KotLC if Sophie was a Delinquent Badass

In Conclusion, Alchemy Fucking Sucks

"DEX, PLEASE, I'M GOING TO DIE!" I almost screamed. It was harder than I thought to get him to ditch homework for even FOUR MINUTES TO LEAP OVER HERE AND GIVE ME THE DAMN CHARGER BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND.

Obviously, I have issues but ninety percent of them would be fixed if I could listen to some music right now. It's kind of sad that the elves don't usually do the whole music thing because I think they could have come up with some speakers with insane sound quality.

"Fine," he dragged out the word.

"REALLY?"

"Yeah, so STOP SCREAMING." In my defence, I have to express everything or I die.

Will Grady and Edaline hate me for this? Maybe. I'll take my chances. Maybe they'll like the music. The house is so big I doubt they'd hear it though. "Thanks, Dex! You're my reason to live right now."

"Yeah, yeah." He laughed and hung up. I was ten seconds away from flinging a pillow when he finally got here.

"YES." I grabbed it from him and ran to the desk.

"'Thanks for ditching your homework, Dex.'" He said with a scary good imitation of my voice.

"I mean, you could have brought your homework but you didn't think so..."

"Rude. How does that thing work?" I grinned like a maniac and plugged it in. After a solid two seconds, it had one percent so I turned it on. NO TIME TO WASTE HOES!

GOTTA GO FAST.

I screamed. "JESUS, FUCK- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"I'm rubbing off on you, I see," I said, side-eyeing him as I waited for the screen to get working.

Dex rubbed the back his head. "I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"Of course it's a good thing. OH MY GOD, THIS BITCH!" HOW APPALLING. I'm never trusting Alden again, I swear! Don't ask how I ended up on the news page but the fires are totally getting out of control. Alden has some explaining to do.

Dex was peeking over my shoulder when I snapped out of my initial shock. "What is it?"

"It's the news. Alden lied. Wanna go beat him up or something?" Mind you, I would never suggest to assault someone. Usually. Okay, I'm lying, I would. But there is always a good reason!

Dex looked like he was lost somewhere in his own headspace, wanting to snatch my phone. "You get announcement straight to THAT?"

"I can't tell if the elves are culturally advanced or too organic," I deadpanned.

"Yes." That's something. "But anyway, you can't just go and attack someone of the nobility. You know this."

I started pacing around the room. "Do I? Do I really. I mean it's only been a week or something, I could say it a human thing to punt people who anger you," I thought out loud, with hand on my chin like a royal adviser. "Either way, people could be dying and that was a fucked up move. 'No reason to worry' my ass. Now I'm gonna worry more."

"No one would buy that and yeah, it was. You still can't go around assaulting people."

I paused mid-step. "Y'know, sometimes I think about the illegal things I would have done if you weren't here and cry." Whether it's relief or frustration, we'll never know!

"Thanks?"

"Your welcome!" I took my seat on the edge of the mattress next to him and began checking through more apps absentmindedly. Really, I was worrying about the way an 'arsonist' doesn't seem like a probable explanation for the existence of the weird fires anymore. Or was it..? "Hey, Dex?" I asked carefully. I was probably freaking him out because of how calm I sounded but whatever. "Are there any elves with fire abilities or something?"