No Love, Just Hate

31

* S U M M E R *

Ibinagsak ko yung sarili ko sa kama and there I cry cry and cry. I know from the very first start he already told me that he will never ever love me back because he already love another woman and only love her but what did I do? I still let my self to fell hard for him.

I'm so stupid. Are stupids allowed to cry too? Am I allowed? Ha? Can I be jealous too, even though I don't have the rights? Is it okay for me to get hurt too?

I cry for a long period of time. Hindi ko ata kayang makasama si Winter sa kwarto ngayon.

"My new secretary." damn. Whenever I remember that, nasasaktan ako. Sobra.

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Ba't ba kase una pa lang 'di ko na itigil yung nararamdaman ko!? Bat kase... kase... umasa pa ko... Ang tanga tanga mo Summer Helen.. ang tanga tanga mo.

Kakatapos ko lang umiyak, umiiyak na naman ako. Pag naalala ko yung nakita ko kanina, 'di ko mapigilang umiyak. Yung paghahalikan nila at yung pagpapakilala nya sakin as his new secretary. Triple ng sakit kesa nung nabasa ko yung nakalagay sa divorse paper.

Nakakaramdam na ko ng sakit. Sakit sa mata at ulo kakaiyak pero mas masakit pa rin yung puso ko. I love him. Mahal na mahal ko na sya eh.

I remember yesterday, how he beg for me to come back home. How happy he was when he saw the ultra sound. How he take care of me. How he hug me last night. How he kiss me on my forehead...

I cry and cry and cry non-stop until I fell asleep.

Nagising ako nang makaramdam ako ng lamig. Nakadress pa rin pala ako. Tumayo ako pero napabalik din agad dahil sa sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. Minamigrane ata ko. Ayan Summer! Iyak ka kase ng iyak ayan inaatake ka na tuloy ng migrane.

Maya maya ay tumayo na ko. Madilim na pala. Anong oras na ba? Kinuha ko yung bag ko at kinuha yung cellphone dun. Alas sais na pala.

Bumangon na ko. Bago ko lumabas ay pumunta muna ko ng cr. Namamaga yung mata ko.

Habang nakatitig ako sa harap ng salamin 'di ko maiwasang isipin yung mga nangyare kanina. Hay. 'Di pa ba ubos 'tong luha kong 'to?

"Don't you ever ever dream having love in this fucking marriage, Fernandez.." that was he said 3 months ago. Tama. He already warned me. He already said that it will no love just hate marriage. So why should I get to act like this?