No Love, Just Hate

9

* S U M M E R *

Pagbaba nya ng phone ay agad na akong pumunta sa Pool Area. Pagdating ko dun wala pa sya. Umupo ako sa tabi ng pool.

Kinakabahan ako. Hindi ko pa din alam kung anong pinagusapan nila Kuya dun at ang kinalabasan nun basta ang alam ko lang hindi maganda yon.

"Mommy!" I don't know what's in me pero lumingon ako dun sa batang tumawag ng Mommy. Nakita ko syang tumakbo papunta dun sa babae at lalakeng nasa gilid ng pool. Napangiti naman ako ng makitang ang saya ng pamilya nila.

Napahawak ako sa tyan ko. Will I able to give you a family like that, Baby? Mabigyan kaya kita ng masaya at buong pamilya? H-hindi ko alam.

Nang maramdaman kong may namumuo nang luha sa mata ko agad ko nang pinunasan yun. Gusto kong bigyan ng masayang pamilya ang magiging anak ko. Gusto kong maranasan nya ang pamilya pero... Hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko iyon.

Naramdaman kong may umupo sa harap ko kaya inaayos ko yung sarili ko bago ko inangat yung ulo ko ang ulo ko para harapin siya.

"Let's get to the point, ano bang gusto mo? Pera?" Napatingin naman ako sa kanya.

"E-excuse me?"

 "Are you hurt!? 'Di ba yun naman ang plano mo una pa lang!? Simula nung may nangyare satin. 'Di ba?"

"Wala akong planong ganun. Hindi kita peperahan."

"Hindi!? Talaga lang ha! Kaya pala kinuntyaba mo pa ang kaibigan mong ipagsigawan na ako ang nakabuntis sayo. Do you know what's going to happen now!? They're planning to get us married because of your shits! They want me to get married to a girl like you."

"G-girl like me...?"

"Oo babaeng katulad mo. You don't need to pretend that you didn't know. This is your plan after all, right?! Stop acting acting inoccent! You know what, I don't even know you're existing! Your name, birthday, who are your parents, where are you living! I don't know anything about you and now I'm going to marry you?! That's bullshit!" Gusto kong sumagot pero hindi ko kaya nanghihina ako. Hindi ako makapagsalita at tanging hikbi lang ng iyak ang maririnig mo sakin. I knew this will happen pero hindi ko alam na ganto kasakit to.

"You know what, I'm planning to marry my girlfriend. I'm planning to propose as soon as she come back. I'm already planning having a family with her... but because of you all those things can't happen now." I can feel sadness and disappointment to his voice. This is what I hate, giving burden to someone.

"S-sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be. Wala na naman tayong magagawa eh, diba? Nanjan na yan. Hindi ko na mapapakasal girlfriend ko kasi magpapakasal na ko sayo. But one thing I can be assured to you... I can never ever love you. This marriage will be just full of hate. No love, just hate..." He stand up and start to walk away. I stand up too and chase him. Hinawakan ko yung braso nya to stop him.

"W-wait..."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to escape the responsibility kahit hindi ako sigurado kung akin ba talaga yan. After all, there's an annulment, anyway." Tinanggal nya yung kamay ko but I put it back. I wipe my tears first saka ko nagsalita.

"T-that's not what I wanted to say..."

"What is it?"

"C-Can you come with me tomorrow?"

"Where?"

"Sa ospital... I'm planning to abort this"  it's final. I'm so sorry Baby, I... can't give burden to others. Hindi ko makakakayang makasira ng iba. Sorry.