Imad hit with a single thought.
He took care of the hesitating me who didn't know how to act in such anniversary, he stood by Rayan's side. and all the rest of us. Thinking about what he did again made we wonder: 
_"did we ever try to look after him too?" 
The answer was.. Except for empty words, We didn't.
What useless friends we were..