KotLC if Sophie was a Delinquent Badass

I've Come To The Conclusion That Elves Are Suicidal

"Is this the entrance or something? Alden, I'm wearing socks." Wet socks should be considered a form of torture.

We were in the middle of nowhere, on a patch of dark rocks surrounded by white-capped waves. The only signs of life were a few seagulls, and all they did was screech and shit.

Yes, it is. Don't worry about the water, you'll see." I've had enough surprises today. "You couldn't leap because the light doesn't reach underwater."

"It's like you read my mind," I mumbled. Alden just laughed.

It didn't help mood that my shoes kept slipping on the rocks as I walked behind Fitz. As for the outfit I mentioned, that was a bust. I was given a red dress and red shoes to wear. Apparently, I was a sign of status for a girl to wear a gown. Utter bullshit. I refused.

They obviously didn't want to deal with my ass since they let me stay in my original outfit. Better than a pocket-less dress. Alden did warn me that there was going to be members of the nobility wandering around because of their offices there. Apparently, Atlantis is a 'noble city' but they can have both my third fingers.

What was strange is seeing Weirdo in elvin clothes: a long blue tunic with elaborate embroidery around the edges and slender pockets sewn into the sleeves—the exact same size as his pathfinder. Black boots completed the look. Why does he get pockets and I don't? Sounds sexist. Doesn't matter anyways.

Should have seen his face when I asked about the tights and pointy shoes—IT WAS PRICELESS!

A rock moved under my foot and I fell on my ass, God still hates me. Fitz put an arm out to help me up and I accepted, somewhat gratefully.

"This happens to my sister all the time, she's clumsy too."

"I'm not clumsy, I just have a toxic relationship with balance," I said standing up. He and Alden chuckled. "So, Atlantis really sank?” I asked, I'm trying hard to understand what going on here, as I followed him to a ledge high above the water.

"The Ancients engineered the catastrophe,” Alden answered. He opened a secret compartment in the side of the strange rock, revealing hundreds of tiny glass bottles, grabbed one, and joined them on the ledge. “How else would humans think we disappeared?”

"There are literally hundreds of other ways you could've done this." I'm sensing a trend here—they love doing things the difficult way. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up.

Speaking of difficult, the bottle he picked up was labled ONE WHIRLPOOL. OPEN WITH CARE. So they have a death wish, too.

"Step back," Alden warned. He uncorked the bottle and threw it into the ocean. A huge blast of wind whipped our faces as the roar of churmimg water filled the air. "Ladies first,” Alden shouted, pointing to the edge.

“I’m sorry—what?" He didn't expect- no way! "How about you demonstrate!" I shouted back. He nodded. Phew, I am not dying first.

I almost screamed when he actually jumped. "YOU GUYS ARE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS!"

Fitz laughed beside me. "You're turn." I did not hesitate. I took the phrase "do a flip" a little too seriously. When I hit the whirlpool, it took a second for me to realise I wasn't drowning, thank God. It felt like the most insane waterslide ever!

All too soon, I was spit out of the vortex onto a giant sponge. It was like being licked by a pack of kittens, minis the breath, and then the sponge sprung back,  leaving me standing on a giant cushion. "Again," was all that came out. Alden seemed relieved for some reason, the his eyes widened.

"Look out!" He pulled me out of the way seconds before Fitz landed right where I was standing.

"You guys really do have a death wish." I took deep breaths to calm down, then I realised I wasn't wet. Must be the kitten sponge.

My eyes stretched open and I stood there looking like a child in a gingerbread house. The city was onside this HUGE dome of air like Sandy Cheek's house. Twisted crystal towers soared into the skyline, bathing the silver city in the soft blue glow radiating from their pointed spires. The buildings lined an intricate network of canals, interconnected by arched bridges. Being at the bottom of the ocean, the air was crisp and fresh. The only clue that they were underwater was a muted hum in the background. Like when you put a seashell to your ear and think you hear the ocean. 

"WE'RE IN THE BIKINI BOTTOM! For once, I won't complain about the sparkly stuff but damn, you guys build with crystals alot. How much would one piece sell on the black market?" I mumbled the last bit so I don't think they heard me.

"This isn't the bikini bottom—whatever that is. Crystal stores the energy we use to power everything, and it’s cut to let precisely the right amount of light in. Of course, we had to make some changes when we moved Atlantis underwater. We plated the buildings with silver so they’d reflect the firelight we created in the spires and help illuminate the city. You can't sell it. ”

"So you charge your phones with crystal energy?"

"What's is a phone?" Fitz popped up.

"WHAT'S A- do you mean- you don't have phones?" I fished mine out of my pocket. Thankfully, THESE pockets were deep enough for me to have it on me. Unlike that dress they wanted me to wear; I'll never stop complaining about this.

Holding it up to their faces, I tapped on the screen to turn it on, showing off my Izuku wallpaper. Alden hummed thoughtfully and reached into his own pocket. He pulled out a square, silver gadget and showed it to her. "I'll explain later but for now, we really have to go." He pocketed it again.

Fitz looked at my phone curiously. "Can I see it?" An innocent question with a not-so-easy answer.

"Nope, sorry. This thing is my lifeline." I put it back. Fitz looked confused, he wouldn't get it, but he shrugged it off.

There were elves in fancy outfits like the councilors' everywhere. Even worse, they stared when they passed me, like they're never seen a girl in pants before. Tragic really. Someone needs to give them a fashion sense.

The whole place was like a giant, mythic shopping centre. Instead of clothes and food there were signs for two-for-one sales on bottled lightning—what would you even do with that?

A child strolled past with some sort of hybrid chicken-lizard on a leash. Were cats and hamsters overrated here?

We really he's the main canal and Alden hailed one of the carriages flowlating along the water. a silver, almond-shaped boat with two rows of high-backed benches pulled by some sort of brown creature skimming the surface of the waves.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" I yelled as the eight-foot-long scorpion with deadly pincers reared against the reins. Its tail curled up, looking ready to murder.

"You’re not afraid, are you?” Fitz asked. You wish.

"I want to touch it." I said dreamily. If I'm lucky it'll stab me and this dream would be over.

“You can. It's an eurypterid,” Alden explained. “A sea scorpion.”

"Oh my god. Are you hiding more scary creatures anywhere?"

"And you said we have death wish." Fitz mumbled.

"You do. I'm still convinced I'm dreaming." At this point I was petting the eurypterid, what did not look like it wanted to attack any time soon. "Next thing I'm seeing dinos are still alive and there are flying horses." I said sarcastically.

"You say that like it not true?" Fitz answered. "Go up, quickly."

"Were you just going to keep that information from me? That's a dick move." I complained as we boarded the carriage.

"I assumed you already knew." He threw his hands up.

"Surprise! I'm stupid. Can I ride one, though?" Weirdo glanced at his dad.

"Maybe." They're keeping shit from me.

Right now though, I was headed to get my head broken into. Fun!