That Winter You Came (Completed)

Episode 26

We were on the last day before winter holidays, knowing that i'll probably spend them worried about Rayan i decided to make a selfish decision.
Thus, when we were about to go home at the end of the day.. I looked at Rayan hesitated yet firmly ordered:
_" wait.. I need to give you something first"
You see, Rayan rarely looks surprised.. Or Happy. Even sad.
He always looks indifferent.
Apart from the smile he gives me sometimes he's always solemn and cold featured in a way that makes me  wonder what his true feelings are.
When i asked him to wait.. He just nodded and placed his bag above the desk.
I then grabbed my copybook .. Wrote down my phone number and torn the paper.
I turned to look at him wishing that my cheeks wouldn't burst of blushing and mumbled:
_" this is my phone number.. You have to call me at least 3 times in these holidays when you get the chance. If something bad come up call me first. Promise?"
Yes, it took me almost one year of going out with him until i finally gave him my phone number.
It would have taken me even long years if i waited for him to ask first.
That's how he was.. That was what always made me think that -even when he said he loved me- believe that he didn't really "love" me the way i wanted.
I always believed that what he had for me was "familiarity".. He just got used to the girl who came and went back with him. Who ate with him. And gave him the attention no one gave him.
Even when my heart skipped a beat every time he said he loved me or smiled for me. I still believed that he just loved the idea of me being around and smiled in gratitude.
Because he never talked beyond "i love you" .. He never said the words i needed to hear to make me feel secure.
Because he never expressed him self properly.. I always thought i was the only one holding into him.
Sometimes i wonder how i shamelessly stayed by his side even knowing that.
Anyways, when i handed him my number.. He just took it and nodded.
Without a smile .. Without a hint of any emotion.
As if i handed him the number of a taxi driver.
"Such a cold man" i thought.
I sighed disappointed and added:
_" i'm worried something might happen to your mother when i'm not around .. Promise me you'd call if anything happens"
He looked at me confused for a moment and then asked:
_" why would anything happen to my mother?"
I looked at him .. I blinked .. I looked at him again.
_" isn't she so sick?"
The moment i finished talking he bursted in laughter.. I looked at him not knowing if he got crazy from the shock or i was imagining things.
_" that woman is healthier than you and me!" He laughed.
At that point .. I was dumbfounded. So in defense i  shouted:
_" they said she's dying in the feast of your brother!"
_" don't call him my brother" he said firmly .. Not laughing anymore.
He took his bag from above the desk and threw it on his shoulder. And explained:
_" my mother is angry, desperate and greedy.. She just wants to make the old man feel guilty, she's a big liar"
He started walking towards the door .. Leaving me stare at his back surprised.
Not about what his mother did. But surprised of the way he talked about her.
So cold and indifferent as if she wasn't of his blood. He called his father "that old man" with a hint of disgust as if he was talking about the man who killed the whole humanity.
I wouldn't talk about my mother that way even if she treated me so bad and always belittled me. Because no matter what i still love her.
At that time, i thought to my self
" he's talking this way about the man and woman who gave birth to him and raised him. How cold is he feeling towards me .. A mere stranger"
Starting from that day .  i viewed him differently.
No matter what he did .. I no longer believed he did things for me whole heartedly.
When we reached the fence that day he held the paper i gave him for me to see .. He smiled and said:
_" i'll make sure to call you"
I didn't even feel a hint of happiness .. I just nodded and said:
_"ok, see you in the new year"
As i walked further leaving him behind i absurdly said to my self:
" i'll give him a last chance to see if he really liked me.. I'll turn to look at him. If he was still there standing at the fence seeing me off then i'll forget all what happened and believe in him again. However , if that wasn't the case, i'll no longer hold on to him stupidly"
When i turned to look behind me praying he would be there .. I found the street empty. In the last day he could see me for so long.
And that was it.
As much as i was in love with him .. I was stupid.
For me the example of love i knew came from all the dramas i watched.
And the real life example i had was my ex "Salim"
Salim always made sure i reached home safely .. He would stand at the corner of our street and watch me walk inside the house.
Whenever i turned to look behind .. I'd find him holding the biggest smile.
That was love to me. And Rayan never gave me that .
Except for the time i found him waiting for me so early in the morning. And the time at the language school in summer.. He never gave me more than that considering a 1 year long relationship.
Not finding him standing at the fence broke something inside of me .. I started to forget all our good days. Just remembered his cold attitude.
And the thing is .. That "suddenly questioning everything" phase all couples have at some point came to me in a very crucial time.
Long Winter holidays!
Were i had nothing to do but think of all the bad things he once did to me and how weird we ended up together.
What made things even worst is that Rayan in fact only called me once.. Only to wish me a happy new year which is just a formality.
When the holidays ended.. I was convinced that Rayan only had mixed feelings for me that can never be called love.
Maybe just "the fear of losing me".
So the first thing i did when i met him at the fence after holidays was to ignore him.
Much to my expectations .. He didn't even react to that.
When i walked in the classroom with Yassmine after the morning salute.. I already found him in his seat.
So i quickly sat in mine .. Looked in front of me and ignored him.
I did the same thing at lunch .. Only ate with Yassmine as far as i could away from him, of course i didn't cook for him.
When the day ended i found him standing beside my desk.
When i lifted my eyes to look at him he said:
_" let's go"
Always indifferent and without an emotion.
I looked at Yassmine beside me and coldly lied:
_" Yassmine and I will go study at the library today... You can leave without me"
Without even objecting .. He threw his bag behind his back and left the classroom.
I smiled mockingly and admitted:
"I was indeed the only one holding into him.. Once i started letting go he didn't even try to catch me"
Yassmine poked my shoulder.. And when i turned to look at her she asked:
_" what was all that about? Did you guys have a fight?"
I sighed and replied:
_" just testing him, he's failing at every test"
She frowned and while stuffing her books inside her bag she added:
_" give me a man who succeeded at a woman's test and i'll make the elephant go through a needle hole. Just don't overreact"
I smiled bitterly and mumbled:
_" eh" ( yeah)
I held my bag and walked with her. After we walked outside the school i asked:
_" are you going home?"
_" no, going to meet Badro at the library to study"
_" can i join in?" I offered shamelessly.
Still she armed my shoulders and dragged me with her laughing.
_" you must come!! I'm teaching those idiots Badro and Imad. They know nothing about anything. They need every possible help!!"
I followed her to the library that wasn't so far from our school.
Many students were already there studying until dinner time.
I gave my brother a call and asked him to come pick me up after i finish
Proud that a member of our family actually went to a library and aware that i knew about his "secret girlfriend" he excitedly shouted from the other end:
_" yes! Sure! Call me whenever you finish studying and i'll come pick you up right away!"
With that being settled i went inside the new building with Yassmine at ease.
We soon met Badro And Imad sitting at some table already going through books.
They both looked thinner than the last time i saw them. And Imad no longer had a ponytail .. His hair was cut much shorter. Seeing the both of them actually studying for the first time in my life made me surprised.
I never expected those troublemakers to be actually determined to pass the Bac!
Once they noticed me they were surprised too .. But soon smiles spread on their faces.
_" look who's here!" Badro hushed.
Imad nodded and greeted me .. Offering me the seat beside his.
After sometime of studying together Badro suddenly commented:
_" i heard you're going out with that thug who bullied you"
Yassmine punched his arm right away.
I just nodded.
With a pained face he added:
_" i guess his way of expressing his love is weird. Anyways if you want to be smart and dump him.. My friend here is still in the market"
He then pointed at Imad mischievously.
Still, Imad not taking it as a joke put his pen calmly. Smiled at me and said:
_" don't take this as an offence .. You're really pretty but the fair skinned girls aren't my type. I more like brunettes and tall ones"
The climate soon turned serious.
The three of us knew he meant someone like Yassmine.
I turned my head to check on the couple sitting in front of me, no word needed to be said.. They both seemed aware of his feelings towards Yassmine.
I felt like i was stepping on a landmine field.
So i tried to cool the atmosphere saying:
_" your handsome too .. But i only have a fancy for well mannered top students"
With that being said .. The rest of the study session was purely about studies.
_" he confessed to me" Yassmine suddenly admitted when we were waiting at the library door for her father to come pick her up and my brother to come for me.
The boys already left by then to catch the last bus to downtown .. We were finally alone.
I looked at her troubled face and asked:
_" does Badro know about this?"
_" he knows of it i guess, but we never actually talked about it"
She sighed.. And then she added:
_" i wanted to tell you for so long but i was afraid you'll misjudge me .. You saw it your self today I only love Badro, i don't know how to deal with this .. I don't want to lose him"
I wanted to scold her for not trusting me enough to tell me but then i understood her a bit.
She's just troubled.
_" Imad knows he has no chance. Today he wasn't persuading you.. I bet he never actually did, he just wanted you to know about his feelings.. He's a good boy"
She gave my words lots of thinking and hushed:
_" you're right"
I looked at the empty street for sometime and pensively added:
_" when i saw you and Badro today i envied you too, the way he looks at you.. And when he insisted to wait here with us even knowing he might get stuck in here tonight. I envied your love. Rayan never loved me this way .. He'll never do."
_" don't say that.. It's just that Rayan and Badro are different" she objected.
i shook my head .. And added:
_" Salim was like Badro. Wasn't he?"
Finding what i said logic . she didn't defend Rayan again.
For a moment i remembered that Rayan was her ex too .. She never had the best memories with him.
He didn't talk about her fervently either, in fact he always treated her like an object.
I guess i'm the only girl in this planet who wants her boyfriend to talk passionately about his ex. But the truth is .. Seeing him cold towards her that way made me think that one day when we'll break up.. I'll cry my heart out when he'll just .. Think of me as an object too.
I really didn't have a first idea about him. Did i?